I sit here and think. Sure you all must think I am a desperate man trying to rush-rush things. When in reality I am a practical man. I've been through the heart hurt locker too many times. Several times throughout my life I have invested myself, my energies, and yes my money into relationship that failed. Each time I have gotten up, dusted myself off, and moved forward in hopes that the next time would be the last time.
Realism tip: A person cannot truly know someone from emails or online chats. Face-to-face has to be accomplished somewhere, some time. Sure the Internet is great for screening likely candidates but how many weeks does one email back and forth (especially being in same country) before they finally meet.
Yeah, I have done the 4 month chat through messenger thing, I have done the email back and forth thing for months only to be told when I ask just to meet the person over a cup of coffee in a public place "I'm not comfortable.." I even suggest bring a friend with you "Your a nice man with good heart but..."
So did I waste my time? Or was it all a game from the beginning?
How many weeks does it take to truly decide whether the person you are talking to through email is real enough to meet or not?
In my mind, 1 month of constant emailing and chatting should be pretty much enough to make an informative decision for that 1st public meeting. If a person needs more convincing after 1 month then they were never interested in the 1st place and it has all just been a game. I say this because one should not put a profile online that says they are looking...if they are still recovering from the pains of their past.
Be patient, the right one will come along. Don't worry, she is out there.
Funny thing is that most of these statements come from either one of the following types of people:
a. someone who is already married
b. someone who already has some special but may not be married
c. someone who claims to have many fish following their line
Never comes from another single person. I join websites to look for a potential friend with the hopes that maybe something special will build from that. What I am left with is a bunch of friends who want to use me as a punching bag for the sins of their ex's. Mighty frustrating after spending so much time with people just to have them say after 4 months of emailing, chatting, and texting...'You're a good man with a good heart someone special will find you one day.'
So I try the online thing again and again only to come up with the same emptiness I experience everyday in real life. Pictures help broadcast you and you will get more responses. Send e-flowers, send e-mail, smile at them, etc. Participate in forums and blogs and more people will see you and you will get more interests.
Don't get me wrong I keep myself busy...I write, I play games on the computer, I shop, I read, I pray, I clean up after myself, I keep my home straight, I am always available when others need help or advice or just someone to listen to them. I cook, I sew, I iron, and I sleep. I changed my shift at work from daytime to nighttime so that I could lose track of the endless number of days I have been miserably alone - almost 500 days now. Hard to keep up hope & dreams when around ever corner is the same face smack of being ignored, rejected, excluded.
First answer that comes to mind...all of my friends here are family men or at least currently engaged in a long term relationship with someone.
However, that is not the answer I am searching for. Obviously, I joined a singles website to find someone special. I joined the online dating experience, one more time, except this time I am not losing my shirt in monthly fees for the same results.
Simply because in the world outside, I am getting the same response I am getting online. NO RESPONSE, NO INTEREST, NO SUCCESS I just am spending time flirting with empty cyberspace...
Please don't give me the line that these things take time. I am not a kid. I also am not blind. I see men walk out single one day and the next day they have someone. I go out single and return single. I go to places where others have told me I will find many women who desire long-term relationships...only to return with nothing but disappointment. It don't matter if I speak first or get introduced.
Phrases like "I'm not attract you..." or "I am looking for someone older coz young men play too many games" or a few other phrases that have more to do with being rejected because of my race instead of my personality.
I don't get it. Do I have to flash tons of money just to get a little interest? So is money the only means to love?
When they arrived at the hotel, they proceeded to the check in counter. “Hello, Mr. Hayaat, glad to see you back, it has certainly been a long time since your last visit with us” said the attractive counter attendant. She continued with her presentation of his hotel arrangements “We have your reservations ready; your room is No.5, here is the safe combination and your mobile sim card, for the lady her room will be next to yours as requested. She will be in No.4.” The attendant finished the details of their accommodations with “If you remember there is 24 hour room service and a full service bar and lounge down here. Now, let me show you to your rooms.” He took the keys and reached for his dream queen’s hand. This time a little more confidence showed in his touch. She wondered silently ‘Why he still booked two rooms; didn’t they agree that only one room was needed?’
After being led up one flight of stairs and let into their rooms, the attendant left and he spoke to her. “Listen,” he said softly, “I know we agreed that only one room was needed, but I wanted to make sure you were comfortable with me in person before we proceeded with the one room idea. I can close this room out anytime so don’t worry.” ‘Oh my, was he reading my mind?’ filled her undisclosed thoughts. Then other votes from her emotional gallery came flooding in as she watched him go to his room; ‘He is such a gentleman, really concerned for me. Oh yeah, I am going to enjoy these next 10 days because he is definitely presenting himself as someone I want to be close to for the rest of my life.’
‘I hope she was not offended, I just figure it would be better this way. I screwed up didn’t I? As usually, slow at everything but … oh never mind I am doing the best I can. I just hope my best doesn’t cause this to end.’ His assertive but pesky conscience battered him mentally after he entered his room. To his amazement a soft knock came at the door. He quickly went to the door and opened it to find her standing there smiling and still amazingly beautiful after such a long trip. “Ah,” she started to say “I am a bit hungry coz I haven’t eaten since I left home this morning.” ‘Oh my God, where are my manners, these words smacked his mental tablet with the quickness of a jackrabbit trying to avoid capture.’ “Come-in, I was just going to call your room and ask you if you wanted some food and drink” he quickly responded with a boyish smile. ‘Good work idiot’ echoed in his head. ‘First you shun touching her, then you book two rooms instead of the one you both agreed on over the internet and now you are trying to starve her. It would not be shocking if she is no where near here in the morning because you keep tripping over your own feet.’ These statements shredded his confidence like a hot knife through butter.
So after a bit of cordial talk they both proceeded to the immigration line; once finished there they walked a bit and then noticed that there was man holding a sign with the handwritten words “Mr. Hayaat” near the airport exit doors. He identified himself to the man by simply saying “I’m Mr. Hayaat!” Anxiously, the man responded using a familiar Asian accent “Helloooow, Welcome, Welcome… I Jin. I take you to hotel.” The driver took their bags and lead them outside to a waiting white late-model sedan with tinted windows. The hotel’s name was crookedly stenciled on the tailgate of the vehicle. While the driver loaded their luggage into the trunk, they waited for him to open the doors. The weather was nice, with the sun gently warming everything below it. The skies were clear with large puffy white clouds filling the vast blueness. There was gentle breeze that pushed sparse debris along the ground and rustled the surrounding palm trees. A freshly painted ‘LOVER’S PARADISE’ sign stood across the street surrounded by floral arrangements only seen in magazines.
Once the driver ushered them both into the vehicle; while sitting there waiting for traffic to allow the sedan to pass through to the interstate entrance, Mr. Hayaat and this angle of beauty next to him both stole looks at one another with each quickly turning away once the other person’s gaze was met. The connection that each had felt so many miles away was getting stronger by the moment. They made small talk about their flights during the hour ride from the airport to their hotel. Their moods were joyous and full of laughter.
‘Wow, he really is a very funny man; he makes me laugh so much. I am feeling as giddy as a school on her first date with the high school jock.’ These were the thoughts that invaded her mind and engaged her emotions. This was the man who stole her heart through the internet over the past 6 months and he was every bit, so far, worth the wait. She tried to look away from his gaze to glance at the scenery passing by. She hadn’t traveled out of her country in last 5 years so this vacation was as much a new beginning as it was a relief from her daily life back home. She would not be working, cleaning house, and cooking. There would be no phones to answer or memos to type for at least the next 10 days. No, for the next 10 days she was going to be in the company of the man who invaded her dreams, made her smile every day. The man who she related to because he shared his pain with her over many hours chatting and many tears shed. The man whose eyes showed her the soul of someone she could fall completely in love with was now sitting right next to her. Her mind pushed forward its pending doubts and the small request of ‘I must be dreaming…God, please let this be real.’
They were two strangers because they had never truly met in person. Sure they had chatted on the internet and seen each other through web cam but there had never been physical presence between them. Even with the few phone conversations they had nothing could have prepared them for this what was about to happen. Nervousness and doubts of whether ‘will he like me’ or ‘will she like me’ ran ramped through their minds. ‘Am I really going to do this?’ interjected itself into the fear mechanism of their psyche. As discussed on the internet in the weeks before this day both had quickly informed each other that they had never done something like this before because it sounded too crazy and possibly dangers. However, reassurances and shared eagerness led each of them to embark on this journey from all that is comfortable and familiar to meet a person that bring about a joyful and exciting change to each of their lives. Sure both had previous visited this agreed upon location but now it seemed as unfamiliar as the encounter that has now presented itself to these two emotionally charged and mentally reserved travelers.
The air was still but one could still hear the hustle and bustle of airport activity. For both travelers these next 10 days were going to be a new chapter into the exploration of a life that could become a reality instead of the dreams they both had had. As loudspeakers blasted through the air announcing flight arrivals and departures for the thousands of other airport customers, both stood motionless as though nothing else was going on around them, each trying to gather the inner courage to make the first move. Her eyes filled with tears of joy as she finally located the man she had been dreaming of meeting each and every night for the past 6 months.
He was utterly amazed by the natural beauty of the woman whom he had seen so many times through his laptop. Yes, webcams lie because they did not even fully magnify her beautiful features. Never did he have imagined that this beautiful woman was ever going meet him. He was able to recognize her immediately from the description of the dress she said she would wear in their last phone conversation. She looked like an angel; her hair fell upon her shoulders most gracefully outlining her cheeks; the cream colored dress hugged and outlined her features well but did not degrade her as many of today’s fashions do. He noticed that she was smiling but this smile was brighter and more heart-warming than the ones he had seen so many times on the computer and in his dreams. ‘Well there is the woman I have been waiting for…now legs start moving’ was the thought that encouraged his inner mind but body did not seem to be receiving the message.
The way they looked at each other, holding each other’s gaze, time felt motionless and it seemed like a million years had passed despite being only a matter of minutes. Finally his body slid into action guiding him towards her. It felt like he would never reach her despite being only a few feet apart. The airport crowd was not thick but still too many people stood in the way between him and her. ‘This was it, you are finally here’ popped up in his mind as he reached where she was standing.
Awkwardly, he extended his hand and said “Hello, Where have you been all my life?” ‘Wow, what a corny line…’ was the quick scolding that his conscience piped up but he was so nervous that all his fluttering mind forgot the nine hours spent on a plane, with his mind racing and his heart pounding; he rehearsed so many different greetings but none of them came to mind when the anticipated event finally evolved. Nonetheless, her smile was gentle and calming, and with soft laughter she replied “I don’t know, but I am here now.” He finally let the air he has been holding escape from his lungs. Truly nothing he had ever imagined could describe what he was mentally and emotionally going through at that very moment.
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