I listen to a lot of music, indeed my house is wired up to a powerfull sound system. It never ceases to fascinate me how everyone has a "special song", a song that is connected to a time, a place or (more likely) a person. Behind every man or woman is a person with their special song. Many things hold memories for us, like touch, sight or smell. But music, for me, is the golden key to staying connected to people, to times in my life which are emotion-filled. Its 06:50 here in Galway, on with the music, into the shower and up I get for another day. Good morning.
Shaquille is a successful basketball player. At a particularly tough time in his career, he was trying to break into the NBA league. At times he doubted his ability and this particular day he was at the point of giving up. He said to him Mum "I can't do that right now, maybe later". To which she replied "LATER DOESNT COME TO EVERYBODY". That snapped him back into reality, that the time to act is not not later. He knuckled down and everything got easier for him then he says.
The word resonated with me. I look back at times I procrastinated and missed opportunities in life. The time to act is always NOW, not some time in the future.
The founder of CNN in the book describes the time in college when a lecturer gathered the new students in a circle and told the new students to "THINK FOR YOURSELF". Simple words, but profound ones for Ted who realised that taking ownership for his opinins was what mattered. And off he went.
I like people who hold strong opinions. They challenge me, make me have to think for myself too. The world needs people with opinions, to balance the closed thinkers, the people whose opinion is what they read in todays paper.
No excerpt from the book tonight.
My daughter was over in my house for a few hours this afternoon. Am separated so it typically every second weekend and maybe a few hours on a weekday that she is with me.
I moved into my house in the summer. It is surrounded by houses with married couples so I keep to myself. The wives don't want to be seen to be too friendly with a "separated man" and the husbands don't want a separated man to be visiting their house. Its just the way it it. Anyway it doesn't bother me - my friends are people I have things in common with and they mostly live in the city.
We went for a walk today and a lovely thing happened. The kids from the neighbours house asked my daughter if she wanted to play football with them. They knew her because last week a neighbour (a woman with a good heart too) was passing by and asked my daughter if she would like to walk up to the school with her to collect the local kids.
From that came the invite to include her today. An hour later she was still playing with six or seven of the local kids.
May not seem like much, but it meant a lot to me. Sometimes I feel bad for my daughter that she lives between two houses an hour apart. Yet I know the alternative is worse(growing up with parents who really shouldn't be living together). But I want to lessen the impact on her of it. Today was the start of her being accepted by the neighbours kids.
That meant so much to me
Good nite
Those of you who read my last blog will know that Saturday was an amazing day. What happened next with "her" I may/ may not put in my blog - havent decided yet. Its very early days, there is much work to be done to ground it. For now it very private.
So its back to the book..........
Venus Williams, an amazing tennis player recounts in the book the words of her sister Serena Williams during a game of doubles. Venus wasnt playing well and her sister said the fatefull words to her: "YOU HAVE A CHOICE, TO COMPETE WELL OR COMPETE BADLY. I CHOSE TO COMPETE WELL, WHY DONT YOU DO THAT TOO". An in those words Venus found a life philosophy - that if you are going to do something, give it your best, nothing less.
After that day she came back into form and played her best. She was 22 years of age when she heard those words.
It got me thinking that this is also my philosophy when I work - nothing but the best. I havent always applied it to other parts of my life, but am learning to.
It started with……..
Was on the road back from Dublin. As I drove along the motorway I spotted a pigeon heading on a collision course with my car. I just knew he was going to hit either the windscreen or the side of the car. I went to swerve into the outside lane. But out of the corner of my eye I saw a shadow in the outside lane. The sun was rising directly behind me, so that shadow had to a truck. Mid swerve, I swerved back into my lane, just as a juggernaut whizzed past in the outside lane. My side mirror is in smithereens. The pigeon is gone to pigeon heaven. I’m alive. Had to pull over and take a few deep breaths after that.
It ended with…………
The club that I dance with doing a sponsored dance in the town centre. A first for me. Bit scared but just did it anyway. Anyway a woman I first met a week ago met me there at the public dancing, as planned. She had answered my ad in the Personal section of the local paper the previous week. We had met twice before yesterday and yes - there was chemistry there. We were both so real about ourselves. It was so special, so rare. Up to then we had agreed that it was “just friends - ok”. But after seeing me dance and hearing what had happened on the way down from Dublin she made her decision. And I made mine in response. We sealed our decision with a long kiss. She will bring her son to my house to meet my daughter next weekend.
For such a special day - thank you, God, Allah, the Gods of Nature, Fate, Luck or whatever makes these special days happen.
Traveled up to see my parents overnight, so no book excerpt, sorry.
My Dad's Alzheimer’s accelerated rapidly over the summer and my mum went into hospital for an operation. The combination was utter chaos for my sister who lives with and cares for them.
Got perspective though on things from being here........
Yes, I feel loss when talking with a man who at times asks me “who are you”.
BUT my loss is insignificant compared to the loss for my Mum. For over fifty years they shared a bed, now his erratic behavior at night time and her need to recover from her operation has meant they sleep in separate bedrooms. Yet to see the tenderness between them, as they say their prayers together and share a good night kiss is heartwarming.
And for my sister it is a case of getting out to a shop or go for a walk only if she can arrange someone to be here to mind my dad. Luckily we are a very united family and between us we will cover as many weekends/ nights as we can so that she can get a break.
Have much to be thankful for, and I know it.
From the same book, Gweneth Paltrow (Oscar winner for her part in Shakespeare in Love) talks about the time in her life when she was in a relationship that just wasn't working, yet she wouldn't leave it. She was doing all the running, he was indifferent to her. She doesn't say who, but she was engaged to Brad Pitt for a year - wonder was it him ?. Anyway her friend Mary persuaded to do a retreat in the Catskills. As Gwyneth and Mary walked in the grounds of the Retreat House, Gwyeth was describing her woes about the boyfriend. (Women does that - I know !). Mary listened for a long time and then turned to her and said "YOU ARE NOT GETTING WHAT YOU NEED". And in those words Gwyneth realized that the core of the problem. That's he was not good for her, that her self-esteem has been eroded by being with him. So she ended the relationship. She also looked at the acting roles she had accepted just to be in work refused any more roles that were less than she was capable of. For her those words became a life philosophy that brought her acting fame and a happy marriage.
Got me thinking, about the extensive therapy sessions I had been doing to try to sort out my marriage. And I remembered one of the last ones, when I was rambling on about what wasn't right about the marriage, how unhappy I was, the rows, etc, etc. And my therapist just listened and listened. No advice, just listened. Finally it clicked with me and I said to him "I NEED TO END THIS, DONT I?". And he just looked at me. He knew I would eventually get to the truth, that I too would see that I was not getting what I needed. Six week later I ended the marriage.
I have also been on the other side of it, wiht a woman I dated but wasn't there for. Combination of being way over committed on holidays, being stressed out by financial and family things, and my lack of commitment to her in the relationship. She sat down with her friends and realised that she was not getting what she needed from our relationship. So she did what she had to do, she ended it.
There's my thoughts for today. Anyone else been there ?
Just finished reading the words that changed Whoopie Goldberg's life. Greta actor, The Colour Purple her best film by far. She talks about being as a teenager and dressing up in whatever she wanted to wear. One evening her friends were going out and she picked a torn overall and tie-dyed shirt to wear. Her friends were disgusted and told her to change her clothes if she wanted to join them. She then goes on to say - I looked at my mother and my mum said "Well you can change your clothes and go ahead and be like everyone else if you want. But if it's not what you want and you're strong enough to take other people's ridicule, then stand by your conviction". Those words propelled Whoopie to be the outrageously funny person that she is, she reckons.
The words reminded me of the outrageous men and women I know, all of whom challenged me and for that I'm glad. And yes there is a part of me that is outragous too, and I've encouraged it.
Everyone knows he was Mayor of New York City on 911 and displayed great leadership at a time of crises. Rudolf in the book however talks about a funeral he attended two weeks before 911. A young firefighter had died of a heart attack, Rudolf attended the funeral. The firefighter's sister was scheduled to be married soon afterwards. To the surprise of the funeral guests, his mother said "When terrible things happen I focus on the good parts of life and celebrate them even more. My daughters wedding must go ahead".
Rudolf says he remembered the words so clearly after 911. They changed his outlook on 911. He focused on the many many more that did not die as the terrorists had intended because the towers stayed standing long enough for them to get out, on the many who had been saved by the heroic actions of the firefighers.
It got me thinking about situations in my own life recently.
- My father who is slipping rapidly into the lonely world of Alzheimer's and making normal life very difficult for my mum and my sister who lives at home. I started into grieving for him this summer as it happened, but I have been able since to focus instead on his 87 years of good health, on my vivid memories of him as a great father to me growing up.
- A woman that I dated, who ended our relationship because it was not meeting her needs. For a while I wallowed in pity and grief, but I got through that and see now the many gifts that she gave in our time together, and how I have grown as a man ironically from the loss.
Am reading "The right words at the right time" by Marlo Thomas at the moment, about words that changed well known peoples lives. Great book. Was remembering one of my own recently.
Was lined up for my first ever parachute jump. Had positioned myself in the plane to be the last one to go. Came "the time" to jump and a terror like I've never know seized me, just couldnt do it. The instructor must have seen the look in my eyes, because he calmly said that if I wasnt ready the plane would go around a second time. So around he went. And the life-threatening terror was still there. And that was when he said "YOU DONT HAVE TO, BUT YOU SHOULD". He knew what I've learned since as a life philosophy. That fear can be overcome, indeed it must be if change is to happen and life to be lived to the full. I've faced the same situations in my life, but I always picture the door of the plane and his words.
hasagoodheart Blog (23)