If you recover well from love? (29)
LillyofthevalleySt John's, Newfoundland Canada38 Threads 3,152 PostsAfter a break up...say the standard year that is believed for the grief process to go through. Do you feel nothing towards your Ex partner? If this happens does this mean you never really loved in the first place? If it happens repeatedly should you worry about your capacity to really bond?...lol
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After me and my ex broke up, I lost all feelings I had for him. Completely. But it seems the longer I am away from him, the more his feelings increase for me.
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Drug me out for this one, Miss Lilly.
My cornball belief is that if it was an intense, real love, you will always love them. And I do. I may hate what they do, how they behave, choices they've made, but still love them. I just made a healthy decision to choose not to be with them.
Sure wouldn't worry about your "capacity to bound". Everybody has different character, everyone's relationships are different.
xoxo to you.
My cornball belief is that if it was an intense, real love, you will always love them. And I do. I may hate what they do, how they behave, choices they've made, but still love them. I just made a healthy decision to choose not to be with them.
Sure wouldn't worry about your "capacity to bound". Everybody has different character, everyone's relationships are different.
xoxo to you.
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Windy baby....how the %^&* are ya?
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a year? a YEAR? oops
Really Lilly, I still feel things for my ex's...love? sure, but its on a WAY different level. Everyone deals with a break up differently, I do try to remember the good and not carry the ICK around, so that's probably why I can say theres feelings left to some capacity. Do I care what they do or want to be with them OH HELL NO! Feeling nothing after a break up is a state of mind we decide for ourselves to make it easier...and no, that's not a bad thing, just a human thing.
Really Lilly, I still feel things for my ex's...love? sure, but its on a WAY different level. Everyone deals with a break up differently, I do try to remember the good and not carry the ICK around, so that's probably why I can say theres feelings left to some capacity. Do I care what they do or want to be with them OH HELL NO! Feeling nothing after a break up is a state of mind we decide for ourselves to make it easier...and no, that's not a bad thing, just a human thing.
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"My cornball belief is that if it was an intense, real love, you will always love them."
This is what I am afraid of....
This is what I am afraid of....
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I'm #&^%*in' fine! How the @&*%^& are you?
Jeeeeez, this could get worse than emoticons.
Just showed up to procrastinate momentarily, and I've pondered this thread topic on way too many occassions.
Jeeeeez, this could get worse than emoticons.
Just showed up to procrastinate momentarily, and I've pondered this thread topic on way too many occassions.
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No, don't be afraid. I'll try to help explain here.
Certainly there's SOMEthing you miss.
ex: I still love his confidence, I miss our intense friendship, I love the comfort level we had.
Does NOT mean I LOVE him and need him back. Means he still holds the positive attributes that I loved in the first place. Yes?
But I can still be numb because (ex:)I hate his bad temper, his infidelity, and so on.
Oh dammit Lilly, just eat some chocolate donuts.
Certainly there's SOMEthing you miss.
ex: I still love his confidence, I miss our intense friendship, I love the comfort level we had.
Does NOT mean I LOVE him and need him back. Means he still holds the positive attributes that I loved in the first place. Yes?
But I can still be numb because (ex:)I hate his bad temper, his infidelity, and so on.
Oh dammit Lilly, just eat some chocolate donuts.
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I think feeling anger and hatred is just as telling as feeling loss grief and sorrow....it's the feeling nothing that I am curious about. I wonder how many people get there. How many feel something whether good or bad?
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OK Lilly...
Take Erins advice...get some doughnuts
There are people in my past that i feel nothing for whatsoever...just took me a while to remember them since i didnt feel anything about them to make them memorable
Take Erins advice...get some doughnuts
There are people in my past that i feel nothing for whatsoever...just took me a while to remember them since i didnt feel anything about them to make them memorable
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I have never wanted an Ex back...ever. But there are some I feel absolutely nothing towards...nothing. In fact all of them pretty much. There is one however that I can't seem to achieve nothingness. My deepest fear is that I actually did really and truly love this man and that connection will never go away. What if I'm one of those creatures that only bonds to one and I wasted it on him shoot me now 
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There is a fine line between love and hate. The first time was the worst............
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worlds most addictive natural emotional human occurance. "Love", how we each deal or cope with failed attempts at regaining or scoring love is what also makes us unique from one another. I have and do ignore phone calls and I trash the letters w/o opening from EX...It is because my chldren are grown I can do this. I feel more hurt when a neighbor misplaces one of my garden tools or wrenches.
some of those head doctors say indifference is a sign of being over/or recovered from a emotional hurt or bond. I someties wonder if those medically trained doctors even have a clue.
someone once compared unrequited love (not returned/one sided) to the sound/act of one hand clapping, it's silly, looks strange, waste of energy and serves no purpose.
I have remained friends with others who I had a romantic relationshp with, but the EX....maybe in time... right now I wish her no ill will, but teh desire to know what and where and how shes doing , not on my list of things to do today.
just an opinion
some of those head doctors say indifference is a sign of being over/or recovered from a emotional hurt or bond. I someties wonder if those medically trained doctors even have a clue.
someone once compared unrequited love (not returned/one sided) to the sound/act of one hand clapping, it's silly, looks strange, waste of energy and serves no purpose.
I have remained friends with others who I had a romantic relationshp with, but the EX....maybe in time... right now I wish her no ill will, but teh desire to know what and where and how shes doing , not on my list of things to do today.
just an opinion
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Erin...One word....diabetic...
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I take my time getting into a relationship, because when I am with someone, I am intense and passionately in love. Then things happen and we split up, we remain friends, because a part of me was left behind. Yes, I always will have a certain feeling towards them, maybe it is the way we fit so well when we danced, or the way he had of arousing me by the way he kissed a certain part or the sweet way he spoke to me. I have even given a couple relationships a second and third chance on a feeling, only to not have it work out again, it just was not meant to be. Each relationship has lasted anywhere for 6 months to 5 years. I don't worry about my capacity to really bond, because if I did not have the capacity to love and bond I would have never had any relationship in the first place! 
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"someone once compared unrequited love (not returned/one sided) to the sound/act of one hand clapping, it's silly, looks strange, waste of energy and serves no purpose"
Isn't this interesting though. We know it bears no fruit. Cognitively we know there is no benefit of this feeling therefore we should just be able to make a choice and decide not to feel, right....It doesn't always work that way though does it? The brain is suppose to be our control center yet it doesn't control everything...facinating.....Now where do I get a lobotomy...
Isn't this interesting though. We know it bears no fruit. Cognitively we know there is no benefit of this feeling therefore we should just be able to make a choice and decide not to feel, right....It doesn't always work that way though does it? The brain is suppose to be our control center yet it doesn't control everything...facinating.....Now where do I get a lobotomy...
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yeah , it's always easier to tell someone how to do it
then it is to actually do it... hold off on lobotomy though.... I hear the success rate is over-rated....
just a thought.
then it is to actually do it... hold off on lobotomy though.... I hear the success rate is over-rated....
just a thought.
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It took me a little over three years to feel emotionally ready for dating.
Having feelings again takes courage and requires enough trust in the other to enable us to put aside our self protectiveness.
To feel again creates a sense of open heartedness. It seems that people become afraid to feel again because they are afraid of the out of control experience that occurs when they acknowledge the bond between giver and receiver. We are afraid to feel the love that gets created any time we express true feelings toward another. Our hearts may have been broken many times, but we want to make sure it does not happen again.
The choice to love/feel again is ours, in every moment. We have to decide if we want to live in safety, shut inside the shell of our individuality, unwilling to experience the deep and abiding connections that could be ours in any case, or are we willing to risk, over and over, having our hearts broken open to the beauty and the pain of all that is ours to experience when we choose to love again?
Having feelings again takes courage and requires enough trust in the other to enable us to put aside our self protectiveness.
To feel again creates a sense of open heartedness. It seems that people become afraid to feel again because they are afraid of the out of control experience that occurs when they acknowledge the bond between giver and receiver. We are afraid to feel the love that gets created any time we express true feelings toward another. Our hearts may have been broken many times, but we want to make sure it does not happen again.
The choice to love/feel again is ours, in every moment. We have to decide if we want to live in safety, shut inside the shell of our individuality, unwilling to experience the deep and abiding connections that could be ours in any case, or are we willing to risk, over and over, having our hearts broken open to the beauty and the pain of all that is ours to experience when we choose to love again?
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i'll never recover
and it's all your fault!!!!!!!!!!
and it's all your fault!!!!!!!!!!
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I can relate to this totally, I don't have any deep feelings towards my exes except one that I can't shake. It isn't even a recent relationship. If he was my 'soulmate', then why wasn't I his? I hate to think he is the only one for me and I have to pine away for him the rest of my life and he has never given me a another thought. 
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Created: Jul 2006
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