People Pleasers, Say "NO"! (31)
HealthyLiving: There it is!!!
The confirmation I need!
I said this almost word for word, to a friend last night.
These "takers" are taking up space that could be being used by another who would be truly grateful and willing to grow while being provided my help.
Exactly!!! Thank you so much!
HL
The confirmation I need!
I said this almost word for word, to a friend last night.
These "takers" are taking up space that could be being used by another who would be truly grateful and willing to grow while being provided my help.
Exactly!!! Thank you so much!
HL
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HealthyLiving: Up until recently, "No" was dirty word to me. As a people-pleaser, my vocabulary is rich with affirmatives: "yeah," "sure," "okay," "absolutely," "no problem." But my mouth just csn't seem to form the consonant-vowel combination required to say "No," even when "Yes" was simply impossible due to time conficts or just not wanting the negative influence of others dramas in my daily life.
I get stuck at "Nnnnnnn... alright." Which means I am doing all kinds of things that I don't want to, have to, or have time to do.
Are you like me? Surrounded by a modest sampling of users, takers, and even well intentioned askers who could zap all your energy if you let them?
Let us share simple techniques to get our minds and mouth to work in tandem to say: NO!
What ways have you found to set boundaries, which really work?
You may give examples.
Thanks! I really need help with this! HL
I get stuck at "Nnnnnnn... alright." Which means I am doing all kinds of things that I don't want to, have to, or have time to do.
Are you like me? Surrounded by a modest sampling of users, takers, and even well intentioned askers who could zap all your energy if you let them?
Let us share simple techniques to get our minds and mouth to work in tandem to say: NO!
What ways have you found to set boundaries, which really work?
You may give examples.
Thanks! I really need help with this! HL
"Up until recently, “No” was dirty word to me. As a stage-four people-pleaser, my vocabulary was rich with affirmatives: “yeah,” “sure,” “okay,” “absolutely,” “no problem.” But my mouth just couldn’t seem to form the consonant-vowel combination required to say “No,” even when “Yes” was simply impossible due to time conficts or just an overdose of stress in my daily life.
I would get stuck at “Nnnnnnn… alright.” Which meant I was doing all kinds of things that I didn’t want to, have to, or have time to do.
If you are like me, surrounded by a modest sampling of users, takers, and even well intentioned askers who could zap all your energy if you let them, take heart! Here are a few fun, simple techniques to get your mind and mouth to work in tandem to repeat after me: NO!"
Not much difference there, is there... my piece is copied from a website...
It's a good topic, don't get e wrong, but it just bugs me when people post stuff, and pass it off as their own...
At least give credit to whoever wrote it...
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Olsojente:
It's a good topic, don't gete wrong, but it just bugs me when people post stuff, and pass it off as their own...
At least give credit to whoever wrote it...
It's a good topic, don't get
At least give credit to whoever wrote it...
me
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HealthyLiving: I must point out here, that many of my cases are DESPERATE individuals who threaten suicide amongst other "helpless" attitudes, manipulation techniques, etc.
I do not get excited by this as I know them well enough to know that they are trying to manipulate to gain a "pity party", of which I will not take part in. Yet they do tend to suck me in, because I care about people.
I am an encourager. I talk with them that they may see things in a positive light. But now I believe that there comes a time, when they need to put into practice what was intended for them to learn. I must step out of the way.
How?
I am ready to do a Disappearing act!
I do not get excited by this as I know them well enough to know that they are trying to manipulate to gain a "pity party", of which I will not take part in. Yet they do tend to suck me in, because I care about people.
I am an encourager. I talk with them that they may see things in a positive light. But now I believe that there comes a time, when they need to put into practice what was intended for them to learn. I must step out of the way.
How?
I am ready to do a Disappearing act!
Looks like you allow them to execute an emotional blackmail upon you. Sorry, I can’t give any advice in a situation like that, as I never would allow such a situation to arise in my life in the first place.
And I doubt that you actually help them when you tolerate their blackmailing.
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AmoroArboles: You know what you must do HL. Happy to see that you are getting the confirmation that you need. Great idea! [and evidence of a great network of like-minded individuals who are obviously with you] Sending the friend to check on her. A suggestion: giving even 50 to her was likely only a waste; going to the store, then buying 50-worth of dry food-goods to pack her cupboards with, maybe even better?
So she can sell it for Drugs and Alcohol?Doesn't make a bit of difference!
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The last 30 or so years I worked I was a boss/manager and as such we get used to saying no all the time. Employees are alway asking you for things you can't give to them; don't want to give to them, or is just plain stupid. I have known bosses who had a hard time making a decision and saying no. They didn't last long!
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Healthy Living,
When asked to do something you don't have time to do, try telling them:
Maybe.
Just maybe.
Or maybe not.
That will leave them wondering and 'maybe' they will take care of it themselves when they tired of wondering.
When asked to do something you don't have time to do, try telling them:
Maybe.
Just maybe.
Or maybe not.
That will leave them wondering and 'maybe' they will take care of it themselves when they tired of wondering.
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My facial expressions are a dead giveaway
if i dont like a thing then look at me and my expression will give you the answer before i open my mouth to say no
I am in a position right now where folks are complaining amongst one another, i tell them to say NO and its sad that they cant, they will end up ill but i wont, i value my life..
if i dont like a thing then look at me and my expression will give you the answer before i open my mouth to say no
I am in a position right now where folks are complaining amongst one another, i tell them to say NO and its sad that they cant, they will end up ill but i wont, i value my life..
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Conrad73: So she can sell it for Drugs and Alcohol?
Doesn't make a bit of difference!
Doesn't make a bit of difference!
Perhaps there are other ways this situation could be handled.
But given the time and circumstances of the individual who checked up on her and the manipulation that was being imposed upon him...
He did the right thing. He got out of there ASAP!!
Yet he still showed her that he cared while not giving in to her demands.
How can she speak bad of him to me when he did an act of kindness, as far as she is concerned.
Truly, this woman needs more help than I would consider giving her. I am grateful that I will not be manipulated into her scheme, as now I know what is actually happening in her life, not the snow job story she presents to me on the phone.
Conrad, perhaps not the best way...
But it was this mans hearts performance of love in action that gets credit, no matter what she decided to do with the money.
I would not count it against him.
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HealthyLiving: Perhaps there are other ways this situation could be handled.
But given the time and circumstances of the individual who checked up on her and the manipulation that was being imposed upon him...
He did the right thing. He got out of there ASAP!!
Yet he still showed her that he cared while not giving in to her demands.
How can she speak bad of him to me when he did an act of kindness, as far as she is concerned.
Truly, this woman needs more help than I would consider giving her. I am grateful that I will not be manipulated into her scheme, as now I know what is actually happening in her life, not the snow job story she presents to me on the phone.
Conrad, perhaps not the best way...
But it was this mans hearts performance of love in action that gets credit, no matter what she decided to do with the money.
I would not count it against him.
I wouldn't either.But given the time and circumstances of the individual who checked up on her and the manipulation that was being imposed upon him...
He did the right thing. He got out of there ASAP!!
Yet he still showed her that he cared while not giving in to her demands.
How can she speak bad of him to me when he did an act of kindness, as far as she is concerned.
Truly, this woman needs more help than I would consider giving her. I am grateful that I will not be manipulated into her scheme, as now I know what is actually happening in her life, not the snow job story she presents to me on the phone.
Conrad, perhaps not the best way...
But it was this mans hearts performance of love in action that gets credit, no matter what she decided to do with the money.
I would not count it against him.
She has to hit Bottom on her own,only then will she understand,that to get out of the Hole she has to stop Digging first!
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Shared experiences help us grow into more mature, self-understanding people. In your case, you have overcome low self-esteem!
I hope your example will help many others and encourage them that it can be accomplished!!As stated earlier, I get myself into jams due to being overly compassionate. It is not an issue of self-esteem for me.