jokes..........

A husband comes home from work, grabs a beer from the fridge, and sits down to watch the ball game. His wife sneaks up from behind, with a tightly rolled up magazine and hits him over the head with it. "Ouch!!! he yells. What the hell was that for?" The angry wife says...."That's because I found this in your pants pocket!!" She shows him a crumpled up piece of paper. "What is that?" he asks. She opens the piece of paper, which clearly has the name "Laura Lou" written on it. "Who is she?" the wife asks. The husband rolls his eyes and says to her, "Jesus, what's the matter with you huh? I've been married to you for 25 years, and not once have I ever cheated on you, nor have I given you any reason to be jealous.....yet you continue to pull this crap on me. When will you ever trust me?" The wife screams back at him, "Well who is she!" The husband replies, "Laura Lou, is the name of a racehorse. I got my haircut yesterday, and the guy next to me gave me this hot tip. Laura Lou in the 4th race, a sure winner. I wrote it down so I wouldn't forget the name. So there, ya feel better now huh?" The wife apologizes. The next day, the husband comes home from work, sits down and watches the game. His wife sneaks up from behind, but this time holding an iron skillet. She whacks him in the back of the head, knocking him out cold. When he finally comes to, he looks at her and says, "What the hell is wrong with you.......now what?" The wife smiles, and says, "Your horse just called."

"Dialog In The Darkness"
Wife: Oh, come on.
Husband: Leave me alone!
Wife: It won't take long.
Husband: I won't be able to sleep afterwards.
Wife: I can't sleep without it.
Husband: Why do you think of things like this
in the middle of the night?
Wife: Because I'm Hot.
Husband: You get hot at the darnest times.
Wife: If you love me I wouldn't have to beg you.
Husband: If you love me you'd be more considerate.
Wife: You don't love me anymore.
Husband: Yes I do, but let's forget it for tonight.
Wife: (Sob-Sob)
Husband: All right, I'll do it.
Wife: What's the matter? Need a flashlight?
Husband: I can't find it.
Wife: Oh, for heaven's sake, feel for it!
Husband: There! Are you satisfied?
Wife: Oh, yes, honey.
Husband: Is it down far enough?
Wife: Oh, that's fine.
Husband: Now go to sleep. The next time, it's
your turn to get up and turn the thermostat down.
Wife: Yes, honey.
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A guy goes over to his buddy's house, rings the bell, but his buddy's
wife answers.
" Hi is Tony home?"
" No he went to the store."
" Well, you mind if I wait?"
" No come in."
They sit down and the friend says "You know Nora, you have the
greatest breasts I have ever seen. I'd give you a hundred bucks if I
could just see one."
Nora thinks about this for a second an figures what the hell - a
hundred bucks.
She opens her robe and shows one. He promptly thanks her and throws
100 bucks on the table. They sit there a while longer and Chris says
"They are so beautiful I got to see the both of them. I'll give you
another 100 bucks if I could just see the both of them together."
Nora thinks about this and says what the hell opens her robe and
gives Chris a nice long look. Chris thanks her and throws another
100 bucks on the table then says he can't wait any longer for Tony
and he leaves.
A while later Tony arrives home and his wife says "You know your
weird friend Chris came over."
Tony thinks about this for a second and asks,
"Well,... did he drop off the 200 bucks he owes me?"