How hard is it really, to find someone willing to date a single mom? ( Archived) (33)

Dec 20, 2009 1:55 AM CST How hard is it really, to find someone willing to date a single mom?
strict
strictstricttehran, Iran5 Threads 2,018 Posts
exacyly.i did not say this because of that.you see this gal seems hopeless and made me remaind her these things.
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Dec 20, 2009 5:20 AM CST How hard is it really, to find someone willing to date a single mom?
Steve5721
Steve5721Steve5721La Zenia, Murcia Spain72 Threads 2 Polls 4,564 Posts
I'd date you! lol

Trust me sweetie, you will find a bloke to date you...there are men around that would like to date a pretty girl as yourself, with or without kids.
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Dec 20, 2009 4:45 PM CST How hard is it really, to find someone willing to date a single mom?
RedTrooper
RedTrooperRedTrooperStonehaven, Grampian, Scotland UK4 Posts
I would not have a problem with it. I'm also a single father and i feel i have the same problems, as soon as i mention my kid and how important he is to me, woman seem to run a mile. i evan went down the route of not telling them about him, but then i would be lying to not only myself my son and to them and thats not on.
So i know where you are coming from, i guess you just have to hang in there, don't push your child on to people. Slowly introduce the child into the relationship and take things from there.. Aye well i hope that would work lol..
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Dec 20, 2009 4:59 PM CST How hard is it really, to find someone willing to date a single mom?
sjanean: After being left will absolutely nothing, and my ex-husband cheating, I've healed from most of it and am getting back on my own feet again for my 2 year old daughter and I now. And I have not yet started dating - I want to wait at least a year- lol! That's what everyone tells me -to wait at least a year, it's been 6 months. Anyway my question is how hard is it honestly to find an awesome man who is willing to accept both you and a child as a package?

The ribbon on this package is your child. Who is worthy of touching this box. I'm an old single mother, and let me tell you, your child should and will always come first if you are a good parent.
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Dec 23, 2009 8:05 AM CST How hard is it really, to find someone willing to date a single mom?
FancyaChat
FancyaChatFancyaChatsheffield, Derbyshire, England UK10 Threads 1 Polls 22 Posts
I have been out with a lot of women with children and the age ranges have been from 5 to 16 boys and girls.

I found these to be particular to those encounters.I am not stating fact just my impressions.

The older elements lacked trust and with boys I was seen as somebody who should not be there and was treated with caution until a bond occurred and even then I received you’re not my dad you don’t tell me what to do attitude.

No problems with that for that’s how I used to be, but there comes a time when the fragile respect is broken if you are seen as a threat to their manhood. Again no problems here you expect a son to look after his mum.

On the reverse side I had one lad where used to sneak out and I would give driving lessons to him at 15 on a private park,,, and the connection became a problem when he decided that my authority was greater than his mothers and she lost the ability to control him.

The worst thing I found was with girls who were quite mature for their age; where the demands upon their mothers increased when and if they felt the attention given to me was more than the attention given to them.

So it is difficult for men at times to gain a mutual understanding between themselves and their partner’s children and in some situations the utter refusal of the children to accept this new face becomes an issue in the relationship.

Amongst our gender group you hear time and time again where the man has said they are out of control and they cannot say anything because when they do they are attacked by the mother for overstepping her acceptable boundaries on your input,,, In other words they are my kids you do not tell them what to do.

I still find myself doing it today when one of my sisters has a new boyfriend , I quiz and grill them to determine if they are suitable for my sisters and her kids, and let the kids know that if they have a problem then they are to come and tell uncle John.

So it is hard for men to enter the world of women with children sometimes their actual appearance can be seen as not welcome and even though trust between the man and the partners offspring is formed the acceptance sometimes causes conflict within her immediate family; because that bond of mutuality has not been formed with all family members,
Which if you were to consider this you would only see it as a good thing because all they are doing is safeguarding their brothers or sisters children until they feel that the new partner is considered an acceptable candidate.

One lady I went out with allowed her brother to slap her child for being naughty at a social gathering and all I said was hey mate there is no need for that and I was bluntly told that it was none of my business as they were not my kids. So you have a right because you are the uncle?????????

I have run out of characters now so I cannot give you my personal interpretation of the problems perceived with the younger element.

So most men who have had relationships with women with children before and are considering the same again often base their judgments on past experiences. The boundaries of acceptance, actions and bonds differ greatly in each relationship formed.
As a man and if I had children present I would accept with open arms a woman into their lives and would not question that authority until I felt something was wrong because I always follow my intuition.

However I understand how complex the issue must be for a woman for in today’s society she has more things to consider than I and even to accept a man into a relationship must surely make you evaluate his integrity and suitability as a partner and surrogate father. Does it not?

I have a son and the one thing that used to make me laugh was when my partner had younger female children I used to struggle because I have never played dolls, but hey where kids are concerned the learning process never ends.
professor
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Dec 23, 2009 6:47 PM CST How hard is it really, to find someone willing to date a single mom?
jdc5558
jdc5558jdc5558Williamsburg, Indiana USA5 Threads 152 Posts
I checked out your profile and see that you are near a military base. Ft Stewart is full of young hero's in your age bracket. If you don't have a problem with Military men, Go to the Officers or NCO club on a Friday night. They will line up to dance with you. Many men would not have a problem dating or marrying a single mom. Be selective and careful. You have a lot to offer the right man and I'm sure you will find him. Merry Christmas.
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Dec 23, 2009 7:08 PM CST How hard is it really, to find someone willing to date a single mom?
DreamingWoman
DreamingWomanDreamingWomanKent, Washington USA23 Posts
I never had a problem finding interested men and I've been a single mother for many years; there are plenty of understanding men around...good luck!
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Dec 23, 2009 7:20 PM CST How hard is it really, to find someone willing to date a single mom?
chunkypie
chunkypiechunkypielondon, Essex, England UK25 Posts
sjanean: After being left will absolutely nothing, and my ex-husband cheating, I've healed from most of it and am getting back on my own feet again for my 2 year old daughter and I now. And I have not yet started dating - I want to wait at least a year- lol! That's what everyone tells me -to wait at least a year, it's been 6 months. Anyway my question is how hard is it honestly to find an awesome man who is willing to accept both you and a child as a package?


I don't think its a problem at all.
Although in my experience I find a lot of women seem to like the idea of having a new man and possibly a new father for their child but in reality women feel uncomptable with someone else disciplining "their" child no matter how long you have been together.
Also the bloke has to except he will always be bottom of the pile. you will never be an equal couple. It will always be you then your child and in my case the dog, cat, goldfish then me laugh
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Dec 23, 2009 7:28 PM CST How hard is it really, to find someone willing to date a single mom?
robinrey
robinreyrobinreySan Bartolo, Baja California Sur Mexico32 Posts
Isn't that the truth.. laugh
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Dec 23, 2009 7:29 PM CST How hard is it really, to find someone willing to date a single mom?
scoutmaster
scoutmasterscoutmasterGranite falls, Washington USA29 Threads 6 Polls 1,100 Posts
When I got married for the first time I married a lady with 3 kids, it was not a problem for me to be a step dad, As it turned oout 8 years later she moved out and left me to raise all the kids, those three and 2 more between us.

Now I would merry a single mom again if it where the right single mom. at my age though most ladies who have kids there kids are eather grown or almost grown.
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Dec 23, 2009 7:47 PM CST How hard is it really, to find someone willing to date a single mom?
Towardssomewhere
TowardssomewhereTowardssomewhereShenzhen, Guangdong China24 Posts
sjanean: After being left will absolutely nothing, and my ex-husband cheating, I've healed from most of it and am getting back on my own feet again for my 2 year old daughter and I now. And I have not yet started dating - I want to wait at least a year- lol! That's what everyone tells me -to wait at least a year, it's been 6 months. Anyway my question is how hard is it honestly to find an awesome man who is willing to accept both you and a child as a package?


Nah,dear,you don't need to have to wait for at least one year,believe your heart can know the best what you need,not anyone elsedevil.Just go after the flow,miracle exist in somewhere...A man who love you absolutely can accept both you and your angel little girl...
Good luck to you.

a Big hug sad flower
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Dec 23, 2009 8:33 PM CST How hard is it really, to find someone willing to date a single mom?
Towardssomewhere
TowardssomewhereTowardssomewhereShenzhen, Guangdong China24 Posts
FancyaChat: I have been out with a lot of women with children and the age ranges have been from 5 to 16 boys and girls.

I found these to be particular to those encounters.I am not stating fact just my impressions.

The older elements lacked trust and with boys I was seen as somebody who should not be there and was treated with caution until a bond occurred and even then I received you’re not my dad you don’t tell me what to do attitude.

No problems with that for that’s how I used to be, but there comes a time when the fragile respect is broken if you are seen as a threat to their manhood. Again no problems here you expect a son to look after his mum.

On the reverse side I had one lad where used to sneak out and I would give driving lessons to him at 15 on a private park,,, and the connection became a problem when he decided that my authority was greater than his mothers and she lost the ability to control him.

The worst thing I found was with girls who were quite mature for their age; where the demands upon their mothers increased when and if they felt the attention given to me was more than the attention given to them.

So it is difficult for men at times to gain a mutual understanding between themselves and their partner’s children and in some situations the utter refusal of the children to accept this new face becomes an issue in the relationship.

Amongst our gender group you hear time and time again where the man has said they are out of control and they cannot say anything because when they do they are attacked by the mother for overstepping her acceptable boundaries on your input,,, In other words they are my kids you do not tell them what to do.

I still find myself doing it today when one of my sisters has a new boyfriend , I quiz and grill them to determine if they are suitable for my sisters and her kids, and let the kids know that if they have a problem then they are to come and tell uncle John.

So it is hard for men to enter the world of women with children sometimes their actual appearance can be seen as not welcome and even though trust between the man and the partners offspring is formed the acceptance sometimes causes conflict within her immediate family; because that bond of mutuality has not been formed with all family members,
Which if you were to consider this you would only see it as a good thing because all they are doing is safeguarding their brothers or sisters children until they feel that the new partner is considered an acceptable candidate.

One lady I went out with allowed her brother to slap her child for being naughty at a social gathering and all I said was hey mate there is no need for that and I was bluntly told that it was none of my business as they were not my kids. So you have a right because you are the uncle?????????

I have run out of characters now so I cannot give you my personal interpretation of the problems perceived with the younger element.

So most men who have had relationships with women with children before and are considering the same again often base their judgments on past experiences. The boundaries of acceptance, actions and bonds differ greatly in each relationship formed.
As a man and if I had children present I would accept with open arms a woman into their lives and would not question that authority until I felt something was wrong because I always follow my intuition.


Thanks for your hard workcomfort
I read throughout the stuff you shared with us, it really made the sense...Yep,you are right,and I agreed with it totally,even I did not ever experience any situation you encountered or noticed.But I heard of many stories same as you told. In China,usually,a man hardly marry with a woman who has child.
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Dec 27, 2009 1:02 AM CST How hard is it really, to find someone willing to date a single mom?
BlueEyedJ
BlueEyedJBlueEyedJFlanders, New Jersey USA5 Threads 2 Polls 55 Posts
Can't be that hard, a woman as beautiful as you. Try a single dad, but don't limit yourself to them.
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