random thought and one liners (90)
pikengrenlake worth, Florida USA72 Threads 2 Polls 2,003 PostsI saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it...so I said "Implants?"
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Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you can't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
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Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
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I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog. 
WHAT DID THE GHOST SAY TO THE BEE? BOO-BEE.
Two peanuts walk into a bar... one was a salted.
WHAT DID THE GHOST SAY TO THE BEE? BOO-BEE.
Two peanuts walk into a bar... one was a salted.
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If you take Excedrin PM before noon will it not work?
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"I used spot remover on my dog... He's gone.."--Steven Wright
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While doing her laundry the husband tells the wife to throw in some diet pills into the washer as a hint to her weight. Instead she poured Miracle Grow in his underwear.........
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More Carlin witicisms ?
Why do we park on the driveway and drive on the parkway ?
Why do we park on the driveway and drive on the parkway ?
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Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
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YewEye: "I used spot remover on my dog... He's gone.."--Steven Wright
lol, steven wright.
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
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A day without sunshine is like, night. 
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A key ring is a handy little gadget that allows you to lose all your keys at once. 
It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised its burial cost
and blamed it on the cost of living.
It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised its burial cost
and blamed it on the cost of living.
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When i die, i want to go like my grandad, peacefully and in his sleep.......
Not screaming like the passengers in his car......
Not screaming like the passengers in his car......
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He who laughs last thinks slowest.
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How many dead people are in a cemetary?
All of them.
All of them.
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sasseez: that made me laugh
heya Sass...
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Arealguy69: heya Sass...
Hey Areal 
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Which came first, the chicken or the egg?
First, I ate the chicken then I ate the egg.
First, I ate the chicken then I ate the egg.
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Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
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Artificial Intelligence usually beats real stupidity.
Diplomacy is the art of saying good doggie while looking for a bigger stick.
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.
Some drink at the fountain of knowledge. Others just gargle.
Time is the best teacher; unfortunately it kills all of its students.
If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason.
Any closet is a walk-in closet if you try hard enough.
I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five.
Always talk to your wife while you're making love... if there's a phone handy.
By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. ~Socrates
Diplomacy is the art of saying good doggie while looking for a bigger stick.
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.
Some drink at the fountain of knowledge. Others just gargle.
Time is the best teacher; unfortunately it kills all of its students.
If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason.
Any closet is a walk-in closet if you try hard enough.
I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five.
Always talk to your wife while you're making love... if there's a phone handy.
By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. ~Socrates
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Created: May 2009
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