Mothers apart from their children. (26)
Every case is different.
MOST mothers are more capable of looking after young children than men.
Exceptionally a man can do a better job and exceptionally a woman is unable to cope.
There is absolutely no point in either judging the woman or man who cannot cope with bringing up young children - all society can do is make a decision, from the available facts, what is in the best interests of the child(ren).
All we can do is hope that the right decision is made and the children grow up secure and happy and hopefully able to love BOTH their parents even if one is incapable of looking after them properly as they grow up.
MOST mothers are more capable of looking after young children than men.
Exceptionally a man can do a better job and exceptionally a woman is unable to cope.
There is absolutely no point in either judging the woman or man who cannot cope with bringing up young children - all society can do is make a decision, from the available facts, what is in the best interests of the child(ren).
All we can do is hope that the right decision is made and the children grow up secure and happy and hopefully able to love BOTH their parents even if one is incapable of looking after them properly as they grow up.
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Sommerauer71: I am posting this in the lounge as I feel it will receive a wider audience.
I have a woman, that I have known for many years, who in essence lost a residency battle for her children. She has them every other weekend, she is filled with love for her children, they are aged 12 and 10. The reason is that she fell apart after her divorce and her husband applied for residency (custody) of the children.
My own mother was apart from her children, my father was awarded custody of my brother and I when I was ten and he, six. Because he was aware that we were not being taken care of. Yet, in no way do I feel that I have missed out and in no way would I allow any person to sully my mother. A very ill woman.
Bringing me to the point of my thread, why does soceity look down on those mothers who are apart from their children?
I do hope this can be handled with some dignity.
I have a woman, that I have known for many years, who in essence lost a residency battle for her children. She has them every other weekend, she is filled with love for her children, they are aged 12 and 10. The reason is that she fell apart after her divorce and her husband applied for residency (custody) of the children.
My own mother was apart from her children, my father was awarded custody of my brother and I when I was ten and he, six. Because he was aware that we were not being taken care of. Yet, in no way do I feel that I have missed out and in no way would I allow any person to sully my mother. A very ill woman.
Bringing me to the point of my thread, why does soceity look down on those mothers who are apart from their children?
I do hope this can be handled with some dignity.
because society in general and government in particular are not equipped to deal with every situation on an individual basis, thus the only way that they can efficiently provide the best service for EVERYONE is to set up regulations to cover every situation, however, since every situation is unique, it is simply impossible to deal with each and every one of them accurately....
as a result the commonly standard procedure is for the women to have custody... as there have been an unfortunate large number of fathers who did not care for their kids (deadbeat dads). subsequently for a woman NOT to be granted custody, there has to be a significantly detrimental issue or issues to justify said action.... as a result, the assumption is that if a mother does not have custody, then she is somehow an unfit mom....
on the flip side, there are many fathers who are dealing with the backlash of this unfair system, one that automatically assumes the mother is better suited to be a parent and that the father is not....
the day that society (and thus its government) start dealing with each situation and its uniqueness, will be the day where women (like the one you know) and men will finally see fairness on how they are allowed to raise their children
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notrushin: I beleive Your missing the crucial element and that being, where are these children going to be looked after and well taken care of Physically, mentally, emotionally, and if one parent becomes unstable in some way leading to an enviroment that could possibly be harmful to the children then of course the guardianship should be awarded to the parent who can provide a safe residence and secure lifestyle. It is not that society shuns mothers who are not with their children but only a part of society that does. If the courts deemed these children should be placed with their father, there had to be a reason and there is a legal process this woman will have to go through. Before she even attempts to do that she should get the help she neeeds for her own issues.(I dont think we're getting the whole story)
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seekndestroy: because society in general and government in particular are not equipped to deal with every situation on an individual basis, thus the only way that they can efficiently provide the best service for EVERYONE is to set up regulations to cover every situation, however, since every situation is unique, it is simply impossible to deal with each and every one of them accurately....
as a result the commonly standard procedure is for the women to have custody... as there have been an unfortunate large number of fathers who did not care for their kids (deadbeat dads). subsequently for a woman NOT to be granted custody, there has to be a significantly detrimental issue or issues to justify said action.... as a result, the assumption is that if a mother does not have custody, then she is somehow an unfit mom....
on the flip side, there are many fathers who are dealing with the backlash of this unfair system, one that automatically assumes the mother is better suited to be a parent and that the father is not....
the day that society (and thus its government) start dealing with each situation and its uniqueness, will be the day where women (like the one you know) and men will finally see fairness on how they are allowed to raise their children
as a result the commonly standard procedure is for the women to have custody... as there have been an unfortunate large number of fathers who did not care for their kids (deadbeat dads). subsequently for a woman NOT to be granted custody, there has to be a significantly detrimental issue or issues to justify said action.... as a result, the assumption is that if a mother does not have custody, then she is somehow an unfit mom....
on the flip side, there are many fathers who are dealing with the backlash of this unfair system, one that automatically assumes the mother is better suited to be a parent and that the father is not....
the day that society (and thus its government) start dealing with each situation and its uniqueness, will be the day where women (like the one you know) and men will finally see fairness on how they are allowed to raise their children
You just summed up my thread in a few paragraphs, SND...
I'll do a more detailed response later.
Good morning from Europe...
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Sommerauer71: You just summed up my thread in a few paragraphs, SND...
I'll do a more detailed response later. Good morning from Europe...
I'll do a more detailed response later. Good morning from Europe...
wow... did you just agree with something i said!???????
im shocked!!!!
i gotta mark the date .....
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I have a woman, that I have known for many years, who in essence lost a residency battle for her children. She has them every other weekend, she is filled with love for her children, they are aged 12 and 10. The reason is that she fell apart after her divorce and her husband applied for residency (custody) of the children.
My own mother was apart from her children, my father was awarded custody of my brother and I when I was ten and he, six. Because he was aware that we were not being taken care of. Yet, in no way do I feel that I have missed out and in no way would I allow any person to sully my mother. A very ill woman.
Bringing me to the point of my thread, why does soceity look down on those mothers who are apart from their children?
I do hope this can be handled with some dignity.
Well my father had no option but to raise us 5.
My mother high tailed it when I was 4.
She was not ill per se just really damn thirsty!! I don't have much affection for her to this day. None of us do.
I think if she had ever fought for any kind of visitation and or custody, my Dad would have freaked and would have shone through as the ONLY capable parent.
I don't think being away from us was that hard for her as she never tried to rectify her behaviour.
I don't think any mother or father should be away from their child, if at all possible. My mother was away from us by choice and selfishness. She didn't even fight. Her maternal instinct just vanished.
I do think that the court of law, assesses the situation and places a child with the fitter parent. I don't think it means either parent loves their child/children any less but sometimes, one is more obviously capable than the other.
I think society disapproves of women that are away from their kids as maternal instinct should be stronger, when something grows inside of you, you give birth to it.....
It's not right but I do think that's the reason. Women are viewed as the better home-makers generally too. It's archaic but it is what it is.