You may live in Alberta if,... (25)

Jul 10, 2011 9:10 PM CST You may live in Alberta if,...
A_Non_A_Moose
A_Non_A_MooseA_Non_A_MooseWestlock, Alberta Canada116 Threads 8 Polls 4,340 Posts
Okay, so every province has its stereotype that has been assigned, and the usual assignment to Alberta is either oil-related, F#@k$&g A%%holes, or redneck related. To a degree, it has been earned,...but trust me, we are not ALL like that! Really! (Okay Tourism Alberta, you best be cutting me a checque! Hell, I even managed to say it with a straight face!)

Alberta Jokes
Here's what Jeff Foxworthy (American comedian) has to say about Albertans:

If your local Dairy Queen is closed from September through May, you live in Alberta.

If someone in a Home Depot store offers you assistance and they don'twork there, you live in Alberta.

If you've worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you live in Alberta.

If you've had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed awrong number, you live in Alberta.

If "Vacation" means going anywhere south of Edmonton for the weekend,you live in Alberta.

If you measure distance in hours, you live in Alberta.

If you know several people who have hit a deer more than once, you livein Alberta. (Note from me,...it is really difficult to hit a moose more than once!)

If you have switched from "heat" to "air conditioning" and back again inthe same day, you live in Alberta.

If you can drive 75 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzardwithout flinching, you live in Alberta

If you install security lights on your house and garage, but leave bothunlocked, you live in Alberta.

If you carry jumper cables in your car and your wife knows how to use them,you live in Alberta .

If you design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit, youlive in Alberta.

If driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled withsnow, you live in Alberta.

If you know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and road construction, you live in Alberta.

If you have more miles on your snow blower than your car, you live in Alberta.

If you find 10 degrees Fahrenheit "a little chilly", you live in Alberta.If you actually understand these jokes, you live in Alberta.
Jul 10, 2011 10:30 PM CST You may live in Alberta if,...
summja
summjasummjaKingston, Ontario Canada42 Posts
Although an Ontarian, still very true and funny. My favourite by far is "If you install security lights on your house and garage, but leave bothunlocked, you live in Alberta." Oh how true it is...
Jul 10, 2011 10:33 PM CST You may live in Alberta if,...
A_Non_A_Moose
A_Non_A_MooseA_Non_A_MooseWestlock, Alberta Canada116 Threads 8 Polls 4,340 Posts
summja: Although an Ontarian, still very true and funny. My favourite by far is "If you install security lights on your house and garage, but leave bothunlocked, you live in Alberta." Oh how true it is...


grin Yes it is,...we never lock the doors here. If they want in, they'll get in,...so why have them bust down the door. Just let them walk straight in so I can get a clean shot off!rolling on the floor laughing

Nice to meet you!
Jul 10, 2011 11:30 PM CST You may live in Alberta if,...
langleygirl
langleygirllangleygirlWestlock, Alberta Canada70 Threads 8,202 Posts
A_Non_A_Moose: Yes it is,...we never lock the doors here. If they want in, they'll get in,...so why have them bust down the door. Just let them walk straight in so I can get a clean shot off!

Nice to meet you!
Yikes, lets hope no one sleep walks in Alberta!!
Jul 10, 2011 11:35 PM CST You may live in Alberta if,...
A_Non_A_Moose
A_Non_A_MooseA_Non_A_MooseWestlock, Alberta Canada116 Threads 8 Polls 4,340 Posts
langleygirl: Yikes, lets hope no one sleep walks in Alberta!!
rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing

sleep sleep sleep grin
Jul 10, 2011 11:38 PM CST You may live in Alberta if,...
langleygirl
langleygirllangleygirlWestlock, Alberta Canada70 Threads 8,202 Posts
Or is everyone just supposed to stay in bed all night??????? wink
Jul 10, 2011 11:45 PM CST You may live in Alberta if,...
A_Non_A_Moose
A_Non_A_MooseA_Non_A_MooseWestlock, Alberta Canada116 Threads 8 Polls 4,340 Posts
langleygirl: Or is everyone just supposed to stay in bed all night???????


Exactly!grin teddybear
Dec 9, 2011 9:00 AM CST You may live in Alberta if,...
Northernlal
NorthernlalNorthernlalEdmonton, Alberta Canada5 Posts
had a good laugh reading this post. I do like winter driving because of not pot holes.

Was talking to a someone in California a couple of days ago. He said the weather where I'm going to at that time of the year is 15 to 16C. Cold. Then he corrected himself, and said well maybe not for you. I laughed and said nope, not for us - it's bikini weather. Thought the poor guy was going to drop from my comment.
Dec 11, 2011 9:30 AM CST You may live in Alberta if,...
A_Non_A_Moose
A_Non_A_MooseA_Non_A_MooseWestlock, Alberta Canada116 Threads 8 Polls 4,340 Posts
Northernlal: had a good laugh reading this post. I do like winter driving because of not pot holes.

Was talking to a someone in California a couple of days ago. He said the weather where I'm going to at that time of the year is 15 to 16C. Cold. Then he corrected himself, and said well maybe not for you. I laughed and said nope, not for us - it's bikini weather. Thought the poor guy was going to drop from my comment.


Nice to meet you! Yes,...the southern folk sure do have an interesting definition of "cold",..rolling on the floor laughing

Ah yes,...Edmonton,...I am only twice skips and a holler to the north,...and yes indeed,..."pothole" capital of Canada! grin grin
Jan 3, 2012 8:57 PM CST You may live in Alberta if,...
kidatheart
kidatheartkidatheartFruitvale, British Columbia Canada30 Threads 16,544 Posts
summja: Although an Ontarian, still very true and funny. My favourite by far is "If you install security lights on your house and garage, but leave bothunlocked, you live in Alberta." Oh how true it is...



The lights aren't for secrity, they're so you can see the icy spots on the sidewalks and driveway. Damn freezing rain, damn Alberta.mumbling
Jan 3, 2012 11:13 PM CST You may live in Alberta if,...
KHD100
KHD100KHD100Edmonton, Alberta Canada129 Threads 3 Polls 2,495 Posts
kidatheart: The lights aren't for secrity, they're so you can see the icy spots on the sidewalks and driveway. Damn freezing rain, damn Alberta.
We were having a bit of a down pour earlier ... going to have to skate to work tomorrow.
Jan 5, 2012 2:02 AM CST You may live in Alberta if,...
Brew01
Brew01Brew01Moose Jaw, Saskatchewan Canada58 Threads 1,613 Posts
langleygirl: A straight month of rain???????? Hhm what part of Surrey are you living in?


Guildford
Jan 5, 2012 9:43 AM CST You may live in Alberta if,...
A_Non_A_Moose
A_Non_A_MooseA_Non_A_MooseWestlock, Alberta Canada116 Threads 8 Polls 4,340 Posts
Happy New Year! And yup, DAMN freezing rain! Its January 5th and another day of the freezing stuff up here. HELL, they have even closed down Highway 63 to Ft. Mac because of it and they usually only close THAT highway for 20 car pile ups!rolling on the floor laughing
Jan 11, 2012 5:55 PM CST You may live in Alberta if,...
venusenvy
venusenvyvenusenvyCalgary, Alberta Canada27 Threads 20,003 Posts
Yep true dat eh cowboy
Jan 11, 2012 6:14 PM CST You may live in Alberta if,...
single4ever
single4eversingle4everCalgary, Alberta Canada1,109 Posts
A_Non_A_Moose: Yes it is,...we never lock the doors here. If they want in, they'll get in,...so why have them bust down the door. Just let them walk straight in so I can get a clean shot off!

Nice to meet you!


I have bars on my windows, break down bars, double locks on the windows, and an alarm system. Hmm, a gun sounds like a good idea. rolling on the floor laughing
Jan 11, 2012 7:11 PM CST You may live in Alberta if,...
kennn
kennnkennnMedicine Hat, Alberta Canada25 Threads 5,299 Posts
My best bud stays in the house throughout the day while I am at work and I never lock the door. He is an American Staffordshire Terrier(Pit Bull). I always say who would come into my house with my pup staring at them when they open the door. If truth were told, he would just wag his tail and want to be petted, LOL Only in Alberta!! laugh wave
Jan 13, 2012 9:38 AM CST You may live in Alberta if,...
A_Non_A_Moose
A_Non_A_MooseA_Non_A_MooseWestlock, Alberta Canada116 Threads 8 Polls 4,340 Posts
Guns have drawbacks also. A shotgun can definitely re-arrange a china cabinet. rolling on the floor laughing
Jan 20, 2012 7:26 PM CST You may live in Alberta if,...
kennn
kennnkennnMedicine Hat, Alberta Canada25 Threads 5,299 Posts
The temperature change from +10C. to -30C. over night can only happen in Alberta.moping wave canada
Jan 21, 2012 1:19 AM CST You may live in Alberta if,...
KHD100
KHD100KHD100Edmonton, Alberta Canada129 Threads 3 Polls 2,495 Posts
you may life in alberta if your dog looks at you with that "what are your fleeping nuts if you expect me to go further than the door or more than 1 or 2 steps outside to peee??????" look....
Jan 22, 2012 9:18 PM CST You may live in Alberta if,...
I3estman4u
I3estman4uI3estman4uEdmonton, Alberta Canada1 Threads 568 Posts
lol those are funny and true.

Thanks fopr the good laugh
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by A_Non_A_Moose (116 Threads)
Created: Jul 2011
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