Why does it hurt so much? (20)
Carsten: I met this really nice girl from London...Me..I live in Denmark.
I got so fond of this girl that I was ready to move to London just to be closer to her.
We´ve been talking/chatting for 5 months.
Now after I´ve visited her 2 times (over 2 weekends) where we kissed and held hands....nothing more....she even said she loved me...and it felt right....I was supposed to visit her for easter but now she says that she only likes me as a friend and that it wont change....and she´s not sure if I should come over.
So now I´m sitting here with a planeticket and dont know what to do....Do I visit her one last time and torture myself by being in her company (as she only loves me as a friend and I have deeper feelings for her) or do I skip the trip and accept a £230 loss on the ticket?I´ve really opened up my heart for her and now she rips it out by saying she dont like me for more than a friend.
I feel so down right now.....what do I do to get over this feeling??
Any ideas are welcome :)
I got so fond of this girl that I was ready to move to London just to be closer to her.
We´ve been talking/chatting for 5 months.
Now after I´ve visited her 2 times (over 2 weekends) where we kissed and held hands....nothing more....she even said she loved me...and it felt right....I was supposed to visit her for easter but now she says that she only likes me as a friend and that it wont change....and she´s not sure if I should come over.
So now I´m sitting here with a planeticket and dont know what to do....Do I visit her one last time and torture myself by being in her company (as she only loves me as a friend and I have deeper feelings for her) or do I skip the trip and accept a £230 loss on the ticket?I´ve really opened up my heart for her and now she rips it out by saying she dont like me for more than a friend.
I feel so down right now.....what do I do to get over this feeling??
Any ideas are welcome :)
id bill her for the ticket...sounds like she has played u.....
honestly some woman
it can happen to any of us, we let our guard down for a moment and it can happen. Just realize its not u it was her doing and show her this has not fazed u, keep going enjoy ur life ur worth it
Reply, politely but firmly to this girl saying that you've already bought this non-refundable ticket and that you're coming over to London anyway.
Also say that you can fully understand her feelings and that you are happy to accept how she feels.
Then come to London and treat it as a nice mini-holiday for yourself.
Do you have your accomodation booked?
If you know no-one in London apart from this girl - you may want to politely ask if she can introduce you to her social scene / spend some time with you as a platonic friend so that you're not on your own in this big city - which can be a very lonely place if you don't know anyone.
If she refuses, you can always go to the Hippodrome at Leicester Square - or some other similar disco - to meet a few other fellow tourists.
Oh, and it's better that she's dumped you now than you getting married and finding out 5 years later that she doesn't really love you, or that you're not really compatible.
Also say that you can fully understand her feelings and that you are happy to accept how she feels.
Then come to London and treat it as a nice mini-holiday for yourself.
Do you have your accomodation booked?
If you know no-one in London apart from this girl - you may want to politely ask if she can introduce you to her social scene / spend some time with you as a platonic friend so that you're not on your own in this big city - which can be a very lonely place if you don't know anyone.
If she refuses, you can always go to the Hippodrome at Leicester Square - or some other similar disco - to meet a few other fellow tourists.
Oh, and it's better that she's dumped you now than you getting married and finding out 5 years later that she doesn't really love you, or that you're not really compatible.
Sorry to hear what's happened. If you have other friends here, See if you can stay with them, So you don't waste the ticket and money. Enjoy the opportunity of going to London. There is so much that you could do hear. Personally i would not bother with the woman now, Or even be tempted to go and see her, You will only get hurt more.
Or the other thing that you could do with the ticket, Is put it on the internet and see if you can get it transferred to another person. At least you would get some of your money back. All the best mate.
Or the other thing that you could do with the ticket, Is put it on the internet and see if you can get it transferred to another person. At least you would get some of your money back. All the best mate.
Carsten: I met this really nice girl from London...Me..I live in Denmark.
I got so fond of this girl that I was ready to move to London just to be closer to her.
We´ve been talking/chatting for 5 months.
Now after I´ve visited her 2 times (over 2 weekends) where we kissed and held hands....nothing more....she even said she loved me...and it felt right....I was supposed to visit her for easter but now she says that she only likes me as a friend and that it wont change....and she´s not sure if I should come over.
So now I´m sitting here with a planeticket and dont know what to do....Do I visit her one last time and torture myself by being in her company (as she only loves me as a friend and I have deeper feelings for her) or do I skip the trip and accept a £230 loss on the ticket?I´ve really opened up my heart for her and now she rips it out by saying she dont like me for more than a friend.
I feel so down right now.....what do I do to get over this feeling??
Any ideas are welcome :)
I got so fond of this girl that I was ready to move to London just to be closer to her.
We´ve been talking/chatting for 5 months.
Now after I´ve visited her 2 times (over 2 weekends) where we kissed and held hands....nothing more....she even said she loved me...and it felt right....I was supposed to visit her for easter but now she says that she only likes me as a friend and that it wont change....and she´s not sure if I should come over.
So now I´m sitting here with a planeticket and dont know what to do....Do I visit her one last time and torture myself by being in her company (as she only loves me as a friend and I have deeper feelings for her) or do I skip the trip and accept a £230 loss on the ticket?I´ve really opened up my heart for her and now she rips it out by saying she dont like me for more than a friend.
I feel so down right now.....what do I do to get over this feeling??
Any ideas are welcome :)
Ahh Bab, I know it is hard going! But sometimes we just have to realise, the 'relationship' just ain't going anywhere! It is a right kick in the flaps/balls!! I know!! (Sorry for the out spokeness!!) Way I see things. We have two choices. We can lie down and accept this crap and feel doomed.... Or we can accept it.. Brush ourselves down, and move on??????? OK.. So it didn't go where we wanted it to.. So what?.. Not the end of the world - Trust me, it isn't!! Grieve what you have to.. But don't dispair!! There is someone out there, made for each and every one of us!!!!
jojo
Thank you all for your replies
The thing is we talked on the phone only 2 days ago and all was fine and then all of a sudden she´s like this...I was really looking forward to seing her again.
Its just to damn hard right now.....I feel like I lost everything.
I´m a very emotionel guy and this is a bit too much if you know what I mean. I know there will be other women around but right now it looks a bit "dark".
And I dont know anyone else in London and I have, thank god, not booked any accomodation, cause I was supposed to stay with her.
She´s telling me she dont want any attachments in her life and she´s perfectly happy by her self.
But earlier when I said I loved her and wanted to be with her, she said "only time can tell"...why not say it straight up then?
Why lead me on like this?
I know that if I do go I will hurt even more, but on the other hand I would like to see her one last time....I do think I will cancel the entire trip and accept the loss,but still.
I´m so confused :(
The thing is we talked on the phone only 2 days ago and all was fine and then all of a sudden she´s like this...I was really looking forward to seing her again.
Its just to damn hard right now.....I feel like I lost everything.
I´m a very emotionel guy and this is a bit too much if you know what I mean. I know there will be other women around but right now it looks a bit "dark".
And I dont know anyone else in London and I have, thank god, not booked any accomodation, cause I was supposed to stay with her.
She´s telling me she dont want any attachments in her life and she´s perfectly happy by her self.
But earlier when I said I loved her and wanted to be with her, she said "only time can tell"...why not say it straight up then?
Why lead me on like this?
I know that if I do go I will hurt even more, but on the other hand I would like to see her one last time....I do think I will cancel the entire trip and accept the loss,but still.
I´m so confused :(
look at ur profile pics..look at what and where u have been and say after Angel......
im worth more than some girl who wants to play me.
Much respect to you.
im worth more than some girl who wants to play me.
Much respect to you.
Walk away and live to fight another day.
OP: I'm sorry you are hurting. If it's any help, most other people have been hurt in love too and we know what you are going through. I agree with Carsten, however. I don't think this girl played you. I think you spent a lot of time talking online or on the telephone and when you met, she didn't feel the way she thought she would, but she thought maybe she would feel that way if she gave it a chance. Seems to me she has had to accept she doesn't feel the way she wanted to and you feel. I don't think she did it deliberately.
If it were me, I wouldn't go to London to hang out with her. When a woman feels that way about a guy, it usually isn't going change, as she said. You could go to London on your own and see the sights as has been suggested, but get your own accomodation. London is a great place and there is a lot to see and do. Or, you can just let it go and deal with the loss of money for the ticket.
It's hard. The pain does pass. I think it's best to move on as soon as possible and try not to let it get you down.
If it were me, I wouldn't go to London to hang out with her. When a woman feels that way about a guy, it usually isn't going change, as she said. You could go to London on your own and see the sights as has been suggested, but get your own accomodation. London is a great place and there is a lot to see and do. Or, you can just let it go and deal with the loss of money for the ticket.
It's hard. The pain does pass. I think it's best to move on as soon as possible and try not to let it get you down.
[would you kiss a guy you didnt like?]
I would kiss a guy I thought I liked. In the beginning stages of a relationship, I think one or other, the man or the woman, can be not completely sure how they feel. They could really like someone and be attracted to them, but not feel really strong sparks or chemistry, sparks which will develop the more time you spend with someone. I really think it's possible she wanted to love you, loved you as a person and personality online and on the phone, but the sparks were just not there in person even though she wanted them to be. There have been times when I really, really liked a guy, and wanted to be 'in love' with him, romantically, but it just didn't happen, I just couldn't feel that way about him. It doesn't mean I was playing him, and I would tell him how I felt as soon as I knew how it was, which is what I think she did. To me, this is a case of two people meeting, one feeling more strongly than the other, and it just not being a match. It does not mean anything is wrong with you or you did the wrong thing or that she is a player.
I would kiss a guy I thought I liked. In the beginning stages of a relationship, I think one or other, the man or the woman, can be not completely sure how they feel. They could really like someone and be attracted to them, but not feel really strong sparks or chemistry, sparks which will develop the more time you spend with someone. I really think it's possible she wanted to love you, loved you as a person and personality online and on the phone, but the sparks were just not there in person even though she wanted them to be. There have been times when I really, really liked a guy, and wanted to be 'in love' with him, romantically, but it just didn't happen, I just couldn't feel that way about him. It doesn't mean I was playing him, and I would tell him how I felt as soon as I knew how it was, which is what I think she did. To me, this is a case of two people meeting, one feeling more strongly than the other, and it just not being a match. It does not mean anything is wrong with you or you did the wrong thing or that she is a player.
Seriously sorry but £230 to fly from Denmark - UK 
Not sure i can advertise on here but last time i flew to Copenhagen it cost £34 return . It's easy to check which Airline Jets there for that price.
Not sure i can advertise on here but last time i flew to Copenhagen it cost £34 return . It's easy to check which Airline Jets there for that price.
yeah sorry about that.....It was $230 not £230...it was ONLY £160...still...its a fair amount of money and I know you can fly cheaper than that with Easy-Jet / Ryan Air, but I did that once and will never ever do it again....rather spend some more money and get to choose what time of day I´d like to fly....not only have 2 or 3 options...which all suck big time.
Thats why I flew with either SAS or BA...It´s a bit more expensive but worth it.
And the ticket price wasnt the problem here....only a minor thing.
And another update......I talked to her today and everything is off....I´m not going to see her again...EVER...her choosing..not mine.
I know I will get over it some day....and I know there is a nice girl out there, somewhere, with my name on :)...now I just have to wait for her to show :)
Thats why I flew with either SAS or BA...It´s a bit more expensive but worth it.
And the ticket price wasnt the problem here....only a minor thing.
And another update......I talked to her today and everything is off....I´m not going to see her again...EVER...her choosing..not mine.
I know I will get over it some day....and I know there is a nice girl out there, somewhere, with my name on :)...now I just have to wait for her to show :)
Carsten: yeah sorry about that.....It was $230 not £230...it was ONLY £160...still...its a fair amount of money and I know you can fly cheaper than that with Easy-Jet / Ryan Air, but I did that once and will never ever do it again....rather spend some more money and get to choose what time of day I´d like to fly....not only have 2 or 3 options...which all suck big time.
Thats why I flew with either SAS or BA...It´s a bit more expensive but worth it.
And the ticket price wasnt the problem here....only a minor thing.
And another update......I talked to her today and everything is off....I´m not going to see her again...EVER...her choosing..not mine.
I know I will get over it some day....and I know there is a nice girl out there, somewhere, with my name on :)...now I just have to wait for her to show :)
Thats why I flew with either SAS or BA...It´s a bit more expensive but worth it.
And the ticket price wasnt the problem here....only a minor thing.
And another update......I talked to her today and everything is off....I´m not going to see her again...EVER...her choosing..not mine.
I know I will get over it some day....and I know there is a nice girl out there, somewhere, with my name on :)...now I just have to wait for her to show :)
Best of luck bab. and keep your chin up!
Hello
You sound really down, but I don't think the answer is to wait for someone else. Go out and find Miss Right! Go to the gym, the library, the cinema, singles nights, evening classes, whatever... get out there and smile at some gals. Ask them for coffee, carry their gym shoes, hold the door open. Listen to them, see if you have anything in common. Bet you'll be mobbed and within days you'll be smiling again...
Best wishes and good luck
You sound really down, but I don't think the answer is to wait for someone else. Go out and find Miss Right! Go to the gym, the library, the cinema, singles nights, evening classes, whatever... get out there and smile at some gals. Ask them for coffee, carry their gym shoes, hold the door open. Listen to them, see if you have anything in common. Bet you'll be mobbed and within days you'll be smiling again...
Best wishes and good luck
yeah....I know....and I am going to the gym....have been until now....4 times a week :)
And well...I dont go out much....I´d rather meet people online cause I have a really hard time picking up girls when I´m out, cause I´m very shy when it comes down to it.
But online I´m not and I can say what I really feel about a person, without being nervous or whatever....So I just think I´ll stay here looking :)
Fortunately I meet a lot of new people thru my work so here´s an option 2.
And well...I dont go out much....I´d rather meet people online cause I have a really hard time picking up girls when I´m out, cause I´m very shy when it comes down to it.
But online I´m not and I can say what I really feel about a person, without being nervous or whatever....So I just think I´ll stay here looking :)
Fortunately I meet a lot of new people thru my work so here´s an option 2.
Hi i am really very sorry to hear of your experiance of falling for this girl who i think was using you .i think she only wanted to chat with you as a some one to fall back on when she was on her own ..i think she has found another man and went into a relationship with him .but i think she is keeping you hanging on as a friend incase this relationship she has went into doesn,t work out then she will turn to you ..................my advice to you would to stop all contact with her.move on with your life and find a girl that loves you for who you are you are clearly to good for this girl ..i know is going to be very hard asd you did have feelings for her . but when u heel and look back u will thank yourself for cutting her out of your life .i don,t believe she doe,s or evan did love you .i am really sorry to have to have been saying this to you.forget about going to see her one last time it won,t change anything .and you will only get hurt more .protect yourself and move on in your life ..there is a woman out there that will love you as much as you love her .don,t miss out on this chance of real love ..finding your soulmate .goodluck and takecare
thank you for your kind words
I did cut her completely out of my life and now I´m looking forward and embracing life to the fullest.
I do still think about her, but thats only normal when I had these feelings......I just need to find that special someone with my name on :)
So watch out...here I come *SS*
and again....thank you all for your comments...I really appreciate it
I did cut her completely out of my life and now I´m looking forward and embracing life to the fullest.
I do still think about her, but thats only normal when I had these feelings......I just need to find that special someone with my name on :)
So watch out...here I come *SS*
and again....thank you all for your comments...I really appreciate it
Carsten: thank you for your kind words
I did cut her completely out of my life and now I´m looking forward and embracing life to the fullest.
I do still think about her, but thats only normal when I had these feelings......I just need to find that special someone with my name on :)
So watch out...here I come *SS*
and again....thank you all for your comments...I really appreciate it
I did cut her completely out of my life and now I´m looking forward and embracing life to the fullest.
I do still think about her, but thats only normal when I had these feelings......I just need to find that special someone with my name on :)
So watch out...here I come *SS*
and again....thank you all for your comments...I really appreciate it
I AM JUST GLAD I COULD GIVE YOU ADVICE .I KNOW MYSELF WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE HURT REAL BAD AND TAKEN FOR GRANTED .BUT I AM GLAD TO KNOW YOU ARE MOVING ON WITH YOUR LIFE AND FINDING THE RIGHT WOMAN DFOR YOU .I WISH YOU ALL THE LUCK IN THE WORLD .YOU SOUND LUIKE A VERY GOOD MAN 
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I got so fond of this girl that I was ready to move to London just to be closer to her.
We´ve been talking/chatting for 5 months.
Now after I´ve visited her 2 times (over 2 weekends) where we kissed and held hands....nothing more....she even said she loved me...and it felt right....I was supposed to visit her for easter but now she says that she only likes me as a friend and that it wont change....and she´s not sure if I should come over.
So now I´m sitting here with a planeticket and dont know what to do....Do I visit her one last time and torture myself by being in her company (as she only loves me as a friend and I have deeper feelings for her) or do I skip the trip and accept a £230 loss on the ticket?
I´ve really opened up my heart for her and now she rips it out by saying she dont like me for more than a friend.
I feel so down right now.....what do I do to get over this feeling??
Any ideas are welcome :)