From the mouths of babes ( Archived) (16)

Today I received a very long and very heartfelt email from my 24-year old son. We have a very close relationship and share our thoughts and feelings in an open and frank way, and have done so for years. He wrote some things that resonated what many of us older singles wonder as well. Here is a bit of what he shared (and I apologize for the length, but I think it's worth it):


..."So this is where it gets complicated and the reason I wonder if you have some advice or words of wisdom as you so often do. And also where at the risk of sounding like a jerk or egotistical- I have to be frank becuase my head is a little mixed up now. Well....basically, I dont have a lot of trouble finding a date and have dated a lot--and am proud that I have been with such intelligent beautiful women--that most guys would be a fool to let go. But mostly it is me who lets them go. And I do feel like a fool...that is, until I meet another incredible person-- until i feel like a fool again. That is how I see it- never as a fling or 'just someone to date', but very special, meaningful moments with someone on our meandering paths through life. The thing is, that after a few years, it does start to feel a little meaningless. Yeah I have these great moments around the world with great people, but everything is always fleeting- nothing to hold on to for very long. The futility is suffocating. I am not a womanizer so much as a spontaneous romantic. I really cherish those memories, and am always very honest, respectable and never a cheat or anything like that. But there is an emotional wake that affects these other people and definitely takes a toll on me. I guess I just wonder what it all means--if anything. Is it just a part of being young in my twenties or have I let THE ONE I love slip through my hands? Big questions I know...and I realize you've had some big shifts in your love life, but also some retrospect and self-reliance. I generally internalize my emotions and they build up, but you're the one person I can let it out to....so I apologize for the flood of information, but you've always helped in the past."

How do I help him when I flounder as well?

Now I'm not a psychologist but here goes:

The twenties I see as a time of self discovery, The time when we get to know through trial and error who we really are and want we want. Some figure this out early some later. With time, experience, maturity and self-awareness we hopefuly make better decisions for ourselves in terms of a partner. When we meet new people a little more of the puzzle comes together to rule out whether this person has the values we are looking for or not. Your son is still pretty young and dealing with some of the same dilemas many of us went through at that age. He is simply trying to find out who he is. He is young and there is still plenty of time to find Miss Right. All he needs to do is be upfront and honest with these ladies so everyone know where they stand. I've learned our children don't always expect us to be perfect or have the perfect answers all the time. Making their own decisions in life is part of allowing them to grow up. Most of the times all they need to know is that they have a soft place to fall back on as they go through this growing up process. Hope I helped a little.

Hi just have to say u have done urself proud with ur son he seems very intelligent and respectful u should tell him he has not yet found the one as he would know. I think u should tell him to enjoy being single as he has plenty time to settle down. When he meets the one he will know

Firstly JLB I would like to say I sooo admire your relationship with your son. He seems like a well rounded , intelligent and understading person.............Kudos.

I tried to imagine if it was me, who received this from my son / daughter. I know I would feel honoured if they were able to speak to me in such a way.

It is a very hard thing for me to give advice on as I have let two very special Ladies go, for different reasons.

I do feel though, when we know someone is right for us we should grasp it with both hands. I do think a lot of relationships end because of timing in our lives and when we find someone where the timing is right for both of us, we know it and should grasp it.

If it was I, I would tell him that he will know when it is right for him to settle and not to do it until it feels right. I would also advise that he doesnt get too emotionally involved, once he knows that it's not what he wants as the emotional wake he feels, can take its toll.

Excuse me for the language I am about to use here, but sometimes you really can't replace words because that one says it best:

What a fu**ing fantastic relationship you must have with your son, and what a brilliant young man he seems to be!

Thank you all...I know that I am blessed with such a relationship with my son(s)...and I do appreciate the input. I shall read it all again tomorrow. I like to absorb things a bit.

......Nicely said...and couldn't have worded any better..and very correct as well.....

J.D

You have grown one young great fellow....more then what you have allready achieved, done or you are allready doing is so much more then what other mothers have done....

if your really want my stupid little and inexperienced comment... well just continue like you are.... for us, little ones, it is extremely important to have a parent, mostly the mother, to have as a best friend, confident and shoulder to rely on.

just keep up the amazing work.

Thank you, Whitesoul sweetie! This is indeed my proudest accomplishment....2 amazing young sons.