Let's look back in time.
What was before online dating. Newspaper personal ads, friends/family arranged blind dates, social events, bars, libraries, literally everywhere where people were.
It was very slow. It was usually down to luck. It was very limited in choices. (Usually in a limited geographic location).
Why was it good? It was natural. People met because they were at the same place. They started to talk because probably had some similar interest.
When people chose or accepted the partner they went for the "good enough" option. It was enough if it was slightly better than others. The brain is happy to do a task like this.
These days the Internet gives the false impression of unlimited choice.
Do a search. Not enough results? No problem. Widen your options and voila now you can scroll 30 pages.
And makes you believe it is down to how you choose.
Barry Schwartz wrote a book called "The Paradox of Choice". He says too much choice will be detrimental.
There are couple of problems inside:
1. Because there are so many options you believe there must be a perfect one. This means the weight of your decision is much bigger.
2. When you choose one and it's not flawless you believe other choice would have been better. Which means you will never be satisfied with the choice.
3. Choosing from a big selection is exhausting. Our brain is not made for this.
4. Big number of players mean big competition. It's very easy to feel you are the only one left alone.
5. Anonymity changes the behaviours for lot of people. They would never say things or act the similar way face-to-face as they do online.
You can find many more points if you think.
Solution: I don't know. I believe it's still a very slow game. You have to accept it you either go for just a good enough or wait much much longer. Same as it was before. The difference is you have to cancel all the noise.
Also I don't believe the marriage is about how you choose at the beginning. It's about how much work the partners put in. The marriage is a workshop. (Yes, I know the classic: Men work, women shop...)
But no one can see in years ahead. what works at the beginning might not work in 5 years time. People also change.
The biggest issue is not how you choose but people didn't learn to work on problems. It's better to look out for new partner if there is a problem.... See, how many potential options out there? Just look around on dating sites.....
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