I came here after 2 months - maybe even more - read 2 blogs and 2 threads (not the whole threads - just the opening posts), wrote a couple of sentences and got bored.
I hope next year - if I drop by EVER again - this place is going to be much less boring...
There are almost no new members and even if they come, the old ones ruin their threads.
That's because the old members are here for a very long time, many many years and they have already said everything they've had to say at least a hundred times - so they can only keep repeating themselves and that's - boring.
The life of an average person is boring and monotonous and if you log in here and write EVERY DAY for 3, 5, 7+ years you would neither have anything to say any more nor be willing to have a serious conversation (since you had it at least 50 times on every possible topic so far).
In the end new members either accept the situation and adapt and become silly themselves or - leave looking for some better place to write on.
Either you become silly (and unattractive to any normal person on this planet ) or move on.
I'll be back in a "dating game" at 55. Then I could meet a nice 65-year-old man and be happy.
I think it's much better that way, than unrealistically hope to meet someone for something serious and constantly get disappointed.
When you give up, you get your freedom back and then - you often meet a lot of interesting new people.
I met the best men when I wasn't looking.
But, you can't stay on a dating site and "not looking". It's deluding yourself.
And then - so much disappointment and stories about love and past (yours and other people's) start to make you feel depressed. Yesterday I was reading some threads and it came to me that all we do is talk about past and we drown ourselves in it. I mentioned so many things on this forum about my past, I don't even want to remember and never talk about in RL.
It's not that hard to find a man - any man, but I doubt that's what most people want. Some really aren't very picky - as long as it's a woman/man and reasonably attractive - it's OK, but not everyone is like that.
I personally think that people from 40~55 age range don't really have much choice - both in real life and on dating sites, if they want to meet someone for a quality long-lasting relationship. People at that age are - mostly married. If they are not - they are usually too busy with their lives - jobs, still small children they have to take care of, family responsibilities... Or they are the types who never wanted a commitment any way.
When international dating is concerned - it gets even more complicated. How many people age 40~55 can leave their home, their mortgages, their jobs, their small children (or take them with them) and leave for a far away country to live some uncertain life relying completely on one person they hardly know? Even if they CAN move, it's not easy to be as adventurous at 50 as it is at 20. We all have a lot more experience and know what kind of people live all around the world. People need to have to trust their future partner and must have some sort of insurance to make such a big step.
People younger than 35 and older than 60 have much more chances to meet a partner - everywhere - online and offline than people age 40~55 (or - maybe - even 35~60). So what can they do?
1) Lower expectations drastically 2) Look for a partner outside of their age range - a lot younger or a lot older - depending on their preferences 3) Stay single until they get a little older and be able to AGAIN find someone suitable for themselves
I think that staying in a "dating game" at that age with the expectations, hopes and desires we had when we were 30 (finding someone around our age, falling in love, enjoying our relationship, being free to do whatever we want and go wherever we want, have TRUST in people we used to have) is VERY unrealistic. Maybe this post doesn't sound very romantic and fun, but this is my conclusion after being a member of various dating sites and talking with many men from different countries around my age.
Forums have started to make me very upset lately. It's not only CS, but other internet forums as well.
I don't know if people who write on forums have changed or I have changed, but I could handle so much more in the past. People couldn't get on my nerves so easily, I would never become cynical or unpleasant, no matter how terrible people behaved, I could laugh it off... I didn't "leave the forum for good" each time I "had enough". I could simply remove myself for a couple of days and return as if nothing happened. I didn't hold grudges. I was simply different. Maybe it's because I was younger, I don't know...
A few days ago I left one forum, because I simply couldn't stand constant arguments and fighting and cynicism and overall negative atmosphere that simply overflew that place.
It's like people come on forums frustrated and angry and just want to have fight to feel better and - don't care who they fight with and whether they hurt someone in the process. Even if you behave completely nicely yourself, you never know when you will attract some of those, when you will become the target, because there's nobody else around to fight with or - they simply started to dislike you for some unknown reason... And you have to bite your tongue and deal with all that negative energy politely and nicely and start to wonder: "What am I doing here?! Isn't there enough bad things in real life?".
Did that happen many years ago, too, but it just didn't bother me so much?
I agree with this. Too bad we all live so far away from each other. Otherwise it would be extremely fun to gather everyone together and go for a walk in the park. I can only imagine what that would look like!
I learned some interesting things about life in different countries I didn't know anything about.
I learned that people from English-speaking countries are too individualistic and somewhat cold for my taste and that I would probably never be happy in those countries and cultures.
I learned a useful expression - "love tourists".
I learned not to talk too much about my personal life on a public forum and not to switch to PMs with people too soon (that's what I learned too late, unfortunately ).
I'm definitely more relaxed and comfortable to use English after spending some time chatting here.
That's very true. People who speak only one language and have never learned another, neither understand the challenges people encounter when speaking the foreign language, nor can they really grasp culture different from their own. The language is the basis of one's culture. If you don't speak the language - you can never really learn and understand someone's culture. You will always be limited and feel like - watching something through the window, not being inside. That's how I see it, at least.
English is a great tool for all of us to communicate with people from different cultures and nations, but it limits us, because - it's not our culture. We cannot express ourselves the way we can in our own language.
I often regret for not saying this or doing that when someone upset me, but actually I would feel even worse if I had done it, so - silence is the best option for me, definitely.
I really tried my best... many times... but this place simply doesn't bring out the best in me... On the contrary...
There were some funny moments and some good laughs and some interesting things to read and learn, but... So many times I got annoyed or upset or had to "bite my tongue" or simply - was bored...
Maybe it's because I've seen "golden times" of forums in the past or because I get bored too fast nowadays or because the style of communication here doesn't suit me... I don't know...
Maybe I come around to check you out in a couple of months, to see if anything changed, somebody got married in the meantime or some new interesting members arrived...
But I now really need a long long break and - some different things...
There's no point in talking to men from the towns and countries you are not interested in if you are searching for something meaningful. It's actually a complete waste of time...
I think that all social media has changed a lot recently.
In the past you had to buy a computer and pay for the internet and the internet wasn't so global. Now, you need a cheap smartphone and free WiFi in the park and you can surf all day long. It opened the door to everyone.
In the past people were much more honest online. I met many people in person on various sites and some who lived far away became Facebook friends, too. People in general didn't hide their identity. I was a member of CS for a short while some 7-8 years ago and I don't remember receiving messages from scammers at all at that time. Now they are everywhere - pen-palling sites, dating sites, Facebook, Instagram...
People also changed. They somehow became much more distant and suspicious. I met people who only wanted to exchange messages on CS and never wanted to move anywhere else. I talked to some men I have no idea who they really were (I had nothing but their mobile phone number). Such things naturally make you suspicious.
It wasn't like that before. Now I sound like an old granny.
Many people use dating sites like a means to travel cheaply. They meet someone online, pretend they are in love, visit that person as their guest, have some fun, have some sightseeing and then - go back home never to contact that person again. Or maintain some "holiday relationship". Some are even worse - they are too lazy to travel so they hope that you would go and visit them so that they can have some (maybe exotic?) fun at home, without too much effort. That's why you get contacted by people from various countries.
In general, I came to the conclusion that most people who join international dating sites indeed are travelers and adventurers and they assume you are the same. We should get off these sites and find some other ways to meet people.
Today I've spent some time searching male profiles from my country and some other countries where I might travel to in some near future. I haven't used the search engine much in the past. While I was still exchanging messages - I only replied to those I received and then simply stopped, because everything seemed pointless. I stayed for blogs and forums and - even that - gets boring so I take shorter or longer breaks.
However, I've done some thorough search today and - I found only several dozens of profiles from the countries and age range I was interested in and - most of them were fake. I broadened my search and saw that there were plenty of profiles from English-speaking countries, but - it seemed that fake profiles were majority there, as well.
So, now I think that CS is just for blogs and forums and I blocked practically everyone. It might sound selfish, but I just don't want to spend a lot of time exchanging messages with men I have NO chance to meet at all or who want something I don't - for example - some short casual romantic affair. And I got tired of dozens and dozens of e-mails from scammers I received every day while my settings allowed many people to message me.
This site doesn't seem to have very large traffic and it lacks new people. Maybe it's because it's too old, not very phone friendly, don't have the option to log in with other social media (like Facebook), etc. I don't know.
I completely agree. I remember being contacted by a man from my country who seemed rather nice. He wanted to come here to meet me (he even had some relatives in my town). But, then I realized that he was living at least 300km (and maybe more) away from me. Not only that it's inconvenient to have such a relationship, but he also lives in the town I would really never like to live in the future. So, the whole idea of exchanging messages with him was - pointless and I stopped our correspondence.
The more I explore dating sites, the more I have a feeling that they are adjusted to people looking for something short and casual - either in their own country or abroad. If one is looking for something more meaningful - one must find some other ways to meet people. I don't say it's impossible to meet someone RIGHT on a dating site, too, but the chances are REALLY slim.
I think that we should be able to use avatars on forums and blogs.
I feel uncomfortable writing with no photo at all and I don't feel like having my profile photo here, since I don't use CS as a dating site, so I'm confused most of the time...
Naivete Forum Posts (80)
) or move on.
RE: Say Anything
I came here after 2 months - maybe even more - read 2 blogs and 2 threads (not the whole threads - just the opening posts), wrote a couple of sentences and got bored.I hope next year - if I drop by EVER again - this place is going to be much less boring...
But I doubt it...