John went to several pet shops trying to find something that no one else had. Finally he came upon a parrot with a 15 inch beak. He instantly fell in love with the bird and asked the shop owner how much it was. The shop owner said "You really don't want this bird because it can't talk. His beak is much too big" John didn't care, he wanted it and money was no object. Finally the owner sold it and as John was walking out the door he told him "If you ever want to get that bird to talk cut off his beak just below the nose holes, you have to do it below the nose holes or he'll drown when he drinks".
As John was walking home with the bird on his shoulder he decided he would try what the shop owner suggested and stopped off at a hardware store. When he walked in the owner of the store said "The hacksaws are on aisle 12" John was shocked and asked how the owner knew he wanted a hacksaw. The owner replied "I see you have that beautiful bird and it's a shame he can't talk so you're probably going to buy a hacksaw to chop off some of its beak. It's a good thing to do but just be careful to cut off his beak just below the nose holes, you have to do it below the nose holes or he'll drown when he drinks". John again shocked asked how do you know that and the man said it was common knowledge. So John purchased the saw and left for home.
As he was arriving home his neighbor said hello and said "what a beautiful bird. It's a shame he can't talk" Again shocked "John asked how he knew. He said "Well, his beak is way too big but I see you have a hacksaw and are about to take care of that, just be sure to cut below the nose holes, you have to do it below the nose holes or he'll drown when he drinks". John, once again shocked asked how do you know that and the man said it was common knowledge and he assumed everyone knew that. John shook his head, thanked him and went on his way
A few days later John ran into his neighbor again and the neighbor asked "Where's your bird"? Misty eyed, John told him the bird had died. The neighbor was shocked and said "I told you to be sure to cut below the nose holes or he would drown when he drinks". John said "I did". So said the neighbor "What happened" John Said "I crushed his head in the vice.
The only time your posts would be too cheeky is if you pulled down your pants and pointed your exposed butt towards everyone. Actually that would be "2 cheekies" and not the same thing at all.
You posts are fine. Have fun, way too much serious stuff on here lately...
Yeah, Hampton/Newport News was nice after they opened up Mercury Blvd but the tubes and I-64 were still a pain. Sometimes progress isn't really progress.
Well, I've hi-jacked your thread enough. You take care
You're welcome. Did I ever mention to you that I used to lilve in Hampton? I was at Langley. Loved it there and love the bay. Hope things there are well.
A lot of bad news everywhere but there are a few rays of sunshine.
A little child from Iraq had an operation in the US to repair nerve damage to their right arm. Doctors believe the procedure will work and the child will have use of their arm.
The initial cause of the nerve damage was due to the mother not being able to get to a hospital during child birth because of fighting going on in Baghdad. Hopefully, it will have a happy ending.
Anyway, one of the few positive things coming from that area..
Clem and Marge had been married for many year, they had 10 children and decided that enough was enough. They needed to stop making kids go Clem went to see the doctor.
After explaining the problem the Doctor. said "It's easy, just go to your barn, take a mason jar, and a fire cracker. Light the firecracker, put it in the mason jar, put the lid on and count to 10. Your problems will be solved"
Ole Clem didn't like this idea so he went for a 2nd opinion. Once again he explained the problem and the 2nd Doctor said " It's easy, just go to your barn, take a mason jar, and a fire cracker. Light the firecracker, put it in the mason jar, put the lid on and count to 10. Your problems will be solved"
Still not sure, Clem went to the neighboring state of Virginia and saw a 3rd doctor. The doctor explained that there was a procedure called a vasectomy. It was a simple process, relatively painless and would only take about an hour. Relieved, Clem exclaimed "Well, that's a hole lot better advice than them other doctors in W-Virginia offered. Hearing this the doctor said "whoooooa!, you're from West Virginia?. Well, it's different for you. What you need to do is just go to your barn, take a mason jar, and a fire cracker. Light the firecracker, put it in the mason jar, put the lid on and count to 10. Your problems will be solved"
Amazed, Clem said "That's exactly what them other doctors told me" The doctor said "They know what they're talking about, so just go do it. Besides, it's a lot cheaper than what I have to offer"
Sooooo, Clem went home. He went to his barn, lit the fire cracker, put it in the mason jar screwed on the lid and began counting (using the fingers on his right hand to count). 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, after reaching the number 5 he had run out of fingers and placed the mason jar between his legs and continued the count with his left hand 6, 7.......
Wed, Several things, The oldest living single organism is the King's Holly/a Tasmanian bush (About 40,000 years old ) Or you can look at some of the bacteria found in New Mexico (250 million years old) But if you're talking trees it would be the Bristlecone Pine (4 - 5 thousand years old)
Jerry53531 Forum Posts (410)
RE: Serious * Above me * thread
Soft with a very slight accent