Expectation and love (28)
rizlared: Why? Isn't love all about being with someone because you "love" the way they are, not how you expect them to be??
expectations instead of expectation how I wrote it in my question...wasn't my answer
Not only in a relationship but in all aspects of the life , it's not the other ( others) who betrays us....our expectations do it .
So , when u fall in love u forget all your expectations or with other words only when u don't have expectations you will fall in love ...not sure which of them comes first
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Obstinance_Works: That's the difference between Love & Oneitis.
Love is loving everything about a person, including the things that you don't like, and subordinating your sense of expectation to your sense of commitment when things don't go your way.
Oneitis is the pedestal. Expecting/insisting that the other person is special when in fact they are not and you find yourself enthralled to illusionary perfections.. for worse or worser.
Love is loving everything about a person, including the things that you don't like, and subordinating your sense of expectation to your sense of commitment when things don't go your way.
Oneitis is the pedestal. Expecting/insisting that the other person is special when in fact they are not and you find yourself enthralled to illusionary perfections.. for worse or worser.
Love means acceptance .... there is no logic in love.....
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WoolGathering: We fall in love with somebody or with the expectation that we have from him / her ?
That's two questions, Woolgathering, and as it happens, there's two (at least) answers.
1: We fall in love with somebody. Sure. That's what everyone thinks. And why not? Why should "everybody" be wrong?
2. or with the expectation we have from him /her? Here's what complicates things. Philosopher Arthur Schopenhauer was the first to suss out that romantic, loving, lustful attraction, important and universal as it was, had never been addressed by his philosophical forebears. So he set about doing so himself. His conclusion was: we feel attracted (subconsciously) to those whose physical makeup would produce better children (than ourselves).
If Schopenhauer was right, we're all casting about for a mate whose nose is not so large/not so small, whose ears are not so wide/not so thin, whose laugh is not so loud/not so quiet, whose you-name-it it not so much, or more so.
In sum, the latter: we think we fall in love with someone because (we think) we love them. But in truth, it may be, we fall in love with them because we diagnose them as being better breeding partners.
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Dagosto: That's two questions, Woolgathering, and as it happens, there's two (at least) answers.
1: We fall in love with somebody. Sure. That's what everyone thinks. And why not? Why should "everybody" be wrong?
2. or with the expectation we have from him /her? Here's what complicates things. Philosopher Arthur Schopenhauer was the first to suss out that romantic, loving, lustful attraction, important and universal as it was, had never been addressed by his philosophical forebears. So he set about doing so himself. His conclusion was: we feel attracted (subconsciously) to those whose physical makeup would produce better children (than ourselves).
If Schopenhauer was right, we're all casting about for a mate whose nose is not so large/not so small, whose ears are not so wide/not so thin, whose laugh is not so loud/not so quiet, whose you-name-it it not so much, or more so.
In sum, the latter: we think we fall in love with someone because (we think) we love them. But in truth, it may be, we fall in love with them because we diagnose them as being better breeding partners.
1: We fall in love with somebody. Sure. That's what everyone thinks. And why not? Why should "everybody" be wrong?
2. or with the expectation we have from him /her? Here's what complicates things. Philosopher Arthur Schopenhauer was the first to suss out that romantic, loving, lustful attraction, important and universal as it was, had never been addressed by his philosophical forebears. So he set about doing so himself. His conclusion was: we feel attracted (subconsciously) to those whose physical makeup would produce better children (than ourselves).
If Schopenhauer was right, we're all casting about for a mate whose nose is not so large/not so small, whose ears are not so wide/not so thin, whose laugh is not so loud/not so quiet, whose you-name-it it not so much, or more so.
In sum, the latter: we think we fall in love with someone because (we think) we love them. But in truth, it may be, we fall in love with them because we diagnose them as being better breeding partners.
How about when we get past the point of breeding (either by virtue of age, or having fulfilled those needs, even if those needs are for no children)?
What if our criteria are not to do with fat ears, but behavioural traits when considering a parent-partner?
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jac379: How about when we get past the point of breeding (either by virtue of age, or having fulfilled those needs, even if those needs are for no children)?
What if our criteria are not to do with fat ears, but behavioural traits when considering a parent-partner?
What if our criteria are not to do with fat ears, but behavioural traits when considering a parent-partner?
Don't ask me, you attractive potential breeding partner. Ask Arthur Schopenhauer.
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Boban1: we fall inlove in the image we create in our mind about a certain person
Very true Boban ! There is also a lot of chemistry !
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fleurdelis16: Once you fall in love with expectations - that is the beginning of the end
Change expectation to acceptation and there is a chance for a great relationship.
Change expectation to acceptation and there is a chance for a great relationship.
...Very wise and well said FleurdeLis ! I think the same. Where expectations are there is no chance for love. Love is not a program but a precious gift. Have a nice day young Lady !
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Love is loving everything about a person, including the things that you don't like, and subordinating your sense of expectation to your sense of commitment when things don't go your way.
Oneitis is the pedestal. Expecting/insisting that the other person is special when in fact they are not and you find yourself enthralled to illusionary perfections.. for worse or worser.
hiya Obstinance,
i like how you said that.
much more clear than my attempt...
but when one loves another, can they really love everything about them?
or do they love another in spite of the things they don't like?
for me...and again, trying my best to be clear.
i love 'the package' which means that i understand i don't have to like everything about a person..but the things i do like exceed the things i don't like.
i believe when problems arise, one looks within the relationship for solutions, not outside of it. i think 'they' used to call that commitment...
i do understand though, that sometimes folks change, or they no longer believe their needs can be met within a particular relationship so are no longer willing to look within the relationship for solution, and then it's time to move on.