Was the handwriting on the wall (39)
montecito: When we start out with someone new, after dating them for awhile, there usually are things you don't like about them personally or traits they have that you don't like, but you make a decision to overlook it. They have a habit that might be a serious problem but you decide, I'll see how it goes.
You convince yourself that it's not what he/she meant.
When the relationship you were in that you loved him/her the most broke up, did it turn out that the thing(s) that troubled you in the beginning were the same things that ended the relationship?
I personally saw the handwriting on the wall but because I was so much in love with him, I gave him the benefit of doubt that things weren't as they seemed. Then I knew that love was blind
Is it a good idea to trust our instincts in the beginning, saving ourselves heartbreak and money, instead of talking ourselves into giving it a chance....
You convince yourself that it's not what he/she meant.
When the relationship you were in that you loved him/her the most broke up, did it turn out that the thing(s) that troubled you in the beginning were the same things that ended the relationship?
I personally saw the handwriting on the wall but because I was so much in love with him, I gave him the benefit of doubt that things weren't as they seemed. Then I knew that love was blind
Is it a good idea to trust our instincts in the beginning, saving ourselves heartbreak and money, instead of talking ourselves into giving it a chance....
I think those little things that you noticed, but overlooked can mushroom. Then, when you hit the final straw, regardless of the reason, that little thing that you overlooked is the elephant in the room. Pretty soon you have a lot of these:
JMO
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I may have missed the point of your post? 
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montecito: When we start out with someone new, after dating them for awhile, there usually are things you don't like about them personally or traits they have that you don't like, but you make a decision to overlook it. They have a habit that might be a serious problem but you decide, I'll see how it goes.
You convince yourself that it's not what he/she meant.
When the relationship you were in that you loved him/her the most broke up, did it turn out that the thing(s) that troubled you in the beginning were the same things that ended the relationship?
I personally saw the handwriting on the wall but because I was so much in love with him, I gave him the benefit of doubt that things weren't as they seemed. Then I knew that love was blind
Is it a good idea to trust our instincts in the beginning, saving ourselves heartbreak and money, instead of talking ourselves into giving it a chance....
You convince yourself that it's not what he/she meant.
When the relationship you were in that you loved him/her the most broke up, did it turn out that the thing(s) that troubled you in the beginning were the same things that ended the relationship?
I personally saw the handwriting on the wall but because I was so much in love with him, I gave him the benefit of doubt that things weren't as they seemed. Then I knew that love was blind
Is it a good idea to trust our instincts in the beginning, saving ourselves heartbreak and money, instead of talking ourselves into giving it a chance....
Hi Monts.....I think anytime you find yourself "overlooking" things early on in a relationship, that relationship is doomed...This might sound hard hearted, but to think there will not be problems, hardships, challenges in the course of a relationship is, IMO, unrealistic...If you begin the relationship overlooking things you don't like in your partner, how are your going to weather life's problems, those inevitable problems that everyone must face from time to time?------ This thread is Archived ------
Its called grafiti 
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montecito: When we start out with someone new, after dating them for awhile, there usually are things you don't like about them personally or traits they have that you don't like, but you make a decision to overlook it. They have a habit that might be a serious problem but you decide, I'll see how it goes.
You convince yourself that it's not what he/she meant.
When the relationship you were in that you loved him/her the most broke up, did it turn out that the thing(s) that troubled you in the beginning were the same things that ended the relationship?
I personally saw the handwriting on the wall but because I was so much in love with him, I gave him the benefit of doubt that things weren't as they seemed. Then I knew that love was blind
Is it a good idea to trust our instincts in the beginning, saving ourselves heartbreak and money, instead of talking ourselves into giving it a chance....
You convince yourself that it's not what he/she meant.
When the relationship you were in that you loved him/her the most broke up, did it turn out that the thing(s) that troubled you in the beginning were the same things that ended the relationship?
I personally saw the handwriting on the wall but because I was so much in love with him, I gave him the benefit of doubt that things weren't as they seemed. Then I knew that love was blind
Is it a good idea to trust our instincts in the beginning, saving ourselves heartbreak and money, instead of talking ourselves into giving it a chance....
With my second marriage, I sometimes wished we had lived together for about a year before getting married. Because it had been a ldr before getting married, we didn't really get to know each other like we would have if we had been able to see each other on a daily basis.
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Interesting observation. Something I have not given any thought to but, you may very well be right.
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leigh2154: Hi Monts.....I think anytime you find yourself "overlooking" things early on in a relationship, that relationship is doomed...This might sound hard hearted, but to think there will not be problems, hardships, challenges in the course of a relationship is, IMO, unrealistic...If you begin the relationship overlooking things you don't like in your partner, how are your going to weather life's problems, those inevitable problems that everyone must face from time to time?
Hello Leigh
The point of the thread was to ask, was the thing that broke up your relationship the thing that bothered you when you first started dating.
In my case it was because he was a sneak who lied to me all the time and in the end he ran out on me.
I think I shouldn't have written this thread guys. I'm sorry if I've confused the peeps.
Maybe if I give a hypothetical example.
He's thinking: she spends too much money on clothes and junk and talks to her about it
She explains that she makes enough money to buy what she wants but he doesn't know that her credit cards are maxed out and now she's into the savings account
Years go by, they have a child, and she's still spending money foolishy and that put them in bankruptcy.
He saw the handwriting on the wall in the beginning.......
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Raynew1959: With my second marriage, I sometimes wished we had lived together for about a year before getting married. Because it had been a ldr before getting married, we didn't really get to know each other like we would have if we had been able to see each other on a daily basis.
Excellent Ray. Living together IMO is the way to go. You see each other on a daily basis and if it's not meant to be, you walk away without splitting property and bank accounts.
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Yes you are right by saying: Is it a good idea to trust our instincts in the beginning, saving ourselves heartbreak and money, instead of talking ourselves into giving it a chance " But it is also a universal fact that "LOVE IS BLIND"
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ZAKER: Yes you are right by saying: Is it a good idea to trust our instincts in the beginning, saving ourselves heartbreak and money, instead of talking ourselves into giving it a chance " But it is also a universal fact that "LOVE IS BLIND"
Hello Zaker......But I've heard that love is blind thing all my life and never gave any thought to what it meant. Now it seems to simple. When you love someone so much you blindly overlook all the things they do that drive you crazy. And after the fact, it made me feel like a fool. This all happened six years ago so I'm not pining for this person it was just something I thought would make for good discussion but it doesn't look that way....Oh well, we try don't we...
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Raynew1959: With my second marriage, I sometimes wished we had lived together for about a year before getting married. Because it had been a ldr before getting married, we didn't really get to know each other like we would have if we had been able to see each other on a daily basis.
One year would be a good time to get to know each other.
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montecito: Hello Leigh
The point of the thread was to ask, was the thing that broke up your relationship the thing that bothered you when you first started dating.
In my case it was because he was a sneak who lied to me all the time and in the end he ran out on me.
I think I shouldn't have written this thread guys. I'm sorry if I've confused the peeps.
Maybe if I give a hypothetical example.
He's thinking: she spends too much money on clothes and junk and talks to her about it
She explains that she makes enough money to buy what she wants but he doesn't know that her credit cards are maxed out and now she's into the savings account
Years go by, they have a child, and she's still spending money foolishy and that put them in bankruptcy.
He saw the handwriting on the wall in the beginning.......
The point of the thread was to ask, was the thing that broke up your relationship the thing that bothered you when you first started dating.
In my case it was because he was a sneak who lied to me all the time and in the end he ran out on me.
I think I shouldn't have written this thread guys. I'm sorry if I've confused the peeps.
Maybe if I give a hypothetical example.
He's thinking: she spends too much money on clothes and junk and talks to her about it
She explains that she makes enough money to buy what she wants but he doesn't know that her credit cards are maxed out and now she's into the savings account
Years go by, they have a child, and she's still spending money foolishy and that put them in bankruptcy.
He saw the handwriting on the wall in the beginning.......
I wasn't confused and wasn't going to go there.
Shelia, PeachesandCream as she was known then and I met here in the forums. Not long after the two of us started emailing and stuff, another member sent her an email saying I was talking to another as well which was not true. She sent me an email breaking things off without giving me a chance to defend myself. I sent her an email hoping she would read it and started a thread wanting to know who tried to sabotage things between Shelia and myself. Both got us back to talking even though I never found out who sent her the email.
The handwriting on the wall was right in front of me but I didn't see it until much later. It is my belief that because her first husband of 20+ years cheating on her affected her to the point where she didn't fully trust me.
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montecito: Excellent Ray. Living together IMO is the way to go. You see each other on a daily basis and if it's not meant to be, you walk away without splitting property and bank accounts.
I lost items that I had in storage, some of which had sentimental value as they had belonged to my father.
I won't loose any more items to another
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montecito: Hello Zaker......But I've heard that love is blind thing all my life and never gave any thought to what it meant. Now it seems to simple. When you love someone so much you blindly overlook all the things they do that drive you crazy. And after the fact, it made me feel like a fool. This all happened six years ago so I'm not pining for this person it was just something I thought would make for good discussion but it doesn't look that way....Oh well, we try don't we...
I think it is a good discussion thread.I havnt contibuted,purely because i never look back,thats just me.Nice to see a non political,non stirring,thread.
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When attraction evolves into true love it clears the vision to see deeper than outer attributes. We don't "fall in love" with beauty or handsomeness. We form an "attraction." Whether the attraction will have staying power is determined by the substance of the relationship.
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montecito: When we start out with someone new, after dating them for awhile, there usually are things you don't like about them personally or traits they have that you don't like, but you make a decision to overlook it. They have a habit that might be a serious problem but you decide, I'll see how it goes.
You convince yourself that it's not what he/she meant.
When the relationship you were in that you loved him/her the most broke up, did it turn out that the thing(s) that troubled you in the beginning were the same things that ended the relationship?
I personally saw the handwriting on the wall but because I was so much in love with him, I gave him the benefit of doubt that things weren't as they seemed. Then I knew that love was blind
Is it a good idea to trust our instincts in the beginning, saving ourselves heartbreak and money, instead of talking ourselves into giving it a chance....
By the same token it is easy to find ourselves being far too petty; picky, as well. Nobody is perfect, and nobody likes being nagged for what he or she thinks of as being "little" things. Hint: Very often what one partner sees as being "Big" is seen by the other as being a non-issue. I'll give a few examples--let's say she is a fastidious housekeeper--he leaves a few dishes in the sink or small hair ends from shaving in the sink. She blows up about it. You know, just take a few seconds and rinse the dish, grab a tissue and swipe out the sink. Yet it is those kinds of things that escalate. We really (myself included) must learn to overlook LOTS (people are people) if we want to succeed in relationships. There certainly are deal breakers, however,-- excessive drinking, being ill tempered all the time, etc... but for the former: remember, You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar. If you really love somebody, stop fretting on the few dishes or the sink hairs. JMOYou convince yourself that it's not what he/she meant.
When the relationship you were in that you loved him/her the most broke up, did it turn out that the thing(s) that troubled you in the beginning were the same things that ended the relationship?
I personally saw the handwriting on the wall but because I was so much in love with him, I gave him the benefit of doubt that things weren't as they seemed. Then I knew that love was blind
Is it a good idea to trust our instincts in the beginning, saving ourselves heartbreak and money, instead of talking ourselves into giving it a chance....
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Raynew1959: I lost items that I had in storage, some of which had sentimental value as they had belonged to my father.
I won't loose any more items to another
I won't loose any more items to another
I feel the same way. I'm a generous person but because of what happened I can't see myself doing that stupid again.------ This thread is Archived ------
Always trust your instincts from the beginning.
We can never save people from themselves and it's not our job as women
to fix them.
We can never save people from themselves and it's not our job as women
to fix them.
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NAKEDMUDPEOPLE: Always trust your instincts from the beginning.
We can never save people from themselves and it's not our job as women
to fix them.
We can never save people from themselves and it's not our job as women
to fix them.
(or as men, either, dear)------ This thread is Archived ------
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Created: Aug 2011
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You convince yourself that it's not what he/she meant.
When the relationship you were in that you loved him/her the most broke up, did it turn out that the thing(s) that troubled you in the beginning were the same things that ended the relationship?
I personally saw the handwriting on the wall but because I was so much in love with him, I gave him the benefit of doubt that things weren't as they seemed. Then I knew that love was blind
Is it a good idea to trust our instincts in the beginning, saving ourselves heartbreak and money, instead of talking ourselves into giving it a chance....