Rushing or just Realism...
I sit here and think. Sure you all must think I am a desperate man trying to rush-rush things. When in reality I am a practical man. I've been through the heart hurt locker too many times. Several times throughout my life I have invested myself, my energies, and yes my money into relationship that failed. Each time I have gotten up, dusted myself off, and moved forward in hopes that the next time would be the last time.Realism tip: A person cannot truly know someone from emails or online chats. Face-to-face has to be accomplished somewhere, some time. Sure the Internet is great for screening likely candidates but how many weeks does one email back and forth (especially being in same country) before they finally meet.
Yeah, I have done the 4 month chat through messenger thing, I have done the email back and forth thing for months only to be told when I ask just to meet the person over a cup of coffee in a public place "I'm not comfortable.." I even suggest bring a friend with you "Your a nice man with good heart but..."
So did I waste my time? Or was it all a game from the beginning?
How many weeks does it take to truly decide whether the person you are talking to through email is real enough to meet or not?
In my mind, 1 month of constant emailing and chatting should be pretty much enough to make an informative decision for that 1st public meeting. If a person needs more convincing after 1 month then they were never interested in the 1st place and it has all just been a game. I say this because one should not put a profile online that says they are looking...if they are still recovering from the pains of their past.
Comments (11)
A month of emailing should be more than enough. In our case we swapped about 4 emails before meeting for the "quick drink". Its quite easy to tell who is interested and who isnt; how fast do they respond to you, do you get one word or one sentence mails back etc etc. I think you need to filter out the people who clearly arent interested, or just make sure you file them under "friends only".
It seems that a particular problem with this site may be that some people (me included) are really here to swap mails and write on the forums / blogs. To that extent we have here a chatting site, not necessarily a serious dating site.
The other thing is.......I wouldn't take too literally what people say they are looking for and whether you fit or not. Ok obviously if a girl is looking for age 25-35, she is unlikely to go for a guy who is 65. Having said that, if you can establish some kind of connection then other things probably wont be too important. Again in my case I didnt fit her requirements too well at all, in terms of age, previous marriage history, having children etc etc. But after one meeting these became irrelevant.
Anyway good luck with it !
I got emails everyday, none of them got my attention. Why???? they are looking for someone who will go with them in the bed and that's it.
Dating on line is really not a good source to find someone. It is only like a guiding tool.
I prefer still to find here, near to me and I will know the person in front. I can see and I can sense if he is sincere or not.
If I can't find Mr. Right, but I can add more friends...
Have a nice day...
So I look local but all I seem to find are people who only want to be friends. Don't get me wrong...friends are great. However, I did not join a singles online dating website just to find friends... Finding friends has never been a problem for me...
Problem still that near is great when there is potential. Near is great if the person and I share same focus. Going to bed with someone immediately is not my focus. Never has been. Finding that special someone to share my life with is my focus.
Honestly, rushing things is always wrong. However really after 1 month people should generally know where they stand with each other. I understand laws of attraction too. Can't make someone be attracted to me. Can't make someone answer emails or flowers.
Let's see out of 72 women in my local area, 24 with picture, and 12 that actually come online....one might guess that maybe just 1 or 2 would return reply.
Okay so yes have had 1 or 2 return reply. But like was said in earlier comment if it is just 1 line or 1 word reply...What I do?
Finally, when it comes to reading profiles. Sure people put up their ideal match preference as a guideline. However, to me if a person cannot take the time to read a profile then that also means possibly that person will not take the time to even listen to the person they are "interested in" so why take the chance of being shot down when if I just read what they ask for see if I match and go from there. Again can't make someone like you when you are not the person they are looking for.
Your profile says you are looking for Indian, asian or muslims girls. Maybe you should try a site like
Goodluck.
Next again under the reading is fundamental....I also read other people's profiles which means I am not going to send mail to anyone who my profile does not match (i.e. if they are looking for a christian then I guess since I am muslim and not converting back...we would not be a match...) But you know...it don't matter anymore.
Nothing matters, why because I learned one thing people are very quick to give the wrong advice...and very slow to give the right advice. While you all may be fine and dandy with emailing some1 in your own town or city etc for months on end just to try to figure out if you can have a cup of coffee....I am not.
I also know 2 things in life...first of all there is not relationship without friendship....and there is no friendship with communication. I am not going to say I like some one or I love someone from emails alone. If I can see their actions, if I can see their eyes when a question is asked, etc...then it is not a relationship or even a friendship. it is just a meaningless waste of time...for what?
SO say as you may but luckily this site has decent forums & free games...coz I ain't going to waste my time trying to learn about someone when everyone wants to hide behind their LCD screens.
Rushing...some you really need to learn reading comprehension because if you even read the original blog then you would see that my frustration is with several months of email to people in the same country. If you can meet someone in a public place full of other people...then there is nothing to continue corresponding about. I never said anything about rushing through anything, nor have I even close to given anyone the impression I am in a hurry but if being direct by say listen am willing to work on friendship if it is going somewhere. I don't need any more friends especially only online friends...as I said I don't have any problems meeting friends male or female in real life.