I start to think that when he was with his ex wife.he gave her seperate bank card from his account.she didnot have job.he bought her daughter many many toys.treat her as a princess.what is that with me?I know I shouldnot compare this...I want to have friend.but till now.I only have one friend from my class.sometimes she send me message in the evening.around 7 or 8 pm.my husband is not happy about that.he said evening is time should relax.so I cant even reply her cus my husband is not happy.I turned the sound off from my phone.I have to watch movie together with him even if I dont understand instead of sit in front of my computer to watch chinese movies.everything just to make him happy.I try to talk to him but always end of discussions.I am really tired of this......
except this all.he is a good man to my daughter and me...he doesnt call my daughter "princess" but he treat her like real daughter.I think if I just leave him I would hurt him very hard.I donot want to do this cuz his ex hurted him too.she used him to come here.after she dispeared he found out everything and sent the evidence to the court.in the end he won.his marriage was told not real marriage.I think he was hurted so much..but.I don't know he found me because he loves me or just because I am a Chinese with a Chinese daughter.I am so confused.I dont know if I can stay in a marriage that actually is a influence from my husband's ex..his first wife.am I think too much?
I miss my family terribly.my food.seafood......I wish I could just go back to China.but.I can't.I can't just tell everybody that I am divorced.I am back.everybody are happy for me.I dont want to send my daughter again to her father who never cares about her always send her to the nanny.and people look down on her.but I cant take care of her if without any help and surrport from my family..I need work to make money.I dont want to disspointed my mom make her sad cuz she has cancer.but I really dont want to stay here anymore.I feel I am tearing myself apart.I am getting crazy....am I too weak?maybe something are small.but when I put them all together.when I have to accept them all together.it really drives me crazy.......but I cant talk to anybody.I can only talk to myself.ask myself.answer myself like Rob.sometimes I dont even know who i am anymore,I dont know why tears comes out from my eyes.and why I am here?
I really dont know what to do.should I just leave here?can I just go back to where I belong to?
I use this account years ago.I don't know if I should be here again but I don't know where else I can get some advises for my current situation.so.here I am.
I am married since 28th Dec.2011.I was a Chinese single mom with a 4 years old daughter when I met my husband.he came to China.we stayed together 6 months.and he went back to Belgium.6 months later.we decided to be married and I would relocate to Belgium to start a family life with him.
I didn't think seriously what would it change to my life if I move to another country.I was so happy that finally I could start my own family.my daughter would have a "papa"..I would have not be alone anymore.have somebody around me.with love.but.when I came here.I start to realise that how big dicision I have made in my life.and my husband's house.many stuff from his past marriage.like the toys he bought or got somewhere for his ex wife's daughter,like the Chinese stuff he collected.like the pics he still keep from his first marriage,I found out that he seems collected a lot of stuff that has link with Chinese.his ex wife was Chinese.they met from on line.she paid a lot of money to a marriage office in China.so office found him for her.and wrote all emails to him for her.when they met eachother.she couldnot even speak english.they stayed together 3 weeks first time he visited China.and 7 months later.she visited Belgium for a month.and then 2 months later.he went to China to marry her.....he told me that before her he didnot know any Chinese.but it seems after she dispeared with another belgium boy.he started to searching Chinese on line.I saw his love letters to her after she left.I saw since he knows her.how many chinese stuff he bought.cut newspapers when there is news about China.made Chinese news book.and Chinese dragons.study Chinese.think about all these things and looking around the house the Chinese paitings hang on the wall in the living.in the kitchen.chinese docolations .I have a feeling that I am just here to replace his ex wife.if I am not Chinese.maybe we would never meet eachother.after she dispeared.he moved to China for 7 months to study Chinese.I don't know why after her everything is Chinese in his world.he removed some stuff from his ex's daughter but was unhappy about that.we even had discussion cuz he keep all his pics from before..kissing pics.family pics from before.and the pics from that little girl.he called her "little princess"..but when he talk about my daughter.he said straightly "she is not the princess.she is somebody else.do you expect me to treat her exactly the same way as i treated the one from before"?I know these are all small things.but sometimes it just bothers...he had marriage before.of course there is always something he can never delete..do I care too much?everyday I came back home see all these chinese stuff from before.I feel its not my home.when I go out.I don't understand the language.when he brings me to visit his family.I dont know what they talk about.I can only smile.after a while.I dont even know which smile is real and which one is fake.I thought its ok.once I have a job I will make new friends and money .everything will be better..but I cant find a job easily cuz I donot speak the language.I can only check chinese restaurant but he doesnt like it.he wants me to do some cleaning work for belgium company.or dishwashers.....thats something I have never done in my life.I thought its ok.I cant chose things I really like to do but at least I try to avoid things I dislike.but I cant chose.he is in a bad situation I try to help.its ok to be a cleaner.I push myself to accept it.but then.my working hours are not enough for him to borrow money from the bank to pay all the bills from last Dec.I don't know what is my life my future here .I cant just be myself.and now.I have to do things I don't want to do.but still have to pretend that I like it to get this job.as he said.I need to surive...
Thanks for everyone here who gave advises and comments.
I think people misunderstand me here.he hasnt walk away yet. and actually I can understand him .cuz 3 months is really too short to make this kind of decision..he just told me that if I would ever keep the baby.he would say goodbye to me.I dont blame him..but the problem is I want the baby.I dont want to kill him.and I dont know what to do to keep this baby...its nothing about him..I wish I could have enough power to keep my baby.take good care of them.about my past mistakes.thats really hard to explian but yes I know it was the biggest mistakes I've ever done in my life.I guess it would never happen again after this time...I really feel sorry.......
Thanks for all the supports for me..I know I made big mistakes on birth control.whatever the decision would be.I will have birth control or surgery to stop pregnant anyway after this time.
I discovered this website last year and sometimes I come here for the forums and read the nice potries...I think its good to talk people from different countries so we could learn more about life attitudes.
they said its very irresponsible if I want to keep this baby just because I want,I should think more about his future.what sore of life I could offer him..I cant just bring this baby to this world to suffer.just because "I want"....is it right?I am so confused now.what can I do to keep my baby?
"Girlfriends and Ex-gfs usually not like each other.especially when exs are not completely get over you,I don't want to make my future partner suffer,so ,it's better to say goodbye to your past relationships."
A man told me this few weeks ago,I think I agree with it.but ,if there's kids then it's fine.enough reason to be friends with ex.
Past is past,I don't think ex can really be a friend as your normal friend.even be a good friend like brother or sister?so when you guys together.memories will always come back.sometimes you would talk about the past with your ex.that will definetely make your current partner suffer.better just let it go!
whole life the wonder such you bring the beauty i can see but i keep deep inside on it oh life i feel that i can bring it again in the world where love will still remain
choose your words make them whys many things have produced(?) where we are i am here here with you close your eyes let love heal the sorrow once again i feel in life i'm sure of this insight and i need you more than ever life's told me so much more feel stronger than before of this feeling stay here forever long ago i was blind i thought the love was so waste here to stay but we walked all the way and we said good bye even though i knew i loved you still suddenly you were gone and she was in your rounds its picture i remember i was lost could not be saved my life just ran away i only wish that we could start over but true love will find its way now i love it seemed to stay i lost it once and now i found the way to live again
oh life i wonder such you bring the beauty i can see but i keep deep inside on it oh life i feel that i can bring it again in the world where love will still remain
but true love will find its way now i love it seemed to stay i lost it once now i found the way to live again
oh life the wonder such you bring the beauty i can see but i keep deep inside on it oh life i feel that i can bring it again in the world where love will still remain mmm.... in the world where love will still remain
Recently I've got a bad news about my mom,she caught cervical cancer 2b,I didn't accept the truth at first.because she looked very healthy,she still go dancing and does housework,she didnot even get sick easy,and,there's no cancer in our family.both my grandma are over 80.but I faced the truth when I got the result.she is staying in hospital taking her first chemo right now.today is the 5th day.she feels painful from all over her body.especially her stomach-she doesn't want to eat anything.it makes me feel very sad,she is only 52,I never thought my life would without my mom someday.
I checked many websites,but I couldn't find any information about someone who was cured from cervical cancer 2b.I don't know if it's possible to cured...is there anyone out there know anything about this?
the doctor said she has to take 2 time chemo before operation.then chemo again.they said she has to take 8 chemo in total.I don't know whether she could handle it.
rainlucy Forum Posts (16)
sorry to bother u all......
I start to think that when he was with his ex wife.he gave her seperate bank card from his account.she didnot have job.he bought her daughter many many toys.treat her as a princess.what is that with me?I know I shouldnot compare this...I want to have friend.but till now.I only have one friend from my class.sometimes she send me message in the evening.around 7 or 8 pm.my husband is not happy about that.he said evening is time should relax.so I cant even reply her cus my husband is not happy.I turned the sound off from my phone.I have to watch movie together with him even if I dont understand instead of sit in front of my computer to watch chinese movies.everything just to make him happy.I try to talk to him but always end of discussions.I am really tired of this......except this all.he is a good man to my daughter and me...he doesnt call my daughter "princess" but he treat her like real daughter.I think if I just leave him I would hurt him very hard.I donot want to do this cuz his ex hurted him too.she used him to come here.after she dispeared he found out everything and sent the evidence to the court.in the end he won.his marriage was told not real marriage.I think he was hurted so much..but.I don't know he found me because he loves me or just because I am a Chinese with a Chinese daughter.I am so confused.I dont know if I can stay in a marriage that actually is a influence from my husband's ex..his first wife.am I think too much?
I miss my family terribly.my food.seafood......I wish I could just go back to China.but.I can't.I can't just tell everybody that I am divorced.I am back.everybody are happy for me.I dont want to send my daughter again to her father who never cares about her always send her to the nanny.and people look down on her.but I cant take care of her if without any help and surrport from my family..I need work to make money.I dont want to disspointed my mom make her sad cuz she has cancer.but I really dont want to stay here anymore.I feel I am tearing myself apart.I am getting crazy....am I too weak?maybe something are small.but when I put them all together.when I have to accept them all together.it really drives me crazy.......but I cant talk to anybody.I can only talk to myself.ask myself.answer myself like Rob.sometimes I dont even know who i am anymore,I dont know why tears comes out from my eyes.and why I am here?
I really dont know what to do.should I just leave here?can I just go back to where I belong to?