CCTV Spying

Wherever we travel in the world we will be monitored by CCTV cameras. Here in the UK we are monitored more than any other people of the world. Somewhere there is probably video tape or digital images of most of the world’s inhabitants.

It is not known how many CCTV cameras are in the UK but a 2002 working paper by Michael McCahill and Clive Norris of UrbanEye estimated the number of surveillance cameras in private premises in London at 400,000 and the total number of cameras in the UK at around 4,000,000. One camera for every 14 people.

In London the congestion charge is enforced with cameras inside the congestion charge zone. They automatically read the registration plates of cars and a fine is imposed if charges haven't been paid.

"Talking CCTV" cameras have been installed in town-centres, a system pioneered in Wiltshire which allows CCTV operators to communicate directly with the public when they see an offence being committed. This idea first appeared in George Orwell's famous novel Nineteen Eighty-Four.

Where will it all stop? Will it stop? We now have online galleries where we can see details of convicted people. What if we were to combine some of this modern technology? Envisage a society where all the criminals could be incarcerated for a short while and then released after having a surgical implant of patchouli oil.

Patchouli oil detectors could be setup all round the town centres and inhabited areas and it would be like something out of Invasion of the Body Snatchers. Whenever that smell came to the attention of the detectors a siren could be activated and a big plastic finger would be extended to point at the criminals. The advantage would be that the distinctive aroma would waft into your nostrils and we could have all “normal citzens” point and scream. Criminals wouldn’t have anywhere to go and they’d be pleading to have their surgical patchouli implants removed with promises of going straight, some just to get rid of the smell.

And what level of crime would qualify for Patchouli Oil Implant? Obviously there would have to be some measure. A cut off point would have to be established for POI as obviously we wouldn’t want to implant everyone, would we? Although I suppose that as detectors became more sensitive it would be possible to have different grades of POI or VGPOI’s.

We already have so many measures in our lives. Adding another wouldn’t be too much of a problem. Already we have measures of height, weight, colour of hair, eye colour, ethnic origin. When filling out forms we are already well versed in providing answers to a wide variety of statistics which include all of these facts, plus our age, place of birth, gender, religious persuasion, previous names etc. Is the time coming when the measure of your VGPOI will be required on forms of all kinds?

Of course the powers that be need all these statistics and measurements in order to verify the veracity of your information. But why stop at these simple measurements? Why not extend the brief?

Imagine if you had to give other measurements for example you’d have questions like
What is your normal volume?
What is your average velocity in Km/Hour?
What is the length of your smile?
Your inside leg measurement?

Wouldn’t they make as much sense?
Perhaps we should have more measurements which are difficult to change. This could avoid people cheating the system and dyeing their hair or wearing coloured contact lenses or walking with a stoop.

What is the length of your nose from bridge to tip?
Length from fingertip to wrist?
Width of your head ear to ear?

There’d be a whole new ethos in society. Instead of people commenting he’s a 6 footer …he’s overweight, must be at least 14 stone…. you’d have Blimey he’s got a wide head. Look at the measure of her bellybutton to nipple! My she’s got a tidy volume on her. Look at the size of her acceleration per second per second!

The way things are going the time may not be far off.