random thought and one liners (90)
pebblesbambanPennsylvania, USA3 Threads 4,038 PostsRDM59: What do you do if you see a spaceman ..... park in it man.
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If a hearing impaired person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
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Definition of:
Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink and be Mary.
Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink and be Mary.
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Arealguy69: Definition of:
Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink and be Mary.
Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink and be Mary.
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there is no such a thing as a stupid question....
just stupid people who ask questions
just stupid people who ask questions
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Snail goes into a bar and asks for a drink. Barman says "we don't serve snails in here" and kicks him out. Four weeks later snail returns and says, "what did you do that for?".
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Question: What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
Answer: The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
Answer: The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
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One evening a man was at home watching TV and eating peanuts. He'd toss them in the air, and then catch them in his mouth In the middle of catching one, his wife asked him a question - and as he turned to answer her, a peanut fell in his ear. He tried and tried to dig it out but succeeded in only pushing it in
deeper. He called his wife for assistance, and after hours of trying they became worried and decided to go to the hospital.
As they were ready to go out the door, their daughter came home with her date. After being informed of the problem, their daughter's date said he could get the peanut out..The young man told the father to sit down, then proceeded to shove two fingers up the father's nose and told him to blow hard. When the father blew, the peanut flew out of his ear. The mother and daughter jumped and yelled for joy. The young man insisted that it was nothing. Once he was gone, the mother turned to the father and said, 'That's so wonderful! Isn't he smart? What do you think he's going to be when he grows older?'The father replied,'From the smell of his fingers, our son-in-law.'
deeper. He called his wife for assistance, and after hours of trying they became worried and decided to go to the hospital.
As they were ready to go out the door, their daughter came home with her date. After being informed of the problem, their daughter's date said he could get the peanut out..The young man told the father to sit down, then proceeded to shove two fingers up the father's nose and told him to blow hard. When the father blew, the peanut flew out of his ear. The mother and daughter jumped and yelled for joy. The young man insisted that it was nothing. Once he was gone, the mother turned to the father and said, 'That's so wonderful! Isn't he smart? What do you think he's going to be when he grows older?'The father replied,'From the smell of his fingers, our son-in-law.'
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A study conducted by UCLA's Department of Psychiatry has
revealed that the kind of face a woman finds attractive on
a man can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle.
For example: If she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with
rugged and masculine features.
However, if she is menstruating, or menopausal, she tends to be more attracted to a man with duct tape over his mouth and a spear lodged in his chest while he is on fire.
No further studies are expected.
revealed that the kind of face a woman finds attractive on
a man can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle.
For example: If she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with
rugged and masculine features.
However, if she is menstruating, or menopausal, she tends to be more attracted to a man with duct tape over his mouth and a spear lodged in his chest while he is on fire.
No further studies are expected.
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If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
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Crawford, Texas -- A tragic flood this morning destroyed the
Personal library of Former President George W. Bush.
The flood began in the presidential bathroom where both of the
Books were kept. Both books have been lost.
A presidential spokesman said the president was devastated, as
He had almost finished coloring the second one.
The White House tried to call FEMA, but there was no answer.
Personal library of Former President George W. Bush.
The flood began in the presidential bathroom where both of the
Books were kept. Both books have been lost.
A presidential spokesman said the president was devastated, as
He had almost finished coloring the second one.
The White House tried to call FEMA, but there was no answer.
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Why A Gun Is Better Than A Girlfriend
1. You can trade in your old 44 for a new 22.
2. You can have one gun at home and another when you're on the road.
3. If you admire a friend's gun and tell him so, he'll probably let you try it out.
4. One gun doesn't mind if you keep another gun for a backup.
5. Your gun stays with you even when you run out of ammo.
6. Guns don't take up much closet space.
7. Guns function normally every day of the month.
8. Your gun will never ask, "Do these new grips make me look fat?"
9. A gun doesn't mind when you go to sleep after using it.
10. AND, you CAN buy a silencer for a gun!
1. You can trade in your old 44 for a new 22.
2. You can have one gun at home and another when you're on the road.
3. If you admire a friend's gun and tell him so, he'll probably let you try it out.
4. One gun doesn't mind if you keep another gun for a backup.
5. Your gun stays with you even when you run out of ammo.
6. Guns don't take up much closet space.
7. Guns function normally every day of the month.
8. Your gun will never ask, "Do these new grips make me look fat?"
9. A gun doesn't mind when you go to sleep after using it.
10. AND, you CAN buy a silencer for a gun!
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You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted then used against you.
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seekndestroy: Why A Gun Is Better Than A Girlfriend
1. You can trade in your old 44 for a new 22.
2. You can have one gun at home and another when you're on the road.
3. If you admire a friend's gun and tell him so, he'll probably let you try it out.
4. One gun doesn't mind if you keep another gun for a backup.
5. Your gun stays with you even when you run out of ammo.
6. Guns don't take up much closet space.
7. Guns function normally every day of the month.
8. Your gun will never ask, "Do these new grips make me look fat?"
9. A gun doesn't mind when you go to sleep after using it.
10. AND, you CAN buy a silencer for a gun!
1. You can trade in your old 44 for a new 22.
2. You can have one gun at home and another when you're on the road.
3. If you admire a friend's gun and tell him so, he'll probably let you try it out.
4. One gun doesn't mind if you keep another gun for a backup.
5. Your gun stays with you even when you run out of ammo.
6. Guns don't take up much closet space.
7. Guns function normally every day of the month.
8. Your gun will never ask, "Do these new grips make me look fat?"
9. A gun doesn't mind when you go to sleep after using it.
10. AND, you CAN buy a silencer for a gun!
Is this the first truly American joke? Not translatable into English???
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Why isn't the plural of house... hice
When the plural of mouse (the rodent) is mice
When the plural of mouse (the rodent) is mice
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*******newsFACT******
Dont read it if your stomach upsets easy
Every pint of milk contains half a thumbnail of puss
Happy googlin
Dont read it if your stomach upsets easy
Every pint of milk contains half a thumbnail of puss
Happy googlin
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I know its long but worth it... mens side next
9 WORDS WOMEN USE
(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.
(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!
(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)
(6) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says "Thanks a lot" - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say "you're welcome" ... that will bring on a "whatever").
(8) Whatever: Is a women's way of saying you're an idiot!
(9) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking "What's wrong?" For the woman's response refer to #3 or #8.
9 WORDS WOMEN USE
(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.
(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!
(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)
(6) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says "Thanks a lot" - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say "you're welcome" ... that will bring on a "whatever").
(8) Whatever: Is a women's way of saying you're an idiot!
(9) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking "What's wrong?" For the woman's response refer to #3 or #8.
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Wife says to her husband "i had a wet dream about you last night". "Really?" he replied.
"Yes, you fell off a cliff & i pissed myself laughing"
"Yes, you fell off a cliff & i pissed myself laughing"
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2 cows in a field one cow says "mmmoooooooo".
The other cow says "I knew you'd say that".
The other cow says "I knew you'd say that".
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There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count and those who can't.
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