My Messy Life

Why are so many people looking for the perfect clean cut life?

My life is messy, but it is mine.

I don’t know many people my age, looking for a mate, that haven’t made mistakes nor have baggage. Some people act as if I do not have a right to even look for someone until my life is perfect. That’s like saying you will not go to church until you are sinless, or shoveling snow while it is still snowing. I have confidence that when the right person comes around, they will forgive my past, current, and future mistakes. I am not perfect, and never plan to be. My life will never look like Mary Poppins.

I continue to find moments of joy even though my icky circumstances still surround me. Tonight it is pouring down rain, unusual in Montana. I have to admit that I smiled as I looked around my incredibly messy home. Shoes and children’s things are pretty much everywhere. Tonight we had a crazy dinner. I didn’t have much energy or money so I made homemade waffles and syrup for dinner. I used half the batter to attempt deep fried Oreos for some fun. After dinner, my 13 year old read to my 8 year old on the couch. My 10 year old showed me his newest Yo Yo tricks, and my 16 year old pretended not to notice anyone while texting on her iPhone, but she was on the couch in the midst of it ;). There we are together, messy, but together. And though the world around us seems to continue to fall apart, we love each other, and I can smile in this moment.

Sure I would love to pass my mother’s white glove test, to have the perfect orderly family, a loving man and solid role model, but this is my life for now. I don’t think there is anything wrong with me wanting “adult” time. I take care of everyone by myself. I don’t think it is wrong to dream of someone wanting to “take care” of me. So I will wait with a positive attitude for the person who will keep a smile on my face and not condemn me for my messy life.