Why online dating is such a hard game?
Let's look back in time.What was before online dating. Newspaper personal ads, friends/family arranged blind dates, social events, bars, libraries, literally everywhere where people were.
It was very slow. It was usually down to luck. It was very limited in choices. (Usually in a limited geographic location).
Why was it good? It was natural. People met because they were at the same place. They started to talk because probably had some similar interest.
When people chose or accepted the partner they went for the "good enough" option. It was enough if it was slightly better than others. The brain is happy to do a task like this.
These days the Internet gives the false impression of unlimited choice.
Do a search. Not enough results? No problem. Widen your options and voila now you can scroll 30 pages.
And makes you believe it is down to how you choose.
Barry Schwartz wrote a book called "The Paradox of Choice". He says too much choice will be detrimental.
There are couple of problems inside:
1. Because there are so many options you believe there must be a perfect one. This means the weight of your decision is much bigger.
2. When you choose one and it's not flawless you believe other choice would have been better. Which means you will never be satisfied with the choice.
3. Choosing from a big selection is exhausting. Our brain is not made for this.
4. Big number of players mean big competition. It's very easy to feel you are the only one left alone.
5. Anonymity changes the behaviours for lot of people. They would never say things or act the similar way face-to-face as they do online.
You can find many more points if you think.
Solution: I don't know. I believe it's still a very slow game. You have to accept it you either go for just a good enough or wait much much longer. Same as it was before. The difference is you have to cancel all the noise.
Also I don't believe the marriage is about how you choose at the beginning. It's about how much work the partners put in. The marriage is a workshop. (Yes, I know the classic: Men work, women shop...)
But no one can see in years ahead. what works at the beginning might not work in 5 years time. People also change.
The biggest issue is not how you choose but people didn't learn to work on problems. It's better to look out for new partner if there is a problem.... See, how many potential options out there? Just look around on dating sites.....
Comments (58)
unless of course you are not searching more than a drive away.
keep it realistic unless one is a dreamer.
I like how you mention dating instead of relationships
welcome to the blogs Hope"
just what we need around here.
unless of course you are not searching more than a drive away.
keep it realistic unless one is a dreamer.
I like how you mention dating instead of relationships
welcome to the blogs Hope"
just what we need around here.
Is it the "what was first, the chicken or the egg" question again?
I guess dating is first, then relationship.
When it's a relationship then it's all a different game. Doesn't mean you cannot fail in that although still dating.
You can also say "searching" that might better describe the state.
Or "rejecting" maybe in most cases.
Or more precisely "searching for reasons to reject".
That's the name of the game.
Do you think I did bring hope?
Is it the "what was first, the chicken or the egg" question again?
I guess dating is first, then relationship.
When it's a relationship then it's all a different game. Doesn't mean you cannot fail in that although still dating.
You can also say "searching" that might better describe the state.
Or "rejecting" maybe in most cases.
Or more precisely "searching for reasons to reject".
That's the name of the game.
Do you think I did bring hope?
not me
As for the chicken and the egg...
I've got the answer to that one at hand, but will you believe me is another thing
not me
As for the chicken and the egg...
I've got the answer to that one at hand, but will you believe me is another thing
yes, I have different answer.
yes, I have different answer.
whilst I get on with my day
what your different answer might be, that is
I could prolly say a few things... ehm, maybe later
I could prolly say a few things... ehm, maybe later
but after 3 seconds together... then maybe
Just Kidding
No, I think I'm one of the more optimistic ones to online dating, and even across the borders.
Romantiques sans frontieres
I met a few from here and might be my next gf actaully is from cs... who knows mate.
but after 3 seconds together... then maybe
Just Kidding
No, I think I'm one of the more optimistic ones to online dating, and even across the borders.
Romantiques sans frontieres
I met a few from here and might be my next gf actaully is from cs... who knows mate.
Maybe we just overthink it.
These days when I just dream about something and Amazon delivers it the next day it's hard to accept dating is not working on the same way.
Believe me, it works!
I don't do online dating.
I'm an old fashioned gal who believes in meeting the right person, when you're in the right place, at the right time.
I believe in synchronicities and they have always worked for me, and also when two people with a frequency match are meant to meet, it will happen.
Believe me, it works!
Einstein can go to hell.
Btw, how long does it take the universe to deliver?
I don't do online dating.
I'm an old fashioned gal who believes in meeting the right person, when you're in the right place, at the right time.
I believe in synchronicities and they have always worked for me, and also when two people with a frequency match are meant to meet, it will happen.
I don't do online dating.
I'm an old fashioned gal who believes in meeting the right person, when you're in the right place, at the right time.
I believe in synchronicities and they have always worked for me, and also when two people with a frequency match are meant to meet, it will happen.
If memory serves me there was once a person of interest you had for a considerable time who once was in frequency with you. However, it could have been a power overload and shorted out his tuning circuits.
Hence, it's important to watch the impedance and wattage as the current can shift or fry the circuits
Overall, the flow of universe is never wrong only the choices of the heart and mind can ruin relationships.
Einstein can go to hell. And so Douglas Adams.
Btw, how long does it take the universe to deliver?
Having just told the universe to go to hell, do you think it will hear you from there?
Now, do you believe in the Law of Attraction?
You will only attract the energy you send out.
Send out some good vibes with a good intention, and wait and see how long it takes...?
Do you believe in Einstein's theory of relativity?
It will have to be at the right place...and the right time...
Bring your guitar, or whatever you play.
I don't do online dating.
I'm an old fashioned gal who believes in meeting the right person, when you're in the right place, at the right time.
I believe in synchronicities and they have always worked for me, and also when two people with a frequency match are meant to meet, it will happen.
If memory serves me there was once a person of interest you had for a considerable time who once was in frequency with you. However, it could have been a power overload and shorted out his tuning circuits.
Hence, it's important to watch the impedance and wattage as the current can shift or fry the circuits
Overall, the flow of universe is never wrong only the choices of the heart and mind can ruin relationships.
In fact, we never dated as he was too afraid of leaving his comfort zone.
It will have to be at the right place...and the right time...
Bring your guitar, or whatever you play.
Dating in general is hard to be honest. We meet someone on here maybe or even locally. We don't know everything about the person immediately. All their idiosyncrasies, habits, likes, dislikes, etc. We just truly don't know until we spend time with another person one on one in person.
If you are a real human being with feelings, empathy, etc you don't want to throw people aside for things like looks, job, money, etc.
I will admit there are specific things I am looking to not get involved with due to my past experience or just don't like period. For one I don't drink or smoke. I have no interest in someone who does. Yes, I have been with people who did one or both. At my age I am not interested in raising kids, so that is a big no. I just say be truthful on your profile. I am not interested in long distance relationship at least not in another country and states a bit too far away from me. Most people are not really able to move and if they say they are or can to me that is a red flag and a person should take more time to weed them out to be honest.
As for limited choices sure we have settled for what was in our backdoor so to speak that is not always healthy either in the end. Even person to person people have weird ideas on what, who, and why they pick particular people as partners. It is always that thought process what can I gain from being with that person money, lifestyle, caretaker, maid, handyman, etc.Instead of will that person add to my life and not weigh me down in some way. I can like a person does not mean we are compatible and long term relationship material. Yes, I know it takes work, but i have been down that road before thinking we can work this out. It seems only one of us wanted to put in the effort to be honest. Actually, too many people are stuck in the old ways of thinking why we get into a relationship in the first place, then there are those who use all the angles to get under your skin and they just want something or money from you. Ugh
I do not want to meet people at bars it is just not my thing, plus alcohol changes people and not in good ways. So, I am limited to my interests and things I go do on my own locally or people where I work which is great to a point since I like my work it is an extension of who I am.
People say I am fussy and should lower my standards though the tides are changing and people really need to take the time to get to know themselves and another to see if it will work. I could babble on. I try to give people a chance most do shoot themselves in the foot eventually.
and lets see if he plays it, first
Can't be counting our chickens before their hatched
And oh dear" we're back to chickens & eggs again
I don't do online dating.
I'm an old fashioned gal who believes in meeting the right person, when you're in the right place, at the right time.
I believe in synchronicities and they have always worked for me, and also when two people with a frequency match are meant to meet, it will happen.
But I'll let time take it all by doing nothing
I'm not sure if the idea is correct. (It's like not releasing any energy, but it's emptiness.
And women lose down the line because men laugh at everything they say until after she's slept with him. She's oblivious to the fact she is miss wrong because Mr Right often doesn't care about her personality until later on.
its easy enough for a man to be a man here.
Might I add, I also think could you be confusing Mr Right for Mr get the leg over.
and lets not make out, women don't play men's games either.
Dude, to each their own to learn and love. Wow, great insight from all! Concerned about being rejected (?) … its game over before it started. Why talk about what’s been discussed already … I’d do local first, but just yappin’ and many thoughts from others.
Above all don’t question an outright compliment. Lol.
Having just told the universe to go to hell, do you think it will hear you from there?
Now, do you believe in the Law of Attraction?
You will only attract the energy you send out.
Send out some good vibes with a good intention, and wait and see how long it takes...?
Do you believe in Einstein's theory of relativity?
It will have to be at the right place...and the right time...
Bring your guitar, or whatever you play.
Dating in general is hard to be honest. We meet someone on here maybe or even locally. We don't know everything about the person immediately. All their idiosyncrasies, habits, likes, dislikes, etc. We just truly don't know until we spend time with another person one on one in person.
If you are a real human being with feelings, empathy, etc you don't want to throw people aside for things like looks, job, money, etc.
I will admit there are specific things I am looking to not get involved with due to my past experience or just don't like period. For one I don't drink or smoke. I have no interest in someone who does. Yes, I have been with people who did one or both. At my age I am not interested in raising kids, so that is a big no. I just say be truthful on your profile. I am not interested in long distance relationship at least not in another country and states a bit too far away from me. Most people are not really able to move and if they say they are or can to me that is a red flag and a person should take more time to weed them out to be honest.
As for limited choices sure we have settled for what was in our backdoor so to speak that is not always healthy either in the end. Even person to person people have weird ideas on what, who, and why they pick particular people as partners. It is always that thought process what can I gain from being with that person money, lifestyle, caretaker, maid, handyman, etc.Instead of will that person add to my life and not weigh me down in some way. I can like a person does not mean we are compatible and long term relationship material. Yes, I know it takes work, but i have been down that road before thinking we can work this out. It seems only one of us wanted to put in the effort to be honest. Actually, too many people are stuck in the old ways of thinking why we get into a relationship in the first place, then there are those who use all the angles to get under your skin and they just want something or money from you. Ugh
I do not want to meet people at bars it is just not my thing, plus alcohol changes people and not in good ways. So, I am limited to my interests and things I go do on my own locally or people where I work which is great to a point since I like my work it is an extension of who I am.
People say I am fussy and should lower my standards though the tides are changing and people really need to take the time to get to know themselves and another to see if it will work. I could babble on. I try to give people a chance most do shoot themselves in the foot eventually.
It's good to see everyone's experiences.
But I'll let time take it all by doing nothing
I'm not sure if the idea is correct. (It's like not releasing any energy, but it's emptiness.)
I'm afraid "doing nothing" is not the answer. Our thoughts, as well as our words are very powerful.
If we don't ask, we don't get. Simples!
Some people can spend their own lifetime in a minute.
Time is only a human construct.
Use it by manifesting and taking action.
@Itchygirl..now don't you get any idea in your head.
Instruments come in all shapes and sizes.
Some people can spend their own lifetime in a minute.
Time is only a human construct.
Use it by manifesting and taking action.
@Itchygirl..now don't you get any idea in your head.
Instruments come in all shapes and sizes.
A duet is always better than a solo play.
@Itchygirl..now don't you get any idea in your head.
Instruments come in all shapes and sizes.
Either I've stepped back in time or I'm experiencing a bit of Déjà vu going on in here
Anyways to being optimistic
Either I've stepped back in time or I'm experiencing a bit of Déjà vu going on in here
Anyways to being optimistic
I can assure you that I've never seen this man before.
Maybe it's the Mandela effect?
I can assure you that I've never seen this man before.
Maybe it's the Mandela effect?
but the similarities of a certain Irish man, same banter, could be a rerun of the same script right down to the scorned man charging in on his raging horse
Oddly enough, I was expecting you both before each of you showed up.
Just saying is all ...
but the similarities of a certain Irish man, same banter, could be a rerun of the same script right down to the scorned man charging in on his raging horse
Oddly enough, I was expecting you both before each of you showed up.
Just saying is all ...
I'm afraid the Irishman has left this reality.
No poems from him either.
Anyway, I've only just come back for a short while to have a look around.
I can assure you that I've never seen this man before.
Maybe it's the Mandela effect?