I wanted to share my poem with everyone. Do you like it? ( Archived) (15)

Title: Just call...

I was sitting here thinking
of the words I want to say,
but they just wouldn't come out right-
so I found a different way.

I got a piece of paper
and I wrote this poem for you,
but there's no way to thank you
for everything you do.

For always being nice to me
and staying by my side,
for helping fix my problems
and never leaving me behind.

For accepting my thoughts and feelings,
though you don't always understand,
for never giving up on me
and being my best friend.

For making me laugh-
and letting me cry
and saying you'd miss me
if I were to die.

Everything you mean to me
you could never know.
In all the ways you've changed my life
I could never show.

The way you take care of me,
(you were my shining star)
and though it's so incredible
that's just the way you are.

Before I get too mushy
it's time for me to go,
but before I leave this ink-filled page
there's one thing you should know.

As long as we are living,
no matter when or where,
if you ever need me-
just call and I'll be there.

I'll climb a thousand mountains
and swim a thousand seas...
anything to be there
'cause you've been there for me.



I would like to hear your opinions. It's very important to me. I've written this 3 years ago. This is the second time I've released on a website for everybody to read it.

The words come from your heart, and it's always important in order to pass your message on to others, I believe.

However, I would get rid of colloquializms (conversational language).

It's obvious that in your poem you aspire for 'higher', ideallic and romantic language, which in my opinion is the right approach for this kind of a poem.

But I do believe that this conversational language of yours, in combination with more elevated expressions, creates the impression of a 'cheap' piece.

Exaples of colloquialisms in your poem:

-fix my problems
-Before I get too mushy
-'cause you've been there for me

I would suggest you stick to one particular style throughout your entire poem.

But...This is just a humble opinion and a mere suggestion!

Good luck and continue to explore the endless boundaries of your imagination! ;-)

Vanilla

I liked it. Came from your heart.

well..then just send me an email

Thank you Catwm. May I ask what type of poems do you like to read it?

hi my name is daniel from malta europe nice to meet u my email mrdpsaila@hotmail.com

Vanilla,

I've sent you an to see my other poems. But if you can't. I'll post others on here so you can read it...k

just to let you know your poem was lovely and was it written for someone special?. My husband used to write poems especially when he was on nite duty but sadly he never got to write one for me like he promised. As he passed away. So keep up your writing as its your words from your heart.