Realisations and Peace

Recently, I realised something that I've probably known for a very long time but chosen to ignore. Not sure if it's worth sharing with you all but maybe someone will get something positive from it.

My perception of my own life and the way I live it ( or should have lived it even) have in the past seemed hazy and unclear but of late, having taken a while to stand back and stop searching I have come to the conclusion that I am honestly happy with the hand that I have been dealt. No regrets and no 'what if 's'.

Sounds silly and mundane I'm sure but the realisation of contentment and the smiles it causes me to share in everyday life is like a freedom many people don't have the privilege to feel.

I have read some very sad blogs, some desperate tales and my heart sinks for those that are feeling pain and burden. I believe we're all here for similar reasons,we've probably all felt that pain at some stage and for those feeling it now, hugs and kind thoughts.

If I may I'd like to share a certain turning point that helped me.One I only realised very recently.

Yesterday at work, I ended up swapping numbers with a lady that needed help in my field. It transpired that she ended up at my home last night and what started as a semi work related topic soon turned to the 'you're a single mum too can I please ask you how you coped with .......'

She was obviously dealing with personal pain and her eyes welled as she spoke to me. I have met her but a few times during a working day never outside the office. I was open and answered her honestly and I believe she felt less alone leaving then when she arrived.

One thing struck me from our conversation that reminded me of a time when I felt I could never feel real 'happy' again and that was her repetition of 'I can't understand and why'

The situation I had previously been in had made me feel that same way.
Only when I realised I didn't actually need to know why or understand did I also realise that everyone has the right to make choices, ex's included. I don't need to know why any more. I don't even need to understand because he made a choice that was best for him, if I had been in his shoes maybe I would have made a choice that he didn't understand. Either way, acceptance of the situation was what I really needed not the whys or what for.

My life is my own, I chose to look forward and cherish the good memories and release any bad. Positive vibes my friends and find your smiles, they miss you.