Its time... (36)

I don't say hitting back, that is not me, mj, and I do believe in understanding reasons, I will never stop believing in that, but having experienced what is it like to be a victim, I also know how one tries to keep smiling, keeps forgiving, and that does not help, trust me. No matter what was thrown at me, I tried to help because I thought something terrible must have happened to them to make them that way, and I felt for them, while they very much felt for themselves too - and I was left without anyone caring how I was going to survive THEIR behaviour (well, my family and friends cared, but I was cut off and isolated, not even allowed to talk to them).

There is no excuse, mj, for another to make you a victim. We can try understand to maybe help bullies and those who have control issues, but no matter what - they need work on themselves too, and many don't want to, because they actually enjoy being just the way they are...

I've often wondered about domestic violence, certainly the few times I have witnessed it there's been a given and a bit taken by both parties. I think I read somewhere that the most likely place you will be assaulted is in your home and the most likely person to assault you is your partner. I also have overheard this advice given by women to other women "If a man raises his hand to you should leave him" more than a few times.

I don't think I have ever heard a man say to another man "if a woman raises her hand to you then you should leave her". But I think that advice is not without merit.

I also think that if someone brings physical violence into a relationship and isn't truly sorry for doing so afterwards then they have basically declared that they think its ok to behave this way. Despite embedded moral of never hitting a woman or the embedded behaviour that fighting is not ladylike you can only push a person so far before they push back.

i understand what your saying its a built in mechanism its called survival ive hit back myself but never proud or gloated after doing it

spoken to a lot of women in my time as a bachelor domestic violence is bad in any shape or form but nothing compared to MENTAL TORTURE ,

@ mjp

Feel a need to say I truly respect your view, mj *hugs tightly* and I do like your view, it is a kind and a good stance. But because I have experienced some rather bad things, I know what it can be like to be at the receiving end of someone not in control and unwilling to put effort into control. It was not for a lack of knowing they did wrong, they KNEW, and to a degree they really could not help it, but if you keep forgiving and find excuses for them, it does not help either, that's what I was trying to say *hugs once more*

well im not here to judge anybody heard a few life stories along my travels sad really what ive heard, i think as we grow older and wiser we respect and appreciate life more and more not just our own but other peoples as well,to make mistakes is human but to forgive is divine,wish i could turn back the clock on some things myself in life but alas time and tide stands still for no mortal, live and let live and always live and learn,owning up to your own vices and faults is one giant step ,im one of the lucky ones but i feel saddened for the poor sods staring into the darkness,all so easy to stare but life is for living not for dying

There is a book in everyone.