Going Home(Blanket of Snow)for my son

I can`t see you anymore,my son,though I want to so badly.You are not in my world any more.An accident took you from me,without any warning,there were no choices-What did God have in store? I no longer mend the gaps that kept us upart,or worry about my trust or yours that was in the midst of your growing.-My own faults and uncomprimising ways are not as important as the grief of the unknowing. I still select a memory packet of you,but avoid and weed out what hurts me.I continue to weave a blanket of self-pity and blend the fibers of good and bad,because I`m human,you see. I can`t even look forward to ordinary things,like your marriage,or being a grandparent;the fulfillment of being a mother. Even though you were, to me, an unpolished diamond,there were impurities,and your brilliance was lost,through death,because of another. There is,for us, no lingering companionship for today,or yesterday,and being together,so I could just touch you,and keep you safe in my own circle of love. The pain of death holds no boundries,and can be so intensely deep in the heart, and only God can offer some comfort from above. You are gone forever and I can`t bring you back into a life that was ill-measured.Though my heart will still ache,I rejoice in knowing your soul takes on a new life amid the stars you seem to have treasured. I can`t help you anymore,as I tried to do in your coma,and during all your pain...but where you are going,you won`t have need of your beautiful car,or go out to walk in the rain. Yes,what`s most important is,there`ll be no more pain,no more need of shedding tears,No more sorrow there,no earthly worries,and no more fears...But I will still miss you-and the way you were...My only comfort is,knowing,at last,you`re "Going Home". For Johnny(`63-`87) Footnote:Think before you drink and drive.