Fathers right march (85)

No, I'm not acting stupid, I want you to clarify your questions so I may answer them because it appears to me you don't understand the concepts of victimisation, psychology in all its various aspects, feminism and many other subjects you bandy about as if everyone automatically understands what's going on inside your head.

The questions you ask appear somewhat unconnected to anything else that's going on around you, suggesting you don't understand what anyone else is saying, either.

Let's get back to the subject you raised in your OP: Do you agree the ideal is that both parents share the responsibilities and joys of caring for their child(ren)?

May I ask you, do you think that one of the contributory factors to your legal process not being easy was a cultural perception that children are best cared for by their mother?

Do you think there were other gender biases that you had to work round?

Do you think it should have been easier for you to gain custody of your children?

Are there any ways you think the system could be improved?

I can appreciate what you're saying about the changing judges. I think it happened once to me on one occasion and we might as well have not gone to court that day for the progress that was made.

Although I'm perhaps less objective being a woman and not experiencing any bias against me directly (other than its assumed everyone's a liar which I took exception to when I was soooo careful to try and be fair objective in my personal statement ), I'm open the idea that there is gender bias with respect to the family court system.

It seem logical to me, just as racial bias has had its impact in the psychology of law, so will the historical gender bias that women are automatically the primary carers. You only have to listen to the sharp intakes of breaths if a woman admits to leaving her children with their father to pursue her career (there might be tuts if a bloke does it, but there's not quite the same reaction as I see it), to realise we have certain cultural expectations about childcare.

If it is the case that there is gender bias in the family court system then it does need to change, but I agree with you and others that presenting your case effectively is entirely different from stamping your feet, or declaring platitudes in terms of effective use of the system that is already there.

no from what i have read you are not saying anything different, you clearly have your own agenda, and using the phrase i used "an ace up my sleeve" is done to make me look as bad as your daughters dad, im a good father not perfect but my son loves me and i did what it took yto make sure he was happy, and that is with a healthy relationship with both his parents where they care for him was equally shared not dominated by either one

Yes, you're absolutely right, I have an agenda and I've stated that several times now: To get beyond the stereotyping and flippant remarks and actually dig a bit deeper to look at the reasons why people react as they do in these situations.

Please forgive me the remark you took exception to, but having an ace up your sleeve and aiming towards equal parenting don't really fit together in my personal experience. The expression "Having an ace up your sleeve" smacks of an non-negotiated settlement, somehow.

Going to the family courts here is a woeful experience. The day i was there for my own separation, we were lucky enough to get a side room in which to negotiate a settlement. The majority of couples there had to make do with haggling out their arrangements on the benches in the main waiting area. Talk about a cattle market. My case took all day and finally, it went into the judge to be signed. As I sat at the back of the court room, I thought of what a pal had said...that this isnt what we thought would happen when we walked down the aisle or said "I Do" in front of a registrar.
For anyone heading there, I would advise both parties to bring a close pal along. They wont be allowed into the court room itself but its worth it to have a friendly supportive face there.
The system here is antiquated and badly in need of an overhaul. The laws are way out of touch with modern life in Ireland.
That old adage about "property being nine-tenths of the law" is unfortunately very true. On top of a distressed family, a broken relationship between mam and dad....and an uncertain future....we have to navigate a system that is adversarial..and even the best of couples will find themselves snarling before the end.
My point is that we need a route, away from the legal system....the latter can come on stream at the end, as a rubber stamp. We need a system that wold support families through this life changing crisis. Proper mediation would mean a couple being seen by a man and a woman as guides and counsellors.
Theres very little support out there and the legal eagles will only focus on the "POT" and how its to be divided up..and how much of a percentage they get. Sounds harsh but thats my experience......

So many couples are choosing not to get married and of course, the lack of rights for "unmarried" fathers has to be addressed. Its going to be an uphill struggle but we can learn from other countries, who are further down the road in this regard.

What is the actual date?