What you don't want to hear on a first date. ( Archived) (82)

I used to wet the bed ... but the last couple of weeks I've gotten it under control.

We've met before, I was the one in the bushes with the camera.

I know we just met and this might seem a little sudden ... but could I borrow five hundred dollars?

Do you want to play doctor? I carry my own stethascope.

Go ahead and Super Size, I found some change in the sofa today.

Something tells me that you're very special ... but with medication I can usually ignore it.

I don't see my ex-girlfriend that much ... thanks to the Judge.

Wait till my wife hears about this!

I had a good time tonight. I'd love to see you again in six to eight months with good behavior.

Have you heard the good word?

What size body-bag are you?

My last girlfirend/boyfriend had issues with live burial...

Just sign here, and initial here... just a little life insurance policy.

I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.

I've seen Napolian Dynamite 67 times.

My mother say's I have to be home at 9 o'clock.

I'd like you to meet my friends, they have a day-pass tomorrow.

My dog told me you'd be like this.

So, you're my daughters best friend huh?

I'm only 62, but I'm applying for disability because I have flat feet. It's hard to be a prison guard with flat feet. You have to walk all day.

This is a true statement...from a date that I went on last year.
....needless to say......

dont like the whole ex girlfriend drama.

that is something i avoid & dont want to be a part of.

Too funny

I lie about my name....it's _______danny.not Daniel....