Why do you do the things you do? Whether it's your job, a hobby (like art, music), blogging, why do you do those things? Do you do them for recognition? Do you do them to get some joy out of the activity? Do you do them to help others? I recently read a status update that was basically someone whining about not getting recognized for something she did at work that she felt deserved appreciation and recognition. Hence my question, why do you do the things you do?
I know I'd feel like poo if I spent hours working on something (say a mural) and put it on the highway or on the wall of a well-populated building, and people just drove or walked right past it without even looking in its direction to avoid a tree trunk blowing into their eyes. But in this hypothetical case, I put it out there for people to enjoy, appreciate, comment, critique and nobody did. 
Is it the same principle with every aspect of our lives though? Do we do our jobs for recognition or to help others (e.g. police officers, firemen, therapists)? Do we join associations that aim to help others (like Amnesty and Green Peace and Seventh Generation) so that people will see our efforts and praise them or the reward is to see others happy? Do we blog so we can get the most comments of congratulations or because we just wanted to air our heads (or any other reason you might blog)? Is it a case of
"If you don't thank me, you don't love me... 
" ?
A friend of mine recently applied for a position and was unsuccessful despite her qualifications. She felt victimised and expressed these emotions to her coworkers (who asked) who sympathised with her. My friend is also pregnant and was having terrible morning sickness in the first few weeks of her pregnancy. Her supervisor was very understanding and would give her clearance to stay at home. On returning from vacation, she noticed a change in the way her coworkers interacted with her. They had befriended the person who got the job (Q) and were cold with her. Q was also very cold with her, and it stands to reason that they told Q what had transpired before she was hired and the subsequent feelings my friend had about her employment.
These coworkers were people she would have considered not necessarily friends, but close enough to share how she felt when they brought up that she wasn't being very friendly with Q.
My questions are: Why should we try to befriend everybody who joins our workplace? What guarantee is there that the people we befriend will remain a real friend to us throughout the period that either of us would work there? Should we just practice being civil to each other but leaving our private lives and feelings about the job out of the workplace?
Spending 7+ hours with others makes it hard to not share as little as a newspaper article or as much as your husband's s*xual appetite when drunk. But what is the cost of making friends at work without the risk of making enemies?
This guy I used to talk to a long time ago online saw my provocative status update on facebook (I wonder how long the itching will last this time... Next time I use protection!) and decided it was time to message me again. The update was in reference to my recent journey to my uncle's orchard where I got several insect bites that caused itching and swollen bumps the size of a tennis ball on my arms, but of course he wouldn't know that.
His attempt at conversation could be summed up as learning goals for a 7 year old with limited intellectual functioning... I give him credit for making it more questions than I can count on one hand:
What have you been up to?
How's the weather treating you?
What are you doing this weekend?
What part of the world are you now?
Can we finally meet?
Do you have the same number?
When I confirmed that I had the same number, the conversation ended. I've given up on trying to have a conversation with him, which might be the reason we hadn't talked since last year. I hate feeling like I'm pulling teeth with people, or sharing my life with them and they have nothing to add to the conversation. And he's not the only guy I've come across who can't utter more than pleasantries...
Am I expecting too much? Do women really talk so much that men don't "need" to add anything to conversations? Is a lack of conversational skills a sign that he's just not worth my/your time?
I recently met this guy through a friend, who met him through a friend. She seemed to think he would be great for me, so she conducted an interview of sorts and got his number and made me call him. I'd say I'm adventurous, so getting up the nerve to call needed only a small self-nudge.
Right away we're laughing, chatting, having a good time...
A whole bunch of points were racking up in his favour. He seemed so great. Checked him out on the Book of Faces, made friends... He was wonderful!
Almost too wonderful...
It was only after our hour-long-plus conversation (he was so thoughtful that he asked to call me back mid-conversation to save on my phone bill) that I realised that I didn't know how old he was. So I messaged him and asked. It's here my list of all the things I don't want starts to build. For some reason, that list is sitting on the windowsill waiting for me to give it a push or for a strong breeze (blown by me) to send it completely out the window.
(i) He's 12 years older than I am... I've been here before, it didn't work out, but I believe in giving people a chance (once I actually feel some attraction to them). 
(ii) He was/is married. Awaiting the end of the process to be a real single man.
(iii) He wears many hats. I was with a workaholic once and felt oh so neglected. 
A man this busy with so many different events occupying his time shouldn't have time for me, should he? I can only hope that he does make time for me, if it gets that far. As you can see these things on my list have already been countered in my mind... Fact is, I like him...
So what are your thoughts on this? Am I making excuses for this very unsuitable character (unsuitable because he doesn't fit my ideal of someone closer to my age who has a lot less baggage and will actually have time for me)? Or should I just throw my list out of the window (I don't think I'm lowering my standards) and go with the feeling I had when I first made contact?
And of course any other thoughts on the situation are most welcome.
I "met" this guy over the phone. I only talked to him because he insisted he didn't call my number even though I saw his number show up on my phone as a missed call. Three months later, the epiphany hit that he accidentally dialed my other number that was forwarding calls.
I'd say we became friends. He told some things about himself that sent up a couple red flags (the mental health kind), but I try not to judge people so I stored those flags and continued to be phone friends with him.
Finally met the guy (that story would take a few hours to tell) after chatting for about 3 months, and within a week he's asking if I think we could ever be a couple. I explained that I just don't see us that way. Fast forward two more weeks and I've received "I love you" messages.
I don't understand. Is it that he has raging hormones and is desperately looking for a way to bring the levels down? Should I question his sanity? What possesses a person to say things like that to a person he doesn't know and has met once?
I read an article about dating principles to live by that talked about how long is too long for dating before it's time to get married, what type of man a woman
shouldn't date, how long is too long a phone conversation when dating, what's an appropriate method of communication, etc.
One thing that stood out to me was the type of man a woman shouldn't date. The writer noted that women should not date unavailable men (and I guess vice versa) -
"A person who is married, engaged, going through a divorce, or in an exclusive relationship is unavailable." Out of all those listed, I was puzzled by why
"going through a divorce" is there.
I think in all cases where a man or woman might be going through a divorce, the circumstances surrounding this divorce should be examined before writing somebody off. For instance, I'd ask the following questions:
* How long has s/he been going through this divorce?
* Was there a period of separation longer than a year before the divorce was filed for?
* What were the grounds under which the separation and divorce happened? Infidelity, irreconcilable differences, domestic abuse? And on whose part?
* How soon will the divorce come through? I'm sure there are more questions that can be asked, but I'm still waking up. One question that my friend asked me when I was openly wondering about this divorce business was,
"Is the guy emotionally available?" So my other problem is with
emotional availability. Why do people seem to think we ever become emotionally available after being in a relationship with somebody we've had feelings for?
My philosophy is this:
Once people have been in relationships with others, their emotional availability is compromised and it's not that they're not available to you, you're an entirely different person (we'd hope) and they need to build a new section in their emotional plaza for you. When you've experienced loss, the feelings of grief never really go away. You just get used to the person not being there. If you truly loved somebody a part of you will always be with him/her etc. Penny (not really) for your thoughts?
brassavola Blog (7)
I enjoy my baths afterwards, but this was different. Maybe it was the fact that I got injured and am still trying to recover after almost two months and thousands of dollars in my currency at different specialists and on different tests. I admire the people who can do it. Keep on keeping on... 
