For anyone who thinks I should be banned already, I am actually using discretion of what I post because I want to post something but I'm pretty sure it will piss off some people so I won't post it, instead I will post this.
A cat "playing" with a mouse
Q: What is the difference between "ohhhhh" and "ahhhhh"?
A: About 3 inches
There was only one perfect person, and they crucified him.
If you want to be a "happy" person, I don't recommend becoming a musician!
Before any blonde's out there gets mad with me, I am blonde also so no worries.
:)
Three women are about to be executed for crimes. One's a brunette, one's a redhead, and one's a blonde. Two guards brings the brunette forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests.She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."
Suddenly the brunette yells, "earthquake!!" Everyone is startled and looks around. She manages to escape. The angry guards then bring the redhead forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."
The redhead then screams, "tornado!!" Yet again, everyone is startled and looks around. She too escapes execution. By this point, the blonde had figured out what the others did. The guards bring her forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She also says no, and the executioner shouts, Ready . . . Aim . . ." The blonde shouts, "fire!!"
One day this cop pulls over a blonde for speeding. The cop gets out of his car and asks the blonde for her license.
''You cops should get it together" she said, "One day you take away my license and the next day you ask me to show it.''
A girl came skipping home From school one day. "Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were counting today, and all the other kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10. See? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6,7, 8, 9, 10!"
"Very good," said her mother.
"Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?"
"Yes, Honey, it's because you're blonde."
The next day the girl came skipping home FROM school. "Mommy, Mommy," She yelled, "we were saying the alphabet today, and all the other kids could only say it to D, but I said it to G. See? A,b, c, d, e, f, g!"
"Very good," said her mother.
"Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?"
"Yes, Honey, it's because you're blonde."
The next day the girl came skipping home FROM school. "Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were in gym class today, and when we showered, all the other girls had flat chests, but I have these!" And she lifted her tank top to reveal a pair of 36Cs.
"Very good," said her embarrassed mother.
"Is it because I'm blonde, mommy?"
"No, Honey, it's because you're 25."
A man staggered into a hospital with concussion, multiple bruises, two black eyes, and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat. Naturally the doctor asked him 'What happened to you? Well, I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when at a difficult hole we both sliced our balls into a cow pasture. We went to look for them and while I was looking around I noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end. I walked over, lifted its tail, and sure enough, there was a golf ball with my wife's Monogram on it stuck right in the middle of the cow's arse. Still holding the cow's tail up, I yelled to my wife, 'Hey, this looks like yours!'
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