RIP DAD & MOM - I LOVE AND MISS YOU - THIS IS FOR YOU XOXO

A teenage event that happened in my life 4 decades ago.

Went to a house party. Much later a fight broke out, so couldn't find the friend i came out, becasue the scene was just chaotic. Met a guy there who I had kissed in the past who offered me a walk home.I was so grateful because i had a strict parents (rightly so), and my curfew had long since past. This guy first stopped by his grans house to pick up his jacket. Offered for me to come in which i did,and I was extremely quiet cos his gran was sleeping.

After jacket sorted, he the started kissing me, no harm in that, but then he wanted to take it further. By then i was terrified, asked him to please take me home, crying, begging, pleading all in whispers cos his gran was there asleep somewhere in that house. Despite all of that he still flatly refused to take me home. His ultimatum to me was "either sleep with me and I will take you home", or walk home on your own and get raped". Bearing in mind this was 2.00 a.m on a Sunday morning and it was a 30 mins walk home, I was petrified.

Sanity prevailed in my befuddled mind, so I then walked outside and waited on the road, hoping he would come up and feel remorse and safely accompany me home. Nothing, nada, crickets!

Luckily (amdist all the trauma i was going through in the pitch black of the night), i remembered that I had a friend who lived a street away, and so I ran to her home with a pounding heart and banged on her door. Thank goodness she was home. I told her what had happened and told her that she had to wake me at 6.00 a.m sunday morning because I knew my parents would be frantic with worry and furious too! She did exactly that. Bless her.

I took the long early morning walk of shame home at 6.00 am in the morning, constantly aware aware of drivers going by staring at me, people on early morning walks staring me. I kept my head down shamefully and felt humiliated every long step it took me to reach home.

When I got home, my mom screamed at me, called me a b*tch and told me to go to my room. I was sobbing so much and so hurt by what she called me. She does not use vulgar language ever. So for her to use that word on me, I subconsciously knew it was just her franticness coming across and relief that her daughter was finally safely home.. But I'm also human, so i also recall thinking in my traumatised state "Mom if only you knew the truth. I'm 16 years old, not a b*tch and still a virgin".

My dad came to my room soon after, where i was sobbing uncontrollably, facedown on my bed. He then very calmly asked me if the story I had told my mom and him was true. I told him yes it was. He then told me that he believed me He did warn me though, in a calm but stern voice, that if he ever heard a contradictory story to the explanation i gave them for sleeping out, I was going to be in serious trouble and that there were going to be serious consequences.

The truth is most of the my story was true. The only part I didnt tell my parents was this guys ultimatum to me. And that has stayed with me my whole life. Buried deep, but wont ever be forgotten.AND thank goodness my parents did not ever hear the real story.

My parents are now long since deceased. May their precious souls RIP. I loved them with all of my heart and still miss them terribly. SO Mom and Dad, wherever you may be, I am finally unburdening the "lie" i told you. Now you know the truth, and I deeply regret not trusting you enough to tell you the true events of that night.

I still ask myself as that young innocent 16 year old, as to why didnt i tell my parents the truth? Why did i take the shame upon myself and not out the guy that scarred me to some degree as a teenager?

It still hurts me that I didn't tell my parents what really happened that night.

SO, Mom and Dad,wherever you might be now in the afterlife, now you know the trauma your daughter went through that night. This is for you. Im finally releasing it and letting it go.xo