Marriage and Relationships (100)
Amity: Can you imagine a world without men? No crime and lots of happy, fat women.
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nanners2863: If you view marriage or relationships as something that imprisons you..then that's exactly what you will get because you start with that mind set. Past marriages/relationships (yours or your friends) should be exactly that..the past. Learn from them and leave them behind you.
oh i've learned alright....
learned to NEVER AGAIN !!!!!
lets face it... some people are the marrying type.....
im NOT one of them !!!!!
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opentuit: To me-- marriage is a completely different level of commitment. A "committed relationship" means I date only him until one of us decides we need "space" or "a break" or one decides to join the military or take a job in another city/state/country or move in with parents to go back to school full-time or w/e.
When I think about my long-term future-- 5, 10, 20+ years ahead, I might sometimes see my boyfriend in it and other times not... mostly not, to be very honest. A boyfriend is a "committed relationship," for the present time... without planning a life as a permanent pair. We each have our lives; we each have our plans; we don't work very hard at keeping our long-term plans "linked" because.... we have not committed to anything LIKE 20+years. Nice for time being, but quite temporary. I accept that.
I see living together as a cross between roommates and a "committed relationship." Living together doesn't change the mental mindset that we may well not be together in 5 or 10 or 20 years, soooo we keep our plans open to that very reasonable possibility. It does not include a real, life-long commitment to consider our lives as a pair.... we plan individually, as in "maybe if our individual plans and dreams coincide repeatedly, then cool... we might still be together next year and even the year after."
For me-- a "committed relationship" says, "This is nice.... and we'll see."
Marriage says, "This is IT."
When I think about my long-term future-- 5, 10, 20+ years ahead, I might sometimes see my boyfriend in it and other times not... mostly not, to be very honest. A boyfriend is a "committed relationship," for the present time... without planning a life as a permanent pair. We each have our lives; we each have our plans; we don't work very hard at keeping our long-term plans "linked" because.... we have not committed to anything LIKE 20+years. Nice for time being, but quite temporary. I accept that.
I see living together as a cross between roommates and a "committed relationship." Living together doesn't change the mental mindset that we may well not be together in 5 or 10 or 20 years, soooo we keep our plans open to that very reasonable possibility. It does not include a real, life-long commitment to consider our lives as a pair.... we plan individually, as in "maybe if our individual plans and dreams coincide repeatedly, then cool... we might still be together next year and even the year after."
For me-- a "committed relationship" says, "This is nice.... and we'll see."
Marriage says, "This is IT."
well put and i agree..... question is are most people looking for the "this is IT" or the "this is nice.... and we'll see"
#2 sounds perfectly good to me !!!!!!!!
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What would you know about either...PLEASE!!! 
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robsantiago15: And lots of lesbians too... I'm pretty sure you wouldn't be happy with that thought.
why not..
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Amity: why not..
well.... PMS for one !!!!!
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MetalMilitia: well put and i agree..... question is are most people looking for the "this is IT" or the "this is nice.... and we'll see"#2 sounds perfectly good to me !!!!!!!!
Nothing wrong with seeking either of these, but it's important not to mistake one for other. Of course, ideally, both people are seeking the same thing from the relationship.
Where it can be complicated is that "This is nice... and we'll see" CAN lead to "This is it" for people who are open to the idea of marriage. And sometimes only one of the two parties involved is open to that possibility. For some, marriage-readiness is a matter of life stages. I mean, marriage was the last thing I wanted when I was fresh out of my divorce! But that was six years. About a year ago, I became aware of a change in myself, an emerging readiness to build a life with a true partner.
Just as you (quite properly) won't date someone who is on a "marriage path," just as I wouldn't for several years, NOW I won't continue dating someone who has clearly communicated (or demonstrated) fear of or general opposition to the concept of marriage. It would be counter-productive for me to allow myself to fall in love with someone who is so unlikely to ever want of his own will to marry me... because, to be honest, I would not feel that he has the depth of love for me and commitment to US as a unified pair... that I want in my life. It would be a set-up for some deep hurting for me down the road. I just won't do that to myself.
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MetalMilitia: well.... PMS for one !!!!!
apparently there is a new cure for this...scientist say a small does of prozac can eliminate PMS.
I am soo gonna be a prozac princess
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opentuit: To me-- marriage is a completely different level of commitment. A "committed relationship" means I date only him until one of us decides we need "space" or "a break" or one decides to join the military or take a job in another city/state/country or move in with parents to go back to school full-time or w/e.
When I think about my long-term future-- 5, 10, 20+ years ahead, I might sometimes see my boyfriend in it and other times not... mostly not, to be very honest. A boyfriend is a "committed relationship," for the present time... without planning a life as a permanent pair. We each have our lives; we each have our plans; we don't work very hard at keeping our long-term plans "linked" because.... we have not committed to anything LIKE 20+years. Nice for time being, but quite temporary. I accept that.
I see living together as a cross between roommates and a "committed relationship." Living together doesn't change the mental mindset that we may well not be together in 5 or 10 or 20 years, soooo we keep our plans open to that very reasonable possibility. It does not include a real, life-long commitment to consider our lives as a pair.... we plan individually, as in "maybe if our individual plans and dreams coincide repeatedly, then cool... we might still be together next year and even the year after."
For me-- a "committed relationship" says, "This is nice.... and we'll see."
Marriage says, "This is IT."
When I think about my long-term future-- 5, 10, 20+ years ahead, I might sometimes see my boyfriend in it and other times not... mostly not, to be very honest. A boyfriend is a "committed relationship," for the present time... without planning a life as a permanent pair. We each have our lives; we each have our plans; we don't work very hard at keeping our long-term plans "linked" because.... we have not committed to anything LIKE 20+years. Nice for time being, but quite temporary. I accept that.
I see living together as a cross between roommates and a "committed relationship." Living together doesn't change the mental mindset that we may well not be together in 5 or 10 or 20 years, soooo we keep our plans open to that very reasonable possibility. It does not include a real, life-long commitment to consider our lives as a pair.... we plan individually, as in "maybe if our individual plans and dreams coincide repeatedly, then cool... we might still be together next year and even the year after."
For me-- a "committed relationship" says, "This is nice.... and we'll see."
Marriage says, "This is IT."
Brilliant, Open. In my opinion, by far the best post in this thread thus far.
MM/SND initiating a thoughtful thread. Perhaps cows can develop wings and perform calculus?
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opentuit: Nothing wrong with seeking either of these, but it's important not to mistake one for other. Of course, ideally, both people are seeking the same thing from the relationship.
Where it can be complicated is that "This is nice... and we'll see" CAN lead to "This is it" for people who are open to the idea of marriage. And sometimes only one of the two parties involved is open to that possibility. For some, marriage-readiness is a matter of life stages. I mean, marriage was the last thing I wanted when I was fresh out of my divorce! But that was six years. About a year ago, I became aware of a change in myself, an emerging readiness to build a life with a true partner.
Just as you (quite properly) won't date someone who is on a "marriage path," just as I wouldn't for several years, NOW I won't continue dating someone who has clearly communicated (or demonstrated) fear of or general opposition to the concept of marriage. It would be counter-productive for me to allow myself to fall in love with someone who is so unlikely to ever want of his own will to marry me... because, to be honest, I would not feel that he has the depth of love for me and commitment to US as a unified pair... that I want in my life. It would be a set-up for some deep hurting for me down the road. I just won't do that to myself.
Where it can be complicated is that "This is nice... and we'll see" CAN lead to "This is it" for people who are open to the idea of marriage. And sometimes only one of the two parties involved is open to that possibility. For some, marriage-readiness is a matter of life stages. I mean, marriage was the last thing I wanted when I was fresh out of my divorce! But that was six years. About a year ago, I became aware of a change in myself, an emerging readiness to build a life with a true partner.
Just as you (quite properly) won't date someone who is on a "marriage path," just as I wouldn't for several years, NOW I won't continue dating someone who has clearly communicated (or demonstrated) fear of or general opposition to the concept of marriage. It would be counter-productive for me to allow myself to fall in love with someone who is so unlikely to ever want of his own will to marry me... because, to be honest, I would not feel that he has the depth of love for me and commitment to US as a unified pair... that I want in my life. It would be a set-up for some deep hurting for me down the road. I just won't do that to myself.
agreed....
especially the part about both people being on the same page.... which brings me to my current dating philosphy....
women who are willing to "this is nice... we'll see" ONLY are rare (and im assuming guys are too... i just have a thing about dating dudes.... kinda against my religion)... therefore, i find it unlikely if not downright impossible that i will ever date one chick under said premise.... thus, i might as well have fun, play around and get my needs met (safely and legally of course) until my plumbing stops working at which point i can just play chess in the park !!!!
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Amity: apparently there is a new cure for this...scientist say a small does of prozac can eliminate PMS.
I am soo gonna be a prozac princess
I am soo gonna be a prozac princess
there ya go..... a world full of non-PMS'ing chicks high as kites.....
im soooo glad i wouldnt be around to see that !!!!!
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Ambrose2007: Brilliant, Open. In my opinion, by far the best post in this thread thus far.
MM/SND initiating a thoughtful thread. Perhaps cows can develop wings and perform calculus?
MM/SND initiating a thoughtful thread. Perhaps cows can develop wings and perform calculus?
dude... you are waaaaayyyyy behind.... we now have pigs designing NASA's latest space shuttles !!!!!
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MetalMilitia: dude... you are waaaaayyyyy behind.... we now have pigs designing NASA's latest space shuttles !!!!!
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opentuit: Nothing wrong with seeking either of these, but it's important not to mistake one for other. Of course, ideally, both people are seeking the same thing from the relationship.
Where it can be complicated is that "This is nice... and we'll see" CAN lead to "This is it" for people who are open to the idea of marriage. And sometimes only one of the two parties involved is open to that possibility. For some, marriage-readiness is a matter of life stages. I mean, marriage was the last thing I wanted when I was fresh out of my divorce! But that was six years. About a year ago, I became aware of a change in myself, an emerging readiness to build a life with a true partner.
Just as you (quite properly) won't date someone who is on a "marriage path," just as I wouldn't for several years, NOW I won't continue dating someone who has clearly communicated (or demonstrated) fear of or general opposition to the concept of marriage. It would be counter-productive for me to allow myself to fall in love with someone who is so unlikely to ever want of his own will to marry me... because, to be honest, I would not feel that he has the depth of love for me and commitment to US as a unified pair... that I want in my life. It would be a set-up for some deep hurting for me down the road. I just won't do that to myself.
Where it can be complicated is that "This is nice... and we'll see" CAN lead to "This is it" for people who are open to the idea of marriage. And sometimes only one of the two parties involved is open to that possibility. For some, marriage-readiness is a matter of life stages. I mean, marriage was the last thing I wanted when I was fresh out of my divorce! But that was six years. About a year ago, I became aware of a change in myself, an emerging readiness to build a life with a true partner.
Just as you (quite properly) won't date someone who is on a "marriage path," just as I wouldn't for several years, NOW I won't continue dating someone who has clearly communicated (or demonstrated) fear of or general opposition to the concept of marriage. It would be counter-productive for me to allow myself to fall in love with someone who is so unlikely to ever want of his own will to marry me... because, to be honest, I would not feel that he has the depth of love for me and commitment to US as a unified pair... that I want in my life. It would be a set-up for some deep hurting for me down the road. I just won't do that to myself.
Wow. You're really on a roll today, Open!
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venusenvy: In other words nothing...Sooo youve started a thread on a subject that you know less than nothing about. Like the sound of your own voice much???
hell yeah.... its not whinney and everything makes sense !!!!!
how could i not like it??????
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Ambrose2007: Wow. You're really on a roll today, Open!
For me, I've never been into casual dating. I would only want to date someone I felt I could marry (same with GG). That doesn't mean, contra MM, that I would expect to know that I'd want to marry someone right away, or that I wouldn't allow for a natural discovery process; it simply means that my goal is marriage.
At some point, when it becomes clear that my girlfriend is not someone I would marry, then I would end our romantic relationship.
I should add, as a personal note, that I've known GG for nearly three years, and we have not yet committed to marriage. If I didn't believe she was "marriage material," however, we wouldn't still be together. She feels likewise.
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Marriage can be a great success with the right partner.
p/s but i also feel okay for the ones who just like the commitment relation ... as it is at your choice,...
p/s but i also feel okay for the ones who just like the commitment relation ... as it is at your choice,...
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kcuc0574: Marriage can be a great success with the right partner.
p/s but i also feel okay for the ones who just like the commitment relation ... as it is at your choice,...
p/s but i also feel okay for the ones who just like the commitment relation ... as it is at your choice,...
well... anything can be a success with the right person so yup i agree with ya ma'am....
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MetalMilitia: well... i wanna say something smart but im afraid i just cant follow THAT.... i'd look even stupider trying so..... yeah... what HE said !!!
You mean...you avoid serious relationships because you're afraid of being hurt?
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When I think about my long-term future-- 5, 10, 20+ years ahead, I might sometimes see my boyfriend in it and other times not... mostly not, to be very honest. A boyfriend is a "committed relationship," for the present time... without planning a life as a permanent pair. We each have our lives; we each have our plans; we don't work very hard at keeping our long-term plans "linked" because.... we have not committed to anything LIKE 20+years. Nice for time being, but quite temporary. I accept that.
I see living together as a cross between roommates and a "committed relationship." Living together doesn't change the mental mindset that we may well not be together in 5 or 10 or 20 years, soooo we keep our plans open to that very reasonable possibility. It does not include a real, life-long commitment to consider our lives as a pair.... we plan individually, as in "maybe if our individual plans and dreams coincide repeatedly, then cool... we might still be together next year and even the year after."
For me-- a "committed relationship" says, "This is nice.... and we'll see."
Marriage says, "This is IT."