auto pilot (11)
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Wonderful, I shall show my dad whenback in the UK he will wet himself, he used to work with aircratf lol 
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rizlared: Wonderful, I shall show my dad whenback in the UK he will wet himself, he used to work with aircratf lol
<<<<<<<<<<(sends diapers)
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Very good........... I especially laughed at the missing engine one! 
and the auto pilot rough landing - hilarious!
and the auto pilot rough landing - hilarious!
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OMGoodness.....I laughed all the way through that!
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LF..... im sure you found it somewhere and didnt come up with it yourself, still i have to give you props for i havent laughed that hard in years.... i had to wait 5 minutes to post....
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Thanks LF.........
lmao
lmao
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seekndestroy: LF..... im sure you found it somewhere and didnt come up with it yourself, still i have to give you props for i havent laughed that hard in years.... i had to wait 5 minutes to post....
I don't come up with any of this stuff myself. It's plagiarized
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Here's some more
(P) Pilot
(E) Engineer
(P) Pilot's clock inop.
(E) Wound pilots clock.
(P) Autopilot tends to drop a wing when fuel imbalance reaches 500lbs.
(E) Flight manual limits maximum fuel imbalance to 300lbs.
(P) - Ghostly creaking from airstairs
(E) - Airstairs lubricated and exorcised.
(P) - The autopilot doesn't.
(E) - IT DOES NOW.
(P) - Seat cushion in 13F smells rotten.
(E) - Fresh seat cushion on order.
(P) - Turn & slip indicator ball stuck in center during turns.
(E) - Congratulations. You just made your first coordinated turn!
(P) - Whining sound heard on engine shutdown.
(E) - Pilot removed from aircraft.
(P) - #2 ADF needle runs wild.
(E) - Caught and tamed #2 ADF needle.
(P) - Unfamiliar noise coming from #2 engine.
(E) - Engine run for four hours. Noise now familiar.
(P) # 2 propeller seeping prop fluid.
(E) # 2 propeller seepage normal.
(P) # 1, # 3, and # 4 propellers lack normal seepage.
(P) - Noise coming from #2 engine. Sounds like man with little hammer.
(E) - Took little hammer away from man in #2 engine.
(P) - Whining noise coming from #2 engine compartment.
(E) - Returned little hammer to man in #2 engine.
(P) - Flight attendant cold at altitude.
(E) - Ground checks OK.
(P) - 3 roaches in cabin.
(E) - 1 roach killed, 1 wounded, 1 got away.
(P) Pilot
(E) Engineer
(P) Pilot's clock inop.
(E) Wound pilots clock.
(P) Autopilot tends to drop a wing when fuel imbalance reaches 500lbs.
(E) Flight manual limits maximum fuel imbalance to 300lbs.
(P) - Ghostly creaking from airstairs
(E) - Airstairs lubricated and exorcised.
(P) - The autopilot doesn't.
(E) - IT DOES NOW.
(P) - Seat cushion in 13F smells rotten.
(E) - Fresh seat cushion on order.
(P) - Turn & slip indicator ball stuck in center during turns.
(E) - Congratulations. You just made your first coordinated turn!
(P) - Whining sound heard on engine shutdown.
(E) - Pilot removed from aircraft.
(P) - #2 ADF needle runs wild.
(E) - Caught and tamed #2 ADF needle.
(P) - Unfamiliar noise coming from #2 engine.
(E) - Engine run for four hours. Noise now familiar.
(P) # 2 propeller seeping prop fluid.
(E) # 2 propeller seepage normal.
(P) # 1, # 3, and # 4 propellers lack normal seepage.
(P) - Noise coming from #2 engine. Sounds like man with little hammer.
(E) - Took little hammer away from man in #2 engine.
(P) - Whining noise coming from #2 engine compartment.
(E) - Returned little hammer to man in #2 engine.
(P) - Flight attendant cold at altitude.
(E) - Ground checks OK.
(P) - 3 roaches in cabin.
(E) - 1 roach killed, 1 wounded, 1 got away.
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I thought they may have smoked the roaches.------ This thread is Archived ------
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Created: Aug 2009
Last Viewed: Apr 20
Last Commented: Aug 2009
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Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high school
diploma to fix one. After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called
a 'gripe sheet,' which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft.
The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and
then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.
Never let it be said that ground crews, albeit they may lack a formal
higher education, have ever lacked a sense of humor. Here are some actual
maintenance complaints submitted by UPS ' pilots (marked with a P) and the
solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.
By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
*
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Probably because auto-land is not installed on this aircraft.
*
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit..
*
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
*
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode has a 200 ft. per min. descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
*
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
*
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
*
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.
*
P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF IS inoperative in OFF mode.
*
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
*
P: Number 3 engine missing..
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
*
P: Aircraft acting funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.
*
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
*
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
*
And the best one for last
*
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget .