I didn't mess around...did I?

Last year my 3 years relationship with my bf was on the rocks, I asked for a break and found CS. I joined the site and discovered how fun blogging is. Met so many nice people here, made friends with others from different countries, harmlessly briefly flirted with some guys till I met someone who made my days brighter, he made me laughed and do crazy funny things that no one else did. We became very close, gotten to know each other so well, we could talk and laugh about everything...all was great, all we need to do was meet in real life.

He asked to meet up many times but I wasn't ready. We talked and became very close for almost 10 months. During the fourth month, my ex-bf contacted me and wanted to sort things out. I honestly told him I've met someone online and already moved on. Well, online relationship is not really something that could go up against a relationship that had foundation in real life. Things became confusing to me, I cancelled every plans to meet up due to uncleared issues with my ex-bf. Maybe I'm not being honest to myself but I'm honest to them.

I chose to meet and talk to my ex-bf first cos I felt that what we've shared for 3 years deserve a chance to find out if there's still something worth keeping for. I felt it would be then the right time to say goodbye properly in person in a respectful way..then I could meet and hug my online best friend and lover for 9 months in real life and perhaps be happy with him.

My ex-bf came and left again a couple of weeks ago. I didn't have the heart to turn someone down...someone who would do so much to have me and make me feel loved and wanted. Things got sorted as he have wanted...I wasn't 100% on it cos part of me was thinking of someone else.

It's a difficult choice for me. I chose someone whom I've already met and shared my life with over someone I fell in love online who might not feel the same towards me in real life.

That wonderful 9 months will haunt me from time to time ...I will just have to learn to live with it. Sometimes I still have some wishful thinking that maybe just maybe I could meet this special someone in real life someday...I owe him a cup of coffee at least. I know it's wrong and mustn't happen....just me being fruityloopy, I guess.

I really really wish him a very happy life and he will always be my online bestfriend.

To all my friends here, I hope you'll understand and find some lessons to learn from my story.

Merry Christmas to you all....Lovelots, Jx