A resolution for 2011.
2010 has taught me valuable lessons about myself and other people in my life - it’s not a year I wish to repeat but one that cannot be entirely regretted. ~It has made me realise that I was foolish not to look for help sooner, that self recrimination achieves nothing and that I can’t control everything & so should stop trying.
2010 has brought new friends and a needed boost to my self belief and for this I am grateful.
And so to a New Year ….
Top of my list is MORE leaps of faith .
MORE time for me .
MORE laughter, more hugs and kisses
MORE time with friends and people that are important
MORE action, less procrastination
MORE love, more dates, more getting out ….
What’s important for you in the coming year?
Daily I read blogs and posts about people professing to have had their hearts broken my unscrupulous characters or occasionally by the supposed love of their life – without ever physically having met the person - it really does beg the question, Can you fall in love with a Cyber partner? And how do you define a cyber boyfriend/girlfriend – are there rules or parameters?
Perhaps it’s my cynical nature but the idea seems impossible to me, surely the nearest one comes is perhaps falling in lust with a perception or creating a persona to fill a void . But actual love – that’s a tough one, now I know love is blind but how do you feel chemistry over the interweb?
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not doubting the validity of the emotion just the reasons behind it – I’ve a couple of people on here that I feel I have become close to, for different reasons. There’s one with whom a romantic connection with would be no doubt pleasant and I think I could easily fall in lust, if not love and yes be hurt by them if the feeling was not reciprocated. However, actually seeing them face to face would be a very necessary part of the journey.
Another purely fills a need – I don’t know what he looks like, but he can talk the talk with the sexiest damn accent – and for some unknown reason I trust him totally and that makes things very interesting ;-) I have no intention of actually meeting him and maybe this is why I can be so open with him.
Finally there’s a guy that if not Mr Right, could well be the right guy for right now … but we’ll see.
But a cyber partner? Still think I need some convincing …. What’s your cyber story?
Days of sorrow and optimism
I feel as if I have spent the last 24 hours balancing the world between the mundane normality of everyday life and a veil of sadness and tears that threatens to engulf me.
I’ve prone to over empathizing and that’s much of what maligns me – two friends have lost people very close to them this week and a relative has been diagnosed with terminal cancer. It saddens my heart to think of them suffering, don’t get me wrong I’ve not taken to my bed in despair but tears are never far away and can spring with unapparent prompting.
But out of all sadness there’s a glimmer of hope – an online friend with much more reason to despair than I, managed has usual to raise my optimism through my tears, he’s a profound man with unbelievable talent and time for others.
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FROM PATRICK THE OPTIMIST
This week was going really well… I had just finished my new invention, Splint Glove 2, and was really pleased with it. My research was going really well, a couple of side projects coming along nicely. Ammar’s portrait was finished, and my MND hadn’t pulled any nasty tricks on me for over a week. Then I heard that my friend Ray had died.
I knew Ray from my local MND group. He had bulbar MND and couldn’t talk, but he had a wicked, irreverent sense of humour, and I really liked him. My MND group meets every couple of months, and each time there are maybe four or five people there with MND.
I am very lucky to have an unusually slow progression rate, but most people are not so lucky. I see the newly diagnosed people walk in, and I talk to them, befriend them, and help them where I can. I then watch them deteriorate over the following months, get worse and worse, and then die. Every time, there is left in the wake of that death, a trail of broken and wounded people – family, friends, loved ones. Wounds that will not heal.
Ray is the fifth friend of mine who has died of MND, in the short time I have been a member of my local group.
And then, the next day, Kathy’s mum died.
What hope of light is there in this darkness?
My only comfort is this. As I sit there cold in my wheelchair at the funeral, my breath in clouds before me, amongst a black clad group of Kath’s family, stood sombre in the snow, there are brilliant scientists in warm laboratories across the world working hard to beat not only MND, but Alzheimer’s too – the disease Kathy’s mum had. Over the vast landscape of Arizona, someone jumps from a plane, skydiving to raise money for research. As the parachute opens, a man in Paris staggers to a halt, smiling, gasping, his marathon run – more euro’s for the cause. And as the runner drinks from his bottle, my neurologist in Oxford hits someone’s knee with a little rubber hammer, measuring, caring, helping. He looks up at his patient and smiles, and at the same moment, in the frozen churchyard in Somerset Kathy looks down at me with tears in her eyes. I squeeze her hand with what little grip I have. Today I am caring for Kathy, but normally she cares for me, and she is the most thoughtful, caring person in the world.
There is much that is bleak here, but there is much that is good also. There are people out there fighting to stop MND and there are people caring for those that have it. The system is not perfect, but we have made a start, and I take comfort in that.
I am a lucky man.
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And so for whatever wearies your spirit today, know that these things too will pass. There are always blessings to be found.
So what do I want for 2012? True love, happiness, lottery win? Well, they'd all be nice and I'm sure with the latter the first 2 might become if not a little more attainable, then at least easier to live without
A quote from Shakespeare has come to mind several times - and it is to this I aspire, yes I fear I may be a trifle melodramatic but what the hell ...
Perdition catch my soul, But I do love thee; and when I love thee not, Chaos is come again.
I want that churning, irrational and despairing emotion that we get from those heady days of romance - when a day can be made by his smile or broken by his silence.
I was talking to somebody this evening who finds themselves deep in the heart of chaos, only partly of their making and to them I have to say - faint heart never won fair lady.
As things stand you face only uncertainty, perhaps it is time to see which way the die is cast - you're actions will not seal your fate, only clarify your future.
Be brave young warrior!
Send that card but write a small note and place your heart within it - search for the words you really want to say, not the ones that you feel that she may need or want to hear.
Finally, spare a thought for a really special lady and her 2 children who lost their partner and daddy suddenly today, he was just 38 and count your many blessings.
Not aimed at any specific man, just 4 mistakes that have made it into my inbox … all of them more than once
How big are your breasts? – if you have to ask then be sure that even if I were ever to tell you, that’s as near as you’re ever going to get. Ok, it might be a valid, even welcomed question if you’ve moved into the online intimacy “thang” but as a 4th or 5th mail then really guys it’s a no brainer. If you really can’t tell then you need lessons in gauging – it might take a bit of practice but you can train your eye to spot the difference between a d cup and a g cup. Google some 36D women and use them as your base line, once you can spot a 36D in a line up – then take a look at 2 cup sizes each side. After that it’s about recognizing body or “rack” size and before you know it, you’ll never have to ask again, you can just test how accurate your readings are when you pick her bra up off the bedroom floor (although remember 70% supposedly wear the wrong size bra – so perhaps at this point you can teach her something about her breasts!) Anyway, I digress – this wasn’t meant to be an exercise in tit spotting…
Are you up for fun? Really – just some specifics please – I know a guy who likes to tie himself up with bootlaces & it aint my idea of fun, another one likes a night at the dogs. Please a little more info and maybe some options, otherwise the conversation becomes a bad Carry On script of oooer – fun Mrs? type scenarios. Either that or he’s getting out the ball gag and rubbing his hands (I pray God it’s just his hands) with glee.
I am A******* from Jordan, 33 years old I live in the capital Amman, a very romantic quiet sexy foul like honesty I hate lies and treason open mind I live my life is very normal, I love walking by the sea, especially at sunset like dinner and have a red candle search honest woman loves married life sanctify this association lies and hate to play a good affectionate emotional I do not want to ask the impossible Want to build It does not matter at the outset to be a relationship and friendship that develops later a serious relationship marriage relationship successful they have religion or age as it is very important Advert that I mentioned and the rest later and I hope everyone success ….. cos yes - I can really see this one working out.
Fancy a shag? Of course – I was just waiting here for someone to ask love. Like, will that line ever work, for any guy – ever? Maybe it’s were I’m going wrong – instead of searching for true happiness and all that stuff and bunkum maybe I should just send out 200 shag me? flowers, or perhaps I should be polite and add a please to prove that I’m genuine. If nothing else it might improve my social calendar for 2011 ….
Finally – if I give you my msn don’t send me pics of your hard on to prove it really is eight or however many inches – it really puts me off my cornflakes ...
I've spent recent days disheartened and disillusioned about affairs of the heart - to find someone that I can even consider letting into my life seems so unattainable.
Maybe I am self sabotaging on some sub conscious level & so for now I'm going to concentrate on trying to make some sense of my own emotions, my own wants and how this will influence any future relationships.
Succinctly put, my last relationship failed miserably at the end due to one simple factor - we did not give freely, life became a petty game of give and take and compromise without reward.
I really want any future relationship to be borne out of trust, honesty, mutual appreciation and a desire to give without expectation. Love without expectation - when mutual, is as close to 100% as I can think of. Different to love without reciprication - which by it's virtue is self destructive.
Sounds easy doesn't it? Yet it encompasses so much.
Like everyone I want to be loved and cherished but I also want a man who will allow himself to be loved, who'll take compliments and suprises with the same delight that they were executed with. I want someone who'll talk to me, not at me and will let me listen to all they have to say.
I don't care if he looks at other women or flirts in bars, as long as he looks at me in the same way and reaches for my hand for no reason than he can.
I want someone to laugh with, confide in, share secrets with and whisper dirty thoughts to in public. That guy - the one I just want to make happy ...
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