Modern Family Portrait:Mom,Child&Plastic Dad.... (126)
AtwoZunknown, Halland Sweden199 Threads 1,699 PostsAmity: To be honest...i would think it would be harder to learn you have a dad that doesn't care about you!!!
Amity,-can´t answer that..But,-when studies actually show,that kids are getting ill,-why not question it..A child´s wellbeing is more important than some single person´s desire to become a parent....------ This thread is Archived ------
Amity: To be honest...i would think it would be harder to learn you have a dad that doesn't care about you!!!
You are so right Amity. I don't know who my biological father is because my bio mother slept around. She abandoned me after 10 days. Her brother adopted me and I called him daddy.
Years later, when I was an adult, he and I had an argument and he said he was sorry he adopted me.
Talk about cutting like a knife.
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Snuggs09: You are so right Amity. I don't know who my biological father is because my bio mother slept around. She abandoned me after 10 days. Her brother adopted me and I called him daddy.
Years later, when I was an adult, he and I had an argument and he said he was sorry he adopted me.
Talk about cutting like a knife.
Years later, when I was an adult, he and I had an argument and he said he was sorry he adopted me.
Talk about cutting like a knife.
Bless your heart. Thats sooo sad 
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Snuggs09: You are so right Amity. I don't know who my biological father is because my bio mother slept around. She abandoned me after 10 days. Her brother adopted me and I called him daddy.
Years later, when I was an adult, he and I had an argument and he said he was sorry he adopted me.
Talk about cutting like a knife.
Good to hear&see that you´ve done well...And you´re brave telling this.....Years later, when I was an adult, he and I had an argument and he said he was sorry he adopted me.
Talk about cutting like a knife.
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AtwoZ: But if the children suffer?What then?
I know what you mean,but disagree...
So far,the world has moved forward thank´s to "traditional" family relations,why experiment with it?
I know what you mean,but disagree...
So far,the world has moved forward thank´s to "traditional" family relations,why experiment with it?
Yes, absolutely some chidren suffer, but non-traditional families don't have the monopoly on messing up their kids heads.
Atrocious things, or a little less than perfect things and everything else inbetween can happen in all families. If you're going to compare, then it should be a fair comparison, which your OP is not.
A handbook does not fall out with the placenta. As parents we all make mistakes, but that's hard for many to admit, partly beacause the last thing we want to do is harm our children and partly because parenting is kind of considered sacred.
The autonomy of parenting need not, however, be threatened by the availability of education, advice and support. If this were more widely available then perhaps, as parents we would have more options at our disposal for dealing with all aspects of parenting regardless of the family structure.
When you suggest that family structure remain traditional, to what tradition do you refer? A thousand years ago? Two thousand? Or just traditional to your own personal childhood?
If your family environment was a happy one, I'm pleased for you, but my greatest parenting ambition has been to move forward an evolve as much as I possibly can from the way that I was parented.
I've had to do that on my own. I will continue, no doubt, to do that on my own. If you chose to do something different, that's your business, but I will not sacrifice my daughter's well being just to conform with your idea of how many people there should be in a family unit and who they should be.
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TrueBlue1986: How much worse does the economy, the environment and social conditions in general need to get before this prevailing, yet rootless and isolated attitude is discarded?
Unbeliavable,-just everything you write is completely true...Yes,how far will it go,and where will this liberal abra kadabra end?
What´s next?
Child marriage?
Animal marriage?
How far shall the decay be stretched?
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jac379: Yes, absolutely some chidren suffer, but non-traditional families don't have the monopoly on messing up their kids heads.
Atrocious things, or a little less than perfect things and everything else inbetween can happen in all families. If you're going to compare, then it should be a fair comparison, which your OP is not.
A handbook does not fall out with the placenta. As parents we all make mistakes, but that's hard for many to admit, partly beacause the last thing we want to do is harm our children and partly because parenting is kind of considered sacred.
The autonomy of parenting need not, however, be threatened by the availability of education, advice and support. If this were more widely available then perhaps, as parents we would have more options at our disposal for dealing with all aspects of parenting regardless of the family structure.
When you suggest that family structure remain traditional, to what tradition do you refer? A thousand years ago? Two thousand? Or just traditional to your own personal childhood?
If your family environment was a happy one, I'm pleased for you, but my greatest parenting ambition has been to move forward an evolve as much as I possibly can from the way that I was parented.
I've had to do that on my own. I will continue, no doubt, to do that on my own. If you chose to do something different, that's your business, but I will not sacrifice my daughter's well being just to conform with your idea of how many people there should be in a family unit and who they should be.
Traditional,-in terms of mom,dad and children....What´s so wrong with that?Atrocious things, or a little less than perfect things and everything else inbetween can happen in all families. If you're going to compare, then it should be a fair comparison, which your OP is not.
A handbook does not fall out with the placenta. As parents we all make mistakes, but that's hard for many to admit, partly beacause the last thing we want to do is harm our children and partly because parenting is kind of considered sacred.
The autonomy of parenting need not, however, be threatened by the availability of education, advice and support. If this were more widely available then perhaps, as parents we would have more options at our disposal for dealing with all aspects of parenting regardless of the family structure.
When you suggest that family structure remain traditional, to what tradition do you refer? A thousand years ago? Two thousand? Or just traditional to your own personal childhood?
If your family environment was a happy one, I'm pleased for you, but my greatest parenting ambition has been to move forward an evolve as much as I possibly can from the way that I was parented.
I've had to do that on my own. I will continue, no doubt, to do that on my own. If you chose to do something different, that's your business, but I will not sacrifice my daughter's well being just to conform with your idea of how many people there should be in a family unit and who they should be.
My dad was not a perfect one,far from it,he spent most time behind bars,-but at least I knew who it was....And that reminds of who I am...In my opinion,that´s important...
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well,
I can only speak for myself.
my dad left us when I was 5 years old. I saw him every saturday since then but there was no love bond between us.
since the age of 13 I haven't seen him since and that's okay. I know who he is and where he lives.
I never would have thought I would be a single mum too. but I am glad my wee girl knows who her father is. my ex and I are not in speaking terms anymore and I must admit I find it difficult to let my girl have contact with him. but, she has the right to see her father whenever she wants. and vice versa but my ex is not too keen on it.
in cases of emergency, I know where my dad lives so if I have questions, I know where to find him.
same goes for my girl.
when I did not have my girl or my ex yet, I played with the thought of getting inseminated. but the idea of not knowing the father held me back. but that has been a personal choice.
I would not do it myself.
I understand women who do make that choice allthough I might disagree in some situations.
good thread AtwoZ.
I can only speak for myself.
my dad left us when I was 5 years old. I saw him every saturday since then but there was no love bond between us.
since the age of 13 I haven't seen him since and that's okay. I know who he is and where he lives.
I never would have thought I would be a single mum too. but I am glad my wee girl knows who her father is. my ex and I are not in speaking terms anymore and I must admit I find it difficult to let my girl have contact with him. but, she has the right to see her father whenever she wants. and vice versa but my ex is not too keen on it.
in cases of emergency, I know where my dad lives so if I have questions, I know where to find him.
same goes for my girl.
when I did not have my girl or my ex yet, I played with the thought of getting inseminated. but the idea of not knowing the father held me back. but that has been a personal choice.
I would not do it myself.
I understand women who do make that choice allthough I might disagree in some situations.
good thread AtwoZ.
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TrueBlue1986: Having kids has become a matter of convenience - this issue is just an aspect of this underlying ethic.
Hmmm...convenient? That's not quite the word I'd use regarding pregnancy, labour, childbirth and being covered in puke and poo.
BTW, I'm typing with one finger, very, very slowly, whilst sitting in a really strange postion with a three month old baby asleep on my lap.
Its hardly convenient.
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carenza: well,
I can only speak for myself.
my dad left us when I was 5 years old. I saw him every saturday since then but there was no love bond between us.
since the age of 13 I haven't seen him since and that's okay. I know who he is and where he lives.
I never would have thought I would be a single mum too. but I am glad my wee girl knows who her father is. my ex and I are not in speaking terms anymore and I must admit I find it difficult to let my girl have contact with him. but, she has the right to see her father whenever she wants. and vice versa but my ex is not too keen on it.
in cases of emergency, I know where my dad lives so if I have questions, I know where to find him.
same goes for my girl.
when I did not have my girl or my ex yet, I played with the thought of getting inseminated. but the idea of not knowing the father held me back. but that has been a personal choice.
I would not do it myself.
I understand women who do make that choice allthough I might disagree in some situations.
good thread AtwoZ.
Thank´s handsome!!!I can only speak for myself.
my dad left us when I was 5 years old. I saw him every saturday since then but there was no love bond between us.
since the age of 13 I haven't seen him since and that's okay. I know who he is and where he lives.
I never would have thought I would be a single mum too. but I am glad my wee girl knows who her father is. my ex and I are not in speaking terms anymore and I must admit I find it difficult to let my girl have contact with him. but, she has the right to see her father whenever she wants. and vice versa but my ex is not too keen on it.
in cases of emergency, I know where my dad lives so if I have questions, I know where to find him.
same goes for my girl.
when I did not have my girl or my ex yet, I played with the thought of getting inseminated. but the idea of not knowing the father held me back. but that has been a personal choice.
I would not do it myself.
I understand women who do make that choice allthough I might disagree in some situations.
good thread AtwoZ.
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I was raised with both parents.....what a freaking mess!
My child came first, so I was a single mother.
My child came first, so I was a single mother.
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I can't exactly say that having a "traditional family" (one dad and one mom) was all that great. Granted my parents loved one another but could not stand being with one another. Fights, arguments, ignoring one another. They divorced when I was 5/6 and in between I had two step-fathers, numerous step-siblings and then my parents remarried when I was around 12/13 and separated after my oldest son was born and finally divorced when my youngest was 2/3.
Not exactly the greatest endorsement for marriage and the worst excuse I ever heard from my parents was the classic "We are staying together for the children." That's is a sad, sad reason.
In-vitro fertilization can be a good thing for those who cannot conceive or for those women who have reached their financial goals and want to start a family but have no partner. It's not like it is a cheap procedure or that it is easy to do.
As for myself, I raised my children without a partner for some years (their dads did not want to be dads) and then with my ex-husband and his children. Neither situation was perfect for any of us and my children (mine and his) seem to have come out just fine.
Not exactly the greatest endorsement for marriage and the worst excuse I ever heard from my parents was the classic "We are staying together for the children." That's is a sad, sad reason.
In-vitro fertilization can be a good thing for those who cannot conceive or for those women who have reached their financial goals and want to start a family but have no partner. It's not like it is a cheap procedure or that it is easy to do.
As for myself, I raised my children without a partner for some years (their dads did not want to be dads) and then with my ex-husband and his children. Neither situation was perfect for any of us and my children (mine and his) seem to have come out just fine.
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AtwoZ: Or vice versa!What´s wrong with norms?
"Norms" force people to try and conform to unrealistic ideals. Thank goodness the Beaver Cleaver age is over
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amahlala: I can't exactly say that having a "traditional family" (one dad and one mom) was all that great. Granted my parents loved one another but could not stand being with one another. Fights, arguments, ignoring one another. They divorced when I was 5/6 and in between I had two step-fathers, numerous step-siblings and then my parents remarried when I was around 12/13 and separated after my oldest son was born and finally divorced when my youngest was 2/3.
Not exactly the greatest endorsement for marriage and the worst excuse I ever heard from my parents was the classic "We are staying together for the children." That's is a sad, sad reason.
In-vitro fertilization can be a good thing for those who cannot conceive or for those women who have reached their financial goals and want to start a family but have no partner. It's not like it is a cheap procedure or that it is easy to do.
As for myself, I raised my children without a partner for some years (their dads did not want to be dads) and then with my ex-husband and his children. Neither situation was perfect for any of us and my children (mine and his) seem to have come out just fine.
Of course,-there´s no guarantees,that a family shall be successful....I know all about this,-but,-I know what I am,and what made me the person I am.....Not exactly the greatest endorsement for marriage and the worst excuse I ever heard from my parents was the classic "We are staying together for the children." That's is a sad, sad reason.
In-vitro fertilization can be a good thing for those who cannot conceive or for those women who have reached their financial goals and want to start a family but have no partner. It's not like it is a cheap procedure or that it is easy to do.
As for myself, I raised my children without a partner for some years (their dads did not want to be dads) and then with my ex-husband and his children. Neither situation was perfect for any of us and my children (mine and his) seem to have come out just fine.
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venusenvy: "Norms" force people to try and conform to unrealistic ideals. Thank goodness the Beaver Cleaver age is over
VE,-i disagree...And who says that the "Beaver Cleaver" was "wrong"...We don´t know yet.....
Maybe this "new" way of thinking,-liberalism,everything goes,-will show to be disastrous in a future to come.....Who knows?
I´m ultra-conservative,so I do believe in traditional family values,-but that´s only me,-everyone has the right to have their opinions...
Thank´s for inputs....
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AtwoZ: That´s what I asked!
But again,-if children in a later stage actually gets psycic ill,-shouldn´t it be questioned?
Single,yes,-so what?Not acceptable?
What do you mean?
But again,-if children in a later stage actually gets psycic ill,-shouldn´t it be questioned?
Single,yes,-so what?Not acceptable?
What do you mean?
No one person has total control over another's life.
I asked my daughter a year ago, or so if she had had a happy childhood. A big smile spread across her face and she said, "It was awesome!"
Now this rather suprised me, as I know that her father letting her down did untold damage psychologically, as did lots of prejudice that she experienced in school. I didn't always handle things as well as I could in reterospect (Oh what a wonderful thing reterospect is!)
She obviously sees her time with me as being seperate and there were enough good times (even though we had little money and she never had the stuff that other kids had) to counterbalance the bad times. She had my undivided attention and much of my time.
So, given that there are many influences on a child, what we should be questioning is how we can make things better in all aspects of their lives. That means personal responsibility whether you're a mother, a father, a teacher, whatever. I can only take responsibility for my bit. I cannot force anyone else to do the same. I can only pick up the pieces.
To create a healthy environment for a child is far more to do with behaviour that the physical mechanics of their conception, or the structure of the family.
Its about playing, communicating, care and affection. Its about finding the best way to handle each situation as it arises. Very little of it is predictable.
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AtwoZ: VE,-i disagree...And who says that the "Beaver Cleaver" was "wrong"...
We don´t know yet.....
Maybe this "new" way of thinking,-liberalism,everything goes,-will show to be disastrous in a future to come.....Who knows?
I´m ultra-conservative,so I do believe in traditional family values,-but that´s only me,-everyone has the right to have their opinions...
Thank´s for inputs....
We don´t know yet.....
Maybe this "new" way of thinking,-liberalism,everything goes,-will show to be disastrous in a future to come.....Who knows?
I´m ultra-conservative,so I do believe in traditional family values,-but that´s only me,-everyone has the right to have their opinions...
Thank´s for inputs....
Yes, and the Brady Bunch too. My daughter's children (girls) thought that their life should be like the Brady Bunch children. My sister had her hands full with those kids cause they wanted to be like the Brady Bunch. My sister hard time convincing them that what was on television was make believe. One of those children is 42 years old and has one child out of wedlock. The other girl married someone of questionable integrity and has two children who are no longer little kids but still out of control.
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jac379: No one person has total control over another's life.
I asked my daughter a year ago, or so if she had had a happy childhood. A big smile spread across her face and she said, "It was awesome!"
Now this rather suprised me, as I know that her father letting her down did untold damage psychologically, as did lots of prejudice that she experienced in school. I didn't always handle things as well as I could in reterospect (Oh what a wonderful thing reterospect is!)
She obviously sees her time with me as being seperate and there were enough good times (even though we had little money and she never had the stuff that other kids had) to counterbalance the bad times. She had my undivided attention and much of my time.
So, given that there are many influences on a child, what we should be questioning is how we can make things better in all aspects of their lives. That means personal responsibility whether you're a mother, a father, a teacher, whatever. I can only take responsibility for my bit. I cannot force anyone else to do the same. I can only pick up the pieces.
To create a healthy environment for a child is far more to do with behaviour that the physical mechanics of their conception, or the structure of the family.
Its about playing, communicating, care and affection. Its about finding the best way to handle each situation as it arises. Very little of it is predictable.
Sad to hear that she was facing prejudice in school,-why?Not my business though...Yes,there´s many influences on a child,-but IF,a marriage between parents works well,-That has to be the best way for a child to grow up....Of course,we never know what happens along the way,-but IF it works,-that´s the best for any child...I asked my daughter a year ago, or so if she had had a happy childhood. A big smile spread across her face and she said, "It was awesome!"
Now this rather suprised me, as I know that her father letting her down did untold damage psychologically, as did lots of prejudice that she experienced in school. I didn't always handle things as well as I could in reterospect (Oh what a wonderful thing reterospect is!)
She obviously sees her time with me as being seperate and there were enough good times (even though we had little money and she never had the stuff that other kids had) to counterbalance the bad times. She had my undivided attention and much of my time.
So, given that there are many influences on a child, what we should be questioning is how we can make things better in all aspects of their lives. That means personal responsibility whether you're a mother, a father, a teacher, whatever. I can only take responsibility for my bit. I cannot force anyone else to do the same. I can only pick up the pieces.
To create a healthy environment for a child is far more to do with behaviour that the physical mechanics of their conception, or the structure of the family.
Its about playing, communicating, care and affection. Its about finding the best way to handle each situation as it arises. Very little of it is predictable.
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AtwoZ: VE,-i disagree...And who says that the "Beaver Cleaver" was "wrong"...
We don´t know yet.....
Maybe this "new" way of thinking,-liberalism,everything goes,-will show to be disastrous in a future to come.....Who knows?
I´m ultra-conservative,so I do believe in traditional family values,-but that´s only me,-everyone has the right to have their opinions...
Thank´s for inputs....
We don´t know yet.....
Maybe this "new" way of thinking,-liberalism,everything goes,-will show to be disastrous in a future to come.....Who knows?
I´m ultra-conservative,so I do believe in traditional family values,-but that´s only me,-everyone has the right to have their opinions...
Thank´s for inputs....
It created a very dangerous and unreal expectation is what...Those ideals were out of touch with reality and caused terrible damage in trying to force conformity.
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AtwoZ: Jac,a good post..However,-a "real" dad´s at least a "real" dad,no matter what.I was raised by mom myself,and hardly saw dad,but at least I knew who he was,-and that counts...
I've just realised that I misinterpreted your comment.
A real dad to me is one that takes responsibility for his child, financially, practically and emotionally.
A test tube baby might not know their "father", but neither do some conventionally conceived children.
Some children are better off not knowing their fathers.
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