lilpinkbutton Poetry (4)

Once I was a woman
Struggling to be real
Trying to be what was expected
Your love I tried to steal
I wanted to be loved
Not for what i do
I guess in reality
I wanted to be accepted
By none other than you

I thought my love was enough
To keep you occupied
I guessin reality
Cupid lied
He shot an arrow at me
To see what i would do
It turnes out love couldn't be
But it hurts that it was you

So here i sit after 19 years
My lonely heart cries
After all these tears
Love i guess dies
I guess it wasn't meant
For love to have me
So far away you went
Because love just couln't be

So i sit here with my tears
The ache inside of me
Ii'm swallowed by my fears
From love that couln't be
The love you said was true
Then took away from me
Darling it was you
That truely couln't see

My heart sits here dying
I'm lonely as can be
Cause all along you were lying
You never wanted me
My heart is not made of stone
My tears they sadly fall
For every stone thrown
Hurts me thats all

So why don't you love me
What did i do
My heart you stole you see
Because i thought you true
Nineteen years for what
My love i give away
You just wanted slut
I give you what you want
And still you will not stay

So where do i go from here
I dare not love again
I'll lock up my heart dear
Because it's safer in the end
I thought you saw my soul
But you just wanted to make a hole

So here I am once again. The only parent to share. Share that pain of knowing that things aren't going to be ok. Your daughter needs you.Where are you? Her world is falling apart at midnight.Her whole life lies there on that bed. Dying. Her soft feet dying. Where the hell is he? She id dying and her friend is 13. I don't want to do this alone. I am tired of being the one to hold them and lie and say that things are ok. They aren't ok! She is theirs. But she is mine. My best friend. Dying. If he would be a man and give us what he is suppose too this wouln't be happening. She is in pain and I can't fix it. My daughter wants too, but how? The others sleep. They are dreaming of good things. He is there with that other woman. Having the time of his life. She must be perfect. To leave us like this. He is happy and in paradise. While we sit and hold her and try to remember that she too has a maker and that HE is good and won't let her suffer needlessly.my daughter and I look at 15 years dying and alone we weep.

they can't get in I cant get out. I am safe for now. My heart is closed off from pain. pain of hearing that I don't make the cut. Pain from losing what I once loved.The reality is that I was there to much. your freedom was gone. Or that's what you though. Freedom to peek, freedome to sneek. Like I was invisable. Just the maid. Cook the food
clean the house
make you happy everyday
What about me? Where did I fit in.
Oh I see there wasn't suppose to be me. just you. So I stepped up to the plate again and took it like a good girl would. remember its not about me its you. All the fun with the kids. the fun on vacations. the fun that we planned or you
The memories of times that were good times like a family. I guess those weren't real? Wow my life wasn't real. I wasted 19 years thinking I was human? No I guess only you are. Right? So why not try to make this easier. You hate me and I still care. So why don't you just let me die already and get it overwith. the torture is not worth the pain. Go back to her. She won't be half as good as I was. She is a skank and you know it. So keep her. have fun She is the one who was never,is not, and will never be real. You chose her keep her, you deserve her.

Why is it that he can leave me. abandon me. tell me that I suck or the lack there of? Hurt me for no reason. Take off with her. She's not as pretty or nice as me. I did everything for him. Made our house a home. For what? To find out that 19 years later he never loved me anyway like I am garbage.All those memories of us. Pictures to bury deep in my heart. Where they wil never reserface. Gone. So he can do that but if I were to say hello, Then I am trash? Why. Why was I not good enough for him? I need ananswer and so do my kids. They are asking mister you better answer.