Being Sentimental V Being Romantic ( Archived) (55)

The surprise day out,cook a meal for her and dine by candlelight.Little gifts just left on the pillow for her,ect ect

To me, the difference between being sentimental and being romantic is not just that one is related to the past and the other is related to the present but also relates to who you have the feeling for...

For example you can be sentimental about a childhood memory, an event in the past, old photos, etc
Your child,
Your parents,
Old friends,
family,

But romantic feelings are only for a lover, a partner, a special person who you have "different" feelings towards
I mean you don't feel romantic towards your parents or children but you can be sentimental about them


OMG I thought a bit too much about that didnt I?

I've done all those things for my daughter, but that wouldn't be classed as romance.

To me, its just normal.

I think its pretty self indulgent of me when I do things like this because I gain pleasure out of someone else's pleasure.

How is that different from the self indulgence of sentimentality?

I think i see the differance as doing it for someone for whom i have special feelings differant to what one has for family or friends ect.
What you say,what you write,what your actions are,i would suggest wpould be differant to your lover as opposed to a family member or friend.

Hi jac And I agree with your post, as I too have done the exact same things for my family.

I think, perhaps unlike you, that sentimentality and romanticism are linked in that I have found the men I´ve known who are sentimental also have a romantic nature.

Out of curiosity, what would you deem to be a romantic act? I have my own opinion on this, but I´d be interested in hearing yours.

Ok, so the tone might be different for a lover as opposed to a friend, or family member, but it strikes me the difference that is criticised between sentimentality and romance is to do with self-indulgence.

Admitedly, if a friend is departed, it has no effect upon them if you keep a button, a scarf, or a dog collar. To me, its an attempt at retaining a connection with that person through a memory aid.

Having said that, maybe if the person has departed, its less self-indulgent. If we buy a gift, or do something to please another who is still around, in part we expect some kind of return for that - their pleasure, or continued interest, whatever.

Is their any such thing as true altruism and is romance any "purer" than sentimentality?

no, senitmental and being romantic are definitely not the same. I am not a romantic but I am sentimal about certain things which do not relect around love or romance.

Hi Jan

I honestly couldn't tell you that which I deem a romantic act. I'm not sure whether its a matter of semantics, or whether I'm too Aspergic to get it, or whether I'm just too cynical.

I certainly don't think making a comercial fuss over something like Valentine's, or anniversaries is romantic. I find all that kind of stuff rather cringeworthy. Its a bit like, "on such and such date you have to be nice!". Ergo, I can see the merit in sponteneity.

However, if I see a book that someone would gain pleasure from, or flowers, does it make a difference whether I have thought of a friend, family member, or lover, other than the expectation of return?

PS. Jan, I've just re-read your comment. I think romance and sentimentality are inextricably linked, as I commented earlier after reading the definitions in my Oxford.