I thought I'd begin by reading a poem by Shakespeare, but then I thought, why should I? He never reads any of mine.
On cable TV they have a weather channel - 24 hours of weather. We had something like that where I grew up. We called it a window.
I decided that I'm not afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
I shook hands with a friendly Arab. I still have my right arm to prove it .
Somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
I was told that I must stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where the hell she is.
_______________________
And tonight while I'm lying awake in bed I ask myself, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'
Denmark has taken the top spot on the United Nation's first ever World Happiness Report, followed by Finland, Norway and the Netherlands.
The 158-page report, published by Columbia University's Earth Institute, was commissioned for the United Nations Conference on Happiness on Monday in order to "review the state of happiness in the world today and show how the new science of happiness explains personal and national variations in happiness."
SA ranked 90th
There's a South African man sitting in the front row at the Rugby World Cup Finals, but amazingly, there's an empty seat beside him. Another man spots it, goes up to him and says: "Do you mind if I sit here?"
"No, not at all," replies the first man. "It's my wife's seat, but she died recently.."
"So why didn't you get one of your family to come," asks the second man out of curiosity.
"They're all at the funeral."
During the game drinking beer, eating nuts and cheering ,John nudges Jack and sez: " I need to pee, but the game is reaching a climax and I don't wanna miss anything" Jack answers him with a simple: "Pee in that guys pocket, when the crowd is cheering" and points to a man standing directly next to John.
John thinks Jack is insane, but says nothing.
As the game progresses, again John tells Jack the same thing, and again Jack sez: "Pee in that guys pocket"
John refuses the advice.
This action repeats itself 3 times during the next 45 minutes and Beer keeps flowing as the game reaches climax after climax keeping the fans jumping with excitement. John by now is balancing on one leg and pinching his tool closed trying to control his near exploding bladder. Eyes bulging and dancing on one leg John sez to Jack: "I really need to pee now, damn, what can I do?" Jack: "Pee in that guys pocket"
John relents.
After relieving himself John cant believe his luck cos the guy whose pocket he pee'd in does not notice it.
Amazed at Jacks wisdom, John asks him why was he so sure that the guy would'nt notice if he peed in his pocket.
It's easy to figure, Jack tells him. "I pee'd in your pocket twice and you did'nt notice that I did"
Moral of the story.
If you've gotta go, you've gotta go.
My nieces husband encountered this storm in the early hours just before going for a jog.
say it to the person's face?
Writer and Macintosh evangelist Guy Kawasaki tells a story about getting email from some fellow he's never met. Online, this fellow tells Guy that he's a bad writer with nothing interesting to say.
Unbelievably rude? Yes, but unfortunately, it happens all the time in cyberspace.
Maybe it's the awesome power of being able to send mail directly to a well-known writer like Guy. Maybe it's the fact that you can't see his face crumple in misery as he reads your cruel words. Whatever the reason, it's incredibly common.
Guy proposes a useful test for anything you're about to post or mail: Ask yourself, "Would I say this to the person's face?" If the answer is no, rewrite and reread. Repeat the process till you feel sure that you'd feel as comfortable saying these words to the live person as you do sending them through cyberspace.
Of course, it's possible that you'd feel great about saying something extremely rude to the person's face. In that case, Netiquette can't help you. Go get a copy of Miss Manners' Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior.
A Cessna 172B pilot in Mexico had to save his plane after his airplane propeller detached in flight. Yes, detached. Plonk. You can see the action from the cockpit in this video, including the exhilaration and relief of the passengers at the end.
Before the first cut the plane is good, with the propeller still on. The next one, it's off, but the engine is still running to keep power in the plane. Then you can hear pilot—steel nerves, not a single sign of nervousness—and co-pilot discussing where to land, looking for a place—"there are some trees" the pilot comments calmly at one point—until they spot the road in which he finally performs a perfect emergency landing.
"I've never felt death so near," says one of the women who was travelling in the back. "Our propeller fell," repeats the copilot after getting out of the plane, which landed successfully on a road. Skip to the end to see the Cessna' nose without its propeller.
Hello
My name is Mrs. J... W....Citizen of United State of America but married to a South African. I am not suppose to be telling you this on internet but I believe this is the fastest means to communicate with poeple. Although there are lots of scam mostly on free dating site like this but I believe there are good people also.
Please I have a dream which I will want you to assist me actualize it but I will prefer if you will contact me via my private email address: j''''''2@gmail.com . I will furnish you with more details as soon as i hear from.
Do have a nice and wonderful day and may God bless you real good.
Mrs. J,,,,,,
I have returned home about one hour ago and poured myself a glass of wine.
What are you doing around this time of day? (apart from being online)
Stony Blog (23)
