How to find a Job and Get Off Welfare

If you get invited in for an interview be prepared. Try writing a list of questions you would like to ask and familiarize yourself with it. Some good questions might include but need not be limited to:


How much vacation do I get?

How long are the coffee breaks?

How much is the pay?

Are alcoholic beverages allowed on the job?

Do I have to bring my own pillow or are they supplied?

Are the chicks here good looking?

If you have long hair get a haircut for Pete's sake. Make sure the barber shaves most of your head down to the skin leaving only a few areas untouched to preserve that "splotchy" look.
If you really can't stand the thought of getting a haircut at least dye your hair green or purple or something.


If you are an American pretend you have some kind of disability. An easy one to fake would be Tourette's Syndrome. Every few minutes blurt out some insulting remark like, "eat shit" or something. Then apologize and tell them you have Tourette's Syndrome. This may scare them into hiring you in case you were to sue them later for not hiring you (ADA).

One indicator of extreme kewlness I observed just last summer involved guys going to a dance or nightclub carrying a workout towel. Most of the time they just left the towel wrapped around their necks with the open part at the front.
It always seems odd the way more than one person starts doing something no one ever thought of doing before..... like wearing a workout towel to a bar or a dance. Perhaps it is a way of stating for the benefit of the world at large that individuals so attired are in some important way part of some "IN" crowd.

It might be a good idea to carry a workout towel as well when looking for employment. In addition to demonstrating how kewl the wearer is it almost might suggest to potential employers that you have come prepared. After all, a workout towel could have numerous on-the-job applications such as:


Waiters, waitresses and bartenders can use them to wipe tables etc.