1 c water 1 c sugar 4 large eggs 2 c dried fruit 1 tsp baking soda 1 tsp salt 1 c brown sugar lemon juice nuts 1 full bottle of your favourite whiskey
Directions: sample the whiskey to check for quality.take a large bowl.check the whiskey to be sure that its of the highest quality.pour one lever cup adn drink.repeat.turn off the electric mixer - beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.add one tsp sugar and beat again.be sure that the whiskey is still okay.cry another tup.turn off the mixer.break two eggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.mic on the turner.if the fried fruit gets stuck in da beaterers , pry it loose with a drwescriver.sample the whiskey to check for tonsisticity.next,sift two cups of salt.or something.who cares.check the whiskey.now sift the lemon juice and strain yr nuts.add one table.spoon.of sugar or something.whatever u can find.grease the oven.turn the cake tin to 350 degrees.dont forget to beat off the turner.throw the bowl out the window.check the whiskey again.go to bed.
/Ages 22/ 1.handsome 2.charming 3.witty 4.in good shape 5.dresses with style 6.full of thoughtfull surprises 7.an imaginative, romantic lover
/Ages 32/ 1.nice looking -preferably with hair on his head 2.has enough money for a nice dinner at a restaurant 3.listens more then he talks 4.laughs at my jokes at appropirate times 5.can carry all the groceries wit hease 6.owns at least one tie 7.likes to be romantic at least once a week
/Ages 42/ 1.not too ugly- bald head OK 2.doesnt drive off until im in the car 3.is in good enough shape to rearrange the furniture 4.usually wears shirt that covers stomach 5.remembers to put the toilet seat down 6.usually remembers the the punch line of jokes 7.shaves on most weekends
/Ages 52/ 1.keeps hair in nose and ears trimmed to appropriate lenght 2.doesnt belch or scratch on public 3.doesnt borrow money too often 4.doesnt nod off to sleep while im emoting 5.usually wears matching socks and fresh underwear 6.remember your name on occasion 7.shaves on som weekends
/Ages 62/ 1.remembers where the bathroom is 2.is in good enough shape to stand up alone 3.only snores lightly when awake /LOUDLY when asleep/ 4.remember where he left his teeth 5.usually wears some clothes 6.like soft foods 7.remembers when....
...can a pizza get to yr house faster then the ambulance. ...are there handicapped parking places in front of a skating rink. ...do people order double cheese burgers ,a large fry and a diet coke.. ...do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters. ...do buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight. ...do leave cars worht thousands of dollars in the driveway and leave useless things and junk in boxes in the garage. ...do use the word ''politics'' to describe the process so well: ''poli'' in latin meaning ''many''and''tics''meaning ''blood -su...ing creatures''
if ur obsessive-compulsive, pls press 1 repeatedly. if ur co-dependent, pls ask someone to press 2. if u have multiple personalities, pls press 3,4,5 and 6. if ur paranoid-delusional,we know who u r and what u want.just stay on the line so we can trace the call. if ur schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell y which number to press. if u r depressive , it doesnt matter which number u press.No one will answer.
A Swiss guy visiting Sydney, Australia, pulls up at a bus stop where two locals are waiting. "Entschuldigung, koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen?" he asks. The two Aussies just stare at him. "Excusez-moi, parlez vous Francais?" he tries. The two continue to stare. "Parlare Italiano?" No response. "Hablan ustedes Espanol?" Still nothing. The Swiss guy drives off, extremely disgusted. The first Aussie turns to the second and says, "Y'know, maybe we should learn a foreign language." "Why?" says the other. "That guy knew four languages, and it didn't do him any good."
pearl777 Forum Posts (4,812)
How to make a fruitcake