People Pleasers, Say "NO"! (31)
DO WHAT YOU FEEL THATS IN YOUR HEART 
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You should've just continued reading the site you copied this from... Full of advice!!
"2- Smile and Shake Your Head
You’ll find this, the most basic form of body language, to be a sweet, nonverbal way to communicate this sentiment: NO WAY.
3- Fill Your Calendar
Fill up your daily planner with prior commitments, like long, hot bubble baths. That way, you can say, “No, sorry, but I have an appointment for that evening.”
4- Run Out the Clock
Distract the person who’s asking for your time, change the subject, and stall until it’s time to say good-bye.
5- Tape Your Mouth Shut
You can do this figuratively (or literally!) until you learn how to say: “no,” “nope,” “sorry,” “can’t,” or any other variation. If you don’t say anything, you can’t say, “Sure, I’ll do it!”
6- Let the Phone Ring
Just because someone is calling doesn’t mean you have to pick up. An even better method: turn your ringers off. That way you won’t even know that you are saying no!
7-Post a Sign
Think, “Do not disturb” or “Personal Time. Thanks for understanding!” Project to those around you that you’re in privacy mode.
8-Press “Send”
After you have finished composing a polite regret to yet another request by a pushy friend.
9-Walk Away
Put one foot in front of the other until some distance has accumulated between you and the persistent nagger.
10-Volunteer Someone Else
Find a better person for the job (namely, someone who has more time than you). If they can’t do it, it’s up to them to say no for themselves."
"2- Smile and Shake Your Head
You’ll find this, the most basic form of body language, to be a sweet, nonverbal way to communicate this sentiment: NO WAY.
3- Fill Your Calendar
Fill up your daily planner with prior commitments, like long, hot bubble baths. That way, you can say, “No, sorry, but I have an appointment for that evening.”
4- Run Out the Clock
Distract the person who’s asking for your time, change the subject, and stall until it’s time to say good-bye.
5- Tape Your Mouth Shut
You can do this figuratively (or literally!) until you learn how to say: “no,” “nope,” “sorry,” “can’t,” or any other variation. If you don’t say anything, you can’t say, “Sure, I’ll do it!”
6- Let the Phone Ring
Just because someone is calling doesn’t mean you have to pick up. An even better method: turn your ringers off. That way you won’t even know that you are saying no!
7-Post a Sign
Think, “Do not disturb” or “Personal Time. Thanks for understanding!” Project to those around you that you’re in privacy mode.
8-Press “Send”
After you have finished composing a polite regret to yet another request by a pushy friend.
9-Walk Away
Put one foot in front of the other until some distance has accumulated between you and the persistent nagger.
10-Volunteer Someone Else
Find a better person for the job (namely, someone who has more time than you). If they can’t do it, it’s up to them to say no for themselves."
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Olsojente: You should've just continued reading the site you copied this from... Full of advice!!"2- Smile and Shake Your Head
You’ll find this, the most basic form of body language, to be a sweet, nonverbal way to communicate this sentiment: NO WAY.
3- Fill Your Calendar
Fill up your daily planner with prior commitments, like long, hot bubble baths. That way, you can say, “No, sorry, but I have an appointment for that evening.”
4- Run Out the Clock
Distract the person who’s asking for your time, change the subject, and stall until it’s time to say good-bye.
5- Tape Your Mouth Shut
You can do this figuratively (or literally!) until you learn how to say: “no,” “nope,” “sorry,” “can’t,” or any other variation. If you don’t say anything, you can’t say, “Sure, I’ll do it!”
6- Let the Phone Ring
Just because someone is calling doesn’t mean you have to pick up. An even better method: turn your ringers off. That way you won’t even know that you are saying no!
7-Post a Sign
Think, “Do not disturb” or “Personal Time. Thanks for understanding!” Project to those around you that you’re in privacy mode.
8-Press “Send”
After you have finished composing a polite regret to yet another request by a pushy friend.
9-Walk Away
Put one foot in front of the other until some distance has accumulated between you and the persistent nagger.
10-Volunteer Someone Else
Find a better person for the job (namely, someone who has more time than you). If they can’t do it, it’s up to them to say no for themselves."
You’ll find this, the most basic form of body language, to be a sweet, nonverbal way to communicate this sentiment: NO WAY.
3- Fill Your Calendar
Fill up your daily planner with prior commitments, like long, hot bubble baths. That way, you can say, “No, sorry, but I have an appointment for that evening.”
4- Run Out the Clock
Distract the person who’s asking for your time, change the subject, and stall until it’s time to say good-bye.
5- Tape Your Mouth Shut
You can do this figuratively (or literally!) until you learn how to say: “no,” “nope,” “sorry,” “can’t,” or any other variation. If you don’t say anything, you can’t say, “Sure, I’ll do it!”
6- Let the Phone Ring
Just because someone is calling doesn’t mean you have to pick up. An even better method: turn your ringers off. That way you won’t even know that you are saying no!
7-Post a Sign
Think, “Do not disturb” or “Personal Time. Thanks for understanding!” Project to those around you that you’re in privacy mode.
8-Press “Send”
After you have finished composing a polite regret to yet another request by a pushy friend.
9-Walk Away
Put one foot in front of the other until some distance has accumulated between you and the persistent nagger.
10-Volunteer Someone Else
Find a better person for the job (namely, someone who has more time than you). If they can’t do it, it’s up to them to say no for themselves."
Hi Oslo!
Different website and that is the answers Laura gave. I got the idea from the article by Laura but that was not what was on my mind. If you will notice, my statements are considerably different from her article.
I discussed this yesterday on an email with a friend.
It seems that many people call me on the phone, they live far away, and they dump their situations on me. I be the listening ear. If I share my opinion or advice, they never do take it, yet they continue doing this to me. Afterwards, when I meditate on it, I become frustrated with myself, as I see a pattern has developed in doing this, repeatedly for years.
How do I stop?
The answers given in Laura's advice, do not address my situation at all. This is why I used her idea, with changes, hoping someone can help me, or we can help each other to resolve similar issues.
I choose to discuss this in the way I posted this thread, not in the way Laura did in her article and her advice. Let's make this personal. What works for you?
I am willing to take good advice in learning to overcome this habit.
HL------ This thread is Archived ------
no,nyet,non, no nay, nope, noppers, nein lol
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Dawn7z: no,nyet,non, no nay, nope, noppers, nein lol
Cute!
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i simply have to see how i feel if it is in the future they are asking about, and if i don't want to or can't i let them know
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What do you think will happen if you say no ........will your world come crashing down .......will their's
Will saying no make you feel a like a bad person ......or a bad person in their eyes
Will saying no make you feel a like a bad person ......or a bad person in their eyes
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Even when the sheep are separated from the Goats
the word "No" will be "depart From Me"! For I do not Know you
So Even God will say NO!
the word "No" will be "depart From Me"! For I do not Know you
So Even God will say NO!
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HealthyLiving: Up until recently, "No" was dirty word to me. As a people-pleaser, my vocabulary is rich with affirmatives: "yeah," "sure," "okay," "absolutely," "no problem." But my mouth just csn't seem to form the consonant-vowel combination required to say "No," even when "Yes" was simply impossible due to time conficts or just not wanting the negative influence of others dramas in my daily life.
I get stuck at "Nnnnnnn... alright." Which means I am doing all kinds of things that I don't want to, have to, or have time to do.
Are you like me? Surrounded by a modest sampling of users, takers, and even well intentioned askers who could zap all your energy if you let them?
Let us share simple techniques to get our minds and mouth to work in tandem to say: NO!
What ways have you found to set boundaries, which really work?
You may give examples.
Thanks! I really need help with this! HL
I get stuck at "Nnnnnnn... alright." Which means I am doing all kinds of things that I don't want to, have to, or have time to do.
Are you like me? Surrounded by a modest sampling of users, takers, and even well intentioned askers who could zap all your energy if you let them?
Let us share simple techniques to get our minds and mouth to work in tandem to say: NO!
What ways have you found to set boundaries, which really work?
You may give examples.
Thanks! I really need help with this! HL
In my private life I have no difficulties to say “no” when I don’t want to do what I’ve been asked to, or when I know I wouldn’t have time for it. (Quite different matter when it’s your job – then you just have to do it, you like it or not.)
And in my private life I prefer to deal with people who can say “no” on my request. I won’t even wonder why they say “no” – a “no” is a “no”, period.
I don’t like to deal with people who really don’t want to do what you asked them, but say “yes” nonetheless. It can turn in a few different ways: for example, they will do for you what they agreed to do, but would hate it, and at the end they will blame you that you’ve taken so much of their time and efforts or demand of you to be grateful for what they’ve done for you. And these demands can stretch over many years; if you knew that they didn’t want to do you a favour, you’d instead ask someone else, or manage without their help in some other way.
Or it happens that people, who said “yes” without meaning it, would delay with their help infinitely, and it takes time before you’d understand that they really won’t do anything – you’re just losing your time. And again it’d be better for you to manage without them from the very beginning.
If I learned anything from this life… you can rely only upon volunteers.
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almera03: What do you think will happen if you say no ........will your world come crashing down .......will their's
Will saying no make you feel a like a bad person ......or a bad person in their eyes
Will saying no make you feel a like a bad person ......or a bad person in their eyes
Thank you for your question!
I would have to answer, "No", to both.
The problem I am having is related to having so much compassion for others.
The time consuming phone calls, as they speak to me from hurting hearts due to relationship breakups or wanting help, wanting to relocate to my home (this would truly ensnare me!), although I do invite them to come
Then come the excuses or they need money for travel. Even if that is offered, more excuses of why they can not come now. What's their point? They are wasting my time. How can I say "NO, leave me alone, you are wasting my time."
And not hurt their feelings in the process?
They need to work their situations out for themselves. They should grow from their own experience. I am not their answer.
I know this, yet why do they continue to come to me?
Some of these people I have known for 10 to 20 years. They always want to run to me for help or advice. I am trying to sort them out. Those who don't follow thru, should I quit giving them my time or my help?
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Tulefel: In my private life I have no difficulties to say “no” when I don’t want to do what I’ve been asked to, or when I know I wouldn’t have time for it. (Quite different matter when it’s your job – then you just have to do it, you like it or not.)
And in my private life I prefer to deal with people who can say “no” on my request. I won’t even wonder why they say “no” – a “no” is a “no”, period.
I don’t like to deal with people who really don’t want to do what you asked them, but say “yes” nonetheless. It can turn in a few different ways: for example, they will do for you what they agreed to do, but would hate it, and at the end they will blame you that you’ve taken so much of their time and efforts or demand of you to be grateful for what they’ve done for you. And these demands can stretch over many years; if you knew that they didn’t want to do you a favour, you’d instead ask someone else, or manage without their help in some other way.
Or it happens that people, who said “yes” without meaning it, would delay with their help infinitely, and it takes time before you’d understand that they really won’t do anything – you’re just losing your time. And again it’d be better for you to manage without them from the very beginning.
If I learned anything from this life… you can rely only upon volunteers.
And in my private life I prefer to deal with people who can say “no” on my request. I won’t even wonder why they say “no” – a “no” is a “no”, period.
I don’t like to deal with people who really don’t want to do what you asked them, but say “yes” nonetheless. It can turn in a few different ways: for example, they will do for you what they agreed to do, but would hate it, and at the end they will blame you that you’ve taken so much of their time and efforts or demand of you to be grateful for what they’ve done for you. And these demands can stretch over many years; if you knew that they didn’t want to do you a favour, you’d instead ask someone else, or manage without their help in some other way.
Or it happens that people, who said “yes” without meaning it, would delay with their help infinitely, and it takes time before you’d understand that they really won’t do anything – you’re just losing your time. And again it’d be better for you to manage without them from the very beginning.
If I learned anything from this life… you can rely only upon volunteers.
I get you response. Thank you!But where do you draw the line?
If you are one who is a giver, a helper, a friend to those in need? If you are always the one to give the volunteer of help?
Do you come to a point where you must cut them off from your supply? I think so, when it comes down to your enabling them.
But phone calls are another thing. Perhaps it's just the time being wasted?
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HealthyLiving: Up until recently, "No" was dirty word to me. As a people-pleaser, my vocabulary is rich with affirmatives: "yeah," "sure," "okay," "absolutely," "no problem." But my mouth just csn't seem to form the consonant-vowel combination required to say "No," even when "Yes" was simply impossible due to time conficts or just not wanting the negative influence of others dramas in my daily life.
I get stuck at "Nnnnnnn... alright." Which means I am doing all kinds of things that I don't want to, have to, or have time to do.
Are you like me? Surrounded by a modest sampling of users, takers, and even well intentioned askers who could zap all your energy if you let them?
Let us share simple techniques to get our minds and mouth to work in tandem to say: NO!
What ways have you found to set boundaries, which really work?
You may give examples.
Thanks! I really need help with this! HL
I get stuck at "Nnnnnnn... alright." Which means I am doing all kinds of things that I don't want to, have to, or have time to do.
Are you like me? Surrounded by a modest sampling of users, takers, and even well intentioned askers who could zap all your energy if you let them?
Let us share simple techniques to get our minds and mouth to work in tandem to say: NO!
What ways have you found to set boundaries, which really work?
You may give examples.
Thanks! I really need help with this! HL
I used to be afraid to say "No". I used to run around, trying to please everyone, do what I thought was the "right thing", say what I want others wanted to hear. It made me physically sick at times - the stress of trying to please..
Then, I realised why I was doing it. It was because my self esteem was at such a low ebb that I felt that by saying "Yes" all the time I was going to be liked all the time. I felt that for some reason I was unworthy of being liked for myself and my own views.
Then, through the course of time, and certain life lessons, I took back that control that I had lost, and regained my self worth and esteem.
And realised, that for one, it dont matter a jot if some dislike me. I dont need them in my life. Secondly, I realised that by sticking up for myself, and sometimes saying "No", even if it caused short term ructions, in the LONG TERM I was respected more, and actually gained more friends.
I think, certainly from my own perspective, being a "Yes Person" stems from a lack of one's own self worth.
Just my two-penneth..
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petalbabe: I used to be afraid to say "No". I used to run around, trying to please everyone, do what I thought was the "right thing", say what I want others wanted to hear. It made me physically sick at times - the stress of trying to please..
Then, I realised why I was doing it. It was because my self esteem was at such a low ebb that I felt that by saying "Yes" all the time I was going to be liked all the time. I felt that for some reason I was unworthy of being liked for myself and my own views.
Then, through the course of time, and certain life lessons, I took back that control that I had lost, and regained my self worth and esteem.
And realised, that for one, it dont matter a jot if some dislike me. I dont need them in my life. Secondly, I realised that by sticking up for myself, and sometimes saying "No", even if it caused short term ructions, in the LONG TERM I was respected more, and actually gained more friends.
I think, certainly from my own perspective, being a "Yes Person" stems from a lack of one's own self worth.
Just my two-penneth..
Then, I realised why I was doing it. It was because my self esteem was at such a low ebb that I felt that by saying "Yes" all the time I was going to be liked all the time. I felt that for some reason I was unworthy of being liked for myself and my own views.
Then, through the course of time, and certain life lessons, I took back that control that I had lost, and regained my self worth and esteem.
And realised, that for one, it dont matter a jot if some dislike me. I dont need them in my life. Secondly, I realised that by sticking up for myself, and sometimes saying "No", even if it caused short term ructions, in the LONG TERM I was respected more, and actually gained more friends.
I think, certainly from my own perspective, being a "Yes Person" stems from a lack of one's own self worth.
Just my two-penneth..
Meant to say "thought"..
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In response to: Up until recently, "No" was dirty word to me. As a people-pleaser, my vocabulary is rich with affirmatives: "yeah," "sure," "okay," "absolutely," "no problem." But my mouth just csn't seem to form the consonant-vowel combination required to say "No," even when "Yes" was simply impossible due to time conficts or just not wanting the negative influence of others dramas in my daily life.
I get stuck at "Nnnnnnn... alright." Which means I am doing all kinds of things that I don't want to, have to, or have time to do.
Are you like me? Surrounded by a modest sampling of users, takers, and even well intentioned askers who could zap all your energy if you let them?
Let us share simple techniques to get our minds and mouth to work in tandem to say: NO!
What ways have you found to set boundaries, which really work?
You may give examples.
Thanks! I really need help with this! HL
I get stuck at "Nnnnnnn... alright." Which means I am doing all kinds of things that I don't want to, have to, or have time to do.
Are you like me? Surrounded by a modest sampling of users, takers, and even well intentioned askers who could zap all your energy if you let them?
Let us share simple techniques to get our minds and mouth to work in tandem to say: NO!
What ways have you found to set boundaries, which really work?
You may give examples.
Thanks! I really need help with this! HL
I don't really have a technique I just plainly say NO!!!
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HealthyLiving: I get you response. Thank you!
But where do you draw the line?
If you are one who is a giver, a helper, a friend to those in need? If you are always the one to give the volunteer of help?
Do you come to a point where you must cut them off from your supply? I think so, when it comes down to your enabling them.
But phone calls are another thing. Perhaps it's just the time being wasted?
But where do you draw the line?
If you are one who is a giver, a helper, a friend to those in need? If you are always the one to give the volunteer of help?
Do you come to a point where you must cut them off from your supply? I think so, when it comes down to your enabling them.
But phone calls are another thing. Perhaps it's just the time being wasted?
I draw the line when I feel uncomfortable to say “yes”. My contacts are grouped into family, friends and acquaintances.
I’d do everything for my family, and it seldom feels uncomfortable. It’s as to help yourself.
The same way I feel when I help my friends – I do it because I feel for it, because I care for them and for our friendship. And frankly, my friends have never asked me to do anything that they knew I would be uncomfortable to do. And when I tell them “Sorry, but right now I have no time to talk, shall we do it tomorrow?” they understand. But that’s friends.
People that are acquaintances… there are reasons why we only are acquaintances, not friends, though we know each other for many years. I would never ask them to do for me something I know would cause them extra efforts, and I expect the same courtesy from them.
Your resources are not unlimited, and if you feel that phone calls take too much of your time and energy, then you can either continue to have it this way, or tell them the truth – that you ran out of your resources, that you’ve got your own life, and that you cannot save the whole world.
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JUST SAY NO NO NO NO NO NO NO Sorry I don't have a problem saying NO lol I use to be like u tried to please every one take care of everyone and everything but one day it got old and I had enough... of course a couple people got mad at me but I found out what our relationship meant to them. Look out for #1 cuz no one else will. I learned the hard way and wasted alot of my time take care and find your way Just say NO!!!!!!
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petalbabe: I used to be afraid to say "No". I used to run around, trying to please everyone, do what I thought was the "right thing", say what I want others wanted to hear. It made me physically sick at times - the stress of trying to please..
Then, I realised why I was doing it. It was because my self esteem was at such a low ebb that I felt that by saying "Yes" all the time I was going to be liked all the time. I felt that for some reason I was unworthy of being liked for myself and my own views.
Then, through the course of time, and certain life lessons, I took back that control that I had lost, and regained my self worth and esteem.
And realised, that for one, it dont matter a jot if some dislike me. I dont need them in my life. Secondly, I realised that by sticking up for myself, and sometimes saying "No", even if it caused short term ructions, in the LONG TERM I was respected more, and actually gained more friends.
I think, certainly from my own perspective, being a "Yes Person" stems from a lack of one's own self worth.
Just my two-penneth..
Then, I realised why I was doing it. It was because my self esteem was at such a low ebb that I felt that by saying "Yes" all the time I was going to be liked all the time. I felt that for some reason I was unworthy of being liked for myself and my own views.
Then, through the course of time, and certain life lessons, I took back that control that I had lost, and regained my self worth and esteem.
And realised, that for one, it dont matter a jot if some dislike me. I dont need them in my life. Secondly, I realised that by sticking up for myself, and sometimes saying "No", even if it caused short term ructions, in the LONG TERM I was respected more, and actually gained more friends.
I think, certainly from my own perspective, being a "Yes Person" stems from a lack of one's own self worth.
Just my two-penneth..
Thank you for sharing this life experience with us!Shared experiences help us grow into more mature, self-understanding people. In your case, you have overcome low self-esteem!
I hope your example will help many others and encourage them that it can be accomplished!!
As stated earlier, I get myself into jams due to being overly compassionate. It is not an issue of self-esteem for me.
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HealthyLiving: Thank you for your question!
I would have to answer, "No", to both.
The problem I am having is related to having so much compassion for others.
The time consuming phone calls, as they speak to me from hurting hearts due to relationship breakups or wanting help, wanting to relocate to my home (this would truly ensnare me!), although I do invite them to come Then come the excuses or they need money for travel. Even if that is offered, more excuses of why they can not come now. What's their point? They are wasting my time.
How can I say "NO, leave me alone, you are wasting my time."
And not hurt their feelings in the process?
They need to work their situations out for themselves. They should grow from their own experience. I am not their answer.
I know this, yet why do they continue to come to me?
Some of these people I have known for 10 to 20 years. They always want to run to me for help or advice. I am trying to sort them out. Those who don't follow thru, should I quit giving them my time or my help?
You have answered your own questions ......you know you are being used ........and your kindness and generosity is being abused ........these people will continue to call you because you allow it to happen ...........I would have to answer, "No", to both.
The problem I am having is related to having so much compassion for others.
The time consuming phone calls, as they speak to me from hurting hearts due to relationship breakups or wanting help, wanting to relocate to my home (this would truly ensnare me!), although I do invite them to come Then come the excuses or they need money for travel. Even if that is offered, more excuses of why they can not come now. What's their point? They are wasting my time.
How can I say "NO, leave me alone, you are wasting my time."
And not hurt their feelings in the process?
They need to work their situations out for themselves. They should grow from their own experience. I am not their answer.
I know this, yet why do they continue to come to me?
Some of these people I have known for 10 to 20 years. They always want to run to me for help or advice. I am trying to sort them out. Those who don't follow thru, should I quit giving them my time or my help?
Perhaps see them as your children growing at a small age ........if you were to continue to shield and smother that child it would not learn to fend or grow for its self .......and or it would quickly learn to become lazy
If you wish to help those that constantly come to you then saying NO will be your biggest help to them .......forcing them to fend for them selves will in the long term be more beneficial to both of you
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Tulefel: I draw the line when I feel uncomfortable to say “yes”. My contacts are grouped into family, friends and acquaintances.
I’d do everything for my family, and it seldom feels uncomfortable. It’s as to help yourself.
The same way I feel when I help my friends – I do it because I feel for it, because I care for them and for our friendship. And frankly, my friends have never asked me to do anything that they knew I would be uncomfortable to do. And when I tell them “Sorry, but right now I have no time to talk, shall we do it tomorrow?” they understand. But that’s friends.
People that are acquaintances… there are reasons why we only are acquaintances, not friends, though we know each other for many years. I would never ask them to do for me something I know would cause them extra efforts, and I expect the same courtesy from them.
Your resources are not unlimited, and if you feel that phone calls take too much of your time and energy, then you can either continue to have it this way, or tell them the truth – that you ran out of your resources, that you’ve got your own life, and that you cannot save the whole world.
I’d do everything for my family, and it seldom feels uncomfortable. It’s as to help yourself.
The same way I feel when I help my friends – I do it because I feel for it, because I care for them and for our friendship. And frankly, my friends have never asked me to do anything that they knew I would be uncomfortable to do. And when I tell them “Sorry, but right now I have no time to talk, shall we do it tomorrow?” they understand. But that’s friends.
People that are acquaintances… there are reasons why we only are acquaintances, not friends, though we know each other for many years. I would never ask them to do for me something I know would cause them extra efforts, and I expect the same courtesy from them.
Your resources are not unlimited, and if you feel that phone calls take too much of your time and energy, then you can either continue to have it this way, or tell them the truth – that you ran out of your resources, that you’ve got your own life, and that you cannot save the whole world.
I must point out here, that many of my cases are DESPERATE individuals who threaten suicide amongst other "helpless" attitudes, manipulation techniques, etc.
I do not get excited by this as I know them well enough to know that they are trying to manipulate to gain a "pity party", of which I will not take part in. Yet they do tend to suck me in, because I care about people.
I am an encourager. I talk with them that they may see things in a positive light. But now I believe that there comes a time, when they need to put into practice what was intended for them to learn. I must step out of the way.
How?
I am ready to do a Disappearing act!
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Created: Oct 2009
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- Unions support Democrats!
I get stuck at "Nnnnnnn... alright." Which means I am doing all kinds of things that I don't want to, have to, or have time to do.
Are you like me? Surrounded by a modest sampling of users, takers, and even well intentioned askers who could zap all your energy if you let them?
Let us share simple techniques to get our minds and mouth to work in tandem to say: NO!
What ways have you found to set boundaries, which really work?
You may give examples.
Thanks! I really need help with this!