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LMAO... failed in geography!

OMG...I'm SO confused now rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing

You've got mail! my inbox said. It was from a man located in Ashford, South Australia (his profile told me so) and he's looking for his one and only, no games but neverending love yay

and he wrote: am george from Miami, am an engineer, am working for the US Army now in Afghanistan and when the mission is done in Iraque in about 3 months i will retire and then am free to settle down anywhere around the world blah blah blah...roll eyes

sure, he's a scammer from Ghana, I know his picture from well-known scam sites BUT HOW STUPID could this guy be???

Usually I delete those mails right away but this time...no, I couldn't do it, I HAD to answer him:

Dear George, I know a lot of people in West Africa are starving and very poor but I've never heard that they are poor in spirit. So it must be me. I was never an ace in geography but I always thought that Afghanistan is a suburb of Miami and not of Adelaide! And most of all Ashford is located in South East England and Iraque is the Capital of South Australia and that is located in Ghana! Gosh, go back to school, silly boy and do your homework! tongue tongue tongue tongue
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problems of older guys ;)

The best way to start a day is laughing...I know it's an old joke but I love it still rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing


Two old men decide they are close to their last days and decide to have a last night on the town. After a few drinks they end up at the local brothel.

The madam takes one look at the two old geezers and whispers to her manager 'go up to the first two bedrooms and put an inflated doll in each bed. These two are so old and drunk, I'm not wasting two of my girls on them. They won't know the difference.'

The manager does as he's told and the two old men go upstairs and take care of their business. As they are walking home the first man says, 'You know, I think my girl was dead!'
'Dead?' says his friend. 'Why do you say that?'

'Well, she never moved or made a sound all the time I was loving her.'

His friend says, 'Could be worse. I think mine was a witch.'

'A witch?? Why the hell would you say that?'

'Well, I was making love to her, kissing her on the neck, and I gave her a little bite, then she farted, flew out the window…and took my teeth with her!'


doh doh rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing
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What happened to your New Years resolutions?

Mine was NOT to eat red gummibears anymore...AND I'm successful!!! yay

cool I stopped looking at the color and eat them all cool

and what about you? grin grin

teddybear
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Making a baby - hilarious!

The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a
surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, 'Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon.'

Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. 'Good morning, Ma'am', he said, 'I've come to...'

'Oh, no need to explain,' Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, 'I've been expecting you.'

'Have you really?' said the photographer. 'Well, that's good. Did you know babies are my specialty?'

'Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat !

After a moment she asked, blushing, 'Well, where do we start?'

'Leave everything to me.. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really spread out there.'

'Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and me!'

'Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results.'

'My, that's a lot!', gasped Mrs. Smith.

'Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be In and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that.'

'Don't I know it,' said Mrs. Smith quietly.

The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. 'This was done on the top of a bus,' he said.

'Oh, my God!' Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.

'And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with.'

'She was difficult?' asked Mrs. Smith.

'Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look'

'Four and five deep?' said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement.

'Yes', the photographer replied. 'And for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in.'

Mrs. Smith leaned forward. 'Do you mean they actually chewed on your, uh...equipment?'

'It's true, Ma'am, yes.. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away.'

'Tripod?'

'Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big to be held in the hand very long.'


dancing dancing teddybear
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to love someone ...why????

they say "Its better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all"

but WHY??? why it should be better to love and lose that someone?
you won't miss what you don't know...but what you know you'll miss. if you've never loved someone with all of your heart you won't know how it may feel to be together, how much you could miss that someone, how wonderful it could be, how it could be if you have that special one and love him/her and in return to be loved the same way by him/her.
if you have loved someone wholeheartedly but lost that special someone, no matter why...why should it be better than never to have loved at all?
if you have never loved at all, you don't know what it's like, what you feel about it.
but if you did you know how it feels, you know how much you miss him/her, when he/she's not with you, you know how it feels to be alone and without him/her, you know how good it feels to be wrapped in his/her arms, to be close together and to have that very special feeling, you know the sound of your heart that's breaking, you know all the crying and all the suffering...
so WHY it should be better???
it's just a saying like "if it's not raining it could be a sunny day"


dunno confused
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wow...best christmas lights display!

Merry Christmas to all dancingsanta dancingsanta

This is cool, it looks like the house is jumping. As the story goes, the guy that owns this house lives north of Cincinnati, Ohio. Police were constantly being called for traffic jams and accidents in the neighborhood, so they asked him to shut it down during certain hours. Instead, he started charging by the car load to pay off-duty police to be there. The guy is supposedly a real computer GEEK (and also a great decorator!)

Watch until the end – it picks up speed!


santa waving


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A Puppy's Christmas

A Puppy's Christmas (unknown)

It's the day before Christmas
And all through the house
The puppies are squeaking
An old rubber mouse.

The wreath which had merrily
Hung on the door
Is scattered in pieces
All over the floor.

The stockings that hung
In a neat little row
Now boast a hole in
Each one of the toes.

The tree was subjected
To bright-eyed whims,
And now, although splendid,
It's missing some limbs.

I catch them and hold them.
"Be good", I insist.
They lick me, then run off
To see what they've missed.

And now as I watch them
The thought comes to me,
That their's is the spirit
That Christmas should be.

Should children and puppies
Yet show us the way,
And teach us the joy
That should come with this day?

Could they bring the message
That's written above,
And tell us that, most of all
Christmas is love.

reindeer teddybear teddybear teddybear reindeer
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Thoughts about Christmas

At FB these days people make a lot of postings about Christmas just like “I hate it to be broke, no money for the xmas shopping”, “I go crazy, don’t know what to do first to prepare everything for xmas”, “today started baking cookies for xmas but hubby ate them right away, could start again” and so on. Everyone’s complaining about money, shopping, preparations, they complain about people that say “happy holidays” but not “merry Christmas”, they complain about everything.

When I asked some of them “why do you complain about all these things, you’re the lucky one” they asked me if I’m crazy. NO, I’m not, I answered. I wish I would have all those problems, and if only for just one Christmas. Then they asked me if I’m on drugs or if I missed a date with my psychiatrist. NO, I answered. Not at all.

Doesn’t matter if I’m broke or not I don’t have anyone to buy a Christmas present for.

I don’t need to prepare something for Christmas cause I’ll spend it all alone, just like every year. The only company I’ll have are my dogs, my PC, my TV and my couch. Nobody to have party with, nobody to hug, nobody to talk to… except my clients who are crying on the phone that they are alone at Christmas and need me to talk to.

The only cookies I’m baking are some doggy treats and except my dogs nobody will eat them.

It will be just another day, nothing special…neither a happy holiday nor a merry Christmas. I’ll get up, have my cup of coffee, go outside with the dogs, work, take a walk with the dogs, make dinner for the three of us, maybe watch a stupid film on TV, work again and later on I’ll go to bed. That’s all. It will be just a usual day like all the other 364 days of the year.

So, tell me, who’s the lucky one??? confused dunno
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Christmas Divorce ;)

A man in Phoenix calls his son in New York the day before Christmas
and says," I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your
mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough.
"Pop, what are you talking about?" the son screams.
"We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the father says.
"We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you
call your sister in Chicago and tell her."
Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. "Like
heck they're getting divorced," she shouts, "I'll take care of this,"
She calls Phoenix immediately, and screams at her father, "You are
NOT getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm
calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't
do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?" and hangs up.
The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. "Okay," he
says, "they're coming for Christmas and paying their own way."

tongue tongue tongue

teddybear teddybear teddybear
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The meaning of honesty – nothing but the truth?

I f you look at the profiles of men and women, most of them claim to be honest and look for someone that’s honest too.

As for me honesty means to tell nothing but the truth. Even if it sometimes may be not what the other expects or wants to hear. Maybe I’m too straight cause I don’t like lies or liars at all. I prefer to hear the truth instead of white, colored or beautiful lies. Sure, sometimes the truth hurts and any lie may sound better. But no matter how bitter the truth is then you know what you need to know.

So why act so many people like a prima donna if you tell just the truth???

dunno confused
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how to get inner pease for xmas ;)

I do not watch TV so much but the last days I did and it was quite interesting. A doctor on TV said, "to have inner peace
we should always finish things we start"
and we all could use more calm in our lives.

I looked around my house to find things
I'd started and hadn't finished,
so I finished off a bottle of Merlot,
a bottle of Chardonnay,
a bodle of Baileys,
a butle of sum,
tha mainder of Valiuminun scriptins,
ana box a chocletz.

Yu haf no idr how fablus I feel rite now.

Sned this to all who need inner piss.

An telum i luvum...

drink pouring

teddybear teddybear teddybear
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good night

Goodnight, my someone,
Goodnight, my love,
Sleep tight, my someone,
Sleep tight, my love,
Our star is shining it's brightest light
For goodnight, my love, for goodnight.
Sweet dreams be yours, dear,
If dreams there be
Sweet dreams to carry you close to me.
I wish they may and I wish they might
Now goodnight, my someone, goodnight
True love can be whispered from heart to heart
When lovers are parted they say
But I must depend on a wish and a star
As long as my heart doesn't know who you are.
Sweet dreams be yours dear,
If dreams there be
Sweet dreams to carry you close to me.
I wish they may and I wish they might
Now goodnight, my someone, goodnight.


teddybear teddybear teddybear
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