I was feeling a bit depressed the other day, so I called the Samaritans.
I was put through to a call centre in Pakistan . I explained that I was feeling suicidal. They were very excited at this news and wanted to know if I could drive a truck or fly an aeroplane....
Posted: Thu Dec 06, 2007 7:50 pm Post subject: Whi I Fired My Secretary
Last week was my birthday and I didn't feel very well waking up on that morning.
I went downstairs for breakfast hoping my wife would be pleasant and say, "Happy Birthday!", and possibly have a small present for me.
As it turned out, she barely said good morning, let alone " Happy Birthday."
I thought 'Well, that's marriage for you, but the kids... They will remember.'
My kids came bounding down stairs to breakfast and didn't say a word. So when I left for the office, I felt pretty low and somewhat despondent.
As I walked into my office, my secretary Jane said, "Good Morning Boss, and by the way Happy Birthday ! "
It felt a little better that at least someone had remembered.
I worked until one o'clock , when Jane knocked on my door and said, "You know, It's such a beautiful day outside, and it is your Birthday, what do you say we go out to lunch, just you and me."
I said, "Thanks, Jane, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day. Let's go !"
We went to lunch.
But we didn't go where we normally would go. She chose instead at a quiet bistro with a private table. We had two martinis each and I enjoyed the meal tremendously.
On the way back to the office, Jane said, "You know, It's such a beautiful day... We don't need to go straight back to the office, Do We ?"
I responded, "I guess not. What do you have in mind ?"
She said, "Let's drop by my apartment, it's just around the corner."
After arriving at her apartment, Jane turned to me and said, " Boss, if you don't mind, I'm going to step into the bedroom for just a moment. I'll be right back."
"Ok." I nervously replied.
She went into the bedroom and, after a couple of minutes, she came out carrying a huge birthday cake ... Followed by my wife, my kids, and dozens of my friends and co-workers, all singing "Happy Birthday".
A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get it started." Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"
The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger."
Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger."
Hey sorry to say but you need to change a text with one of your pics hehe the bugatti is the fastest production made car who can reach a speed of 407km/ph not 400mph hehe
I know this is a post for women but just had to say for me a girl under 5"5´is way to small for me I like them to be 5"7-6" iff possible I was daiting one that was 5"3´and I saw it to be to short in the leg for me....
haha no iceman is what I got called by som yanks and brits on a job we were doing in the baltic sea coz they had a difficoult time in pronaucning my name hahahaha arg typos
haha no icaman is what I got called by som yanks and brits on a job we were doing in the baltic sea coz they had a difficoult time in pronaucning my name hahahaha
I come from a country where tipping is not that big.. It is not that common to get a tip as a waiter here coz it ic calculated in to the price.. we get fairly good wages as a unskilled waiter we get from 20$ to 30$per/h but after some schooling we get much more.. And as a trained sommilier we get from 3000$ to 5000$ per month.. but I my self allways tip if the service was worth it...
iceman69 Forum Posts (159)
RE: The surrealism compliment generator...
Oh!, how you inflict me with wounds of paranoia and desire.