Fear!! (42)
holiday_moodChristchurch, Canterbury New Zealand6 Threads 61 PostsWhy is it that I fear to trust new people?I have been betrayed by some people badly in the past,but now I can't get over it.I only trust myself,am I strange?
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holiday_mood: Why is it that I fear to trust new people?I have been betrayed by some people badly in the past,but now I can't get over it.I only trust myself,am I strange?
No, you're not strange.
It's very common to have trust issues due to feelings of betrayal.
You can get over this. It takes time and work and it may be difficult to see how to get past this point, but you can do it.
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No you are not strange at all, it's a natural reaction to betrayal, but staying in that space (that people can't be trusted anymore), now that is a choice on your part.
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holiday_mood: Why is it that I fear to trust new people?I have been betrayed by some people badly in the past,but now I can't get over it.I only trust myself,am I strange?
Trust can take a long time to build. It probably varies from person to person. Sometimes I find there are only a few people I can trust in this world. Over a period of time I can determine if I can trust them by seeing how consistent they are in what they say and what they do. I use common sense as well when dealing with others. There is saying called leading with the chin. I am careful not to do that, meaning I try to avoid placing myself in vulnerable situations. An example is liking lending money I don' t do it. This is even if I do trust them. I am not a bank and it would be my own fault if they didn' t pay it back because I never should have gave it to them in the first place.
Another example is related to speaking to someone in confidence. If I confide in someone I am trusting them to keep it to themselves. So if I know someone who has a tendency to gossip I wouldn' t confide in them for that very reason.
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Vongai: No you are not strange at all, it's a natural reaction to betrayal, but staying in that space (that people can't be trusted anymore), now that is a choice on your part.
And a choice people often make because it feels safer to stay in that space.
But is it?
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jac_the_gripper: No, you're not strange.
It's very common to have trust issues due to feelings of betrayal.
You can get over this. It takes time and work and it may be difficult to see how to get past this point, but you can do it.
Aww so nice of you..It's very common to have trust issues due to feelings of betrayal.
You can get over this. It takes time and work and it may be difficult to see how to get past this point, but you can do it.
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Vongai: No you are not strange at all, it's a natural reaction to betrayal, but staying in that space (that people can't be trusted anymore), now that is a choice on your part.
Yes,well said,I have isolated myself from most ppl,now I am giving more time to myself to think and analyze where I am going.I have realized that understanding oneself is really important for a better life.------ This thread is Archived ------
holiday_mood: Aww so nice of you..
My pleasure, HM.
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holiday_mood: Why is it that I fear to trust new people?I have been betrayed by some people badly in the past,but now I can't get over it.I only trust myself,am I strange?
Takes time to build trust and even then you might be let down so it's all about trusting in yourself first to acknowledge ,,,"yes not everyone can be trusted so be careful who you put your trust in and keep your wits about you but at the same time. Allow for the fact that you can renew your faith in people ,,,,if one is naturally a giver in this life it's good to be note that just as much as you give to a person unconditionally the same will be come back to you,,give and take ,, Trust in yourself is the no one priority.
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joey987: Trust can take a long time to build. It probably varies from person to person. Sometimes I find there are only a few people I can trust in this world. Over a period of time I can determine if I can trust them by seeing how consistent they are in what they say and what they do.
I use common sense as well when dealing with others. There is saying called leading with the chin. I am careful not to do that, meaning I try to avoid placing myself in vulnerable situations. An example is liking lending money I don' t do it. This is even if I do trust them. I am not a bank and it would be my own fault if they didn' t pay it back because I never should have gave it to them in the first place.
Another example is related to speaking to someone in confidence. If I confide in someone I am trusting them to keep it to themselves. So if I know someone who has a tendency to gossip I wouldn' t confide in them for that very reason.
I use common sense as well when dealing with others. There is saying called leading with the chin. I am careful not to do that, meaning I try to avoid placing myself in vulnerable situations. An example is liking lending money I don' t do it. This is even if I do trust them. I am not a bank and it would be my own fault if they didn' t pay it back because I never should have gave it to them in the first place.
Another example is related to speaking to someone in confidence. If I confide in someone I am trusting them to keep it to themselves. So if I know someone who has a tendency to gossip I wouldn' t confide in them for that very reason.
When I was young I used to feel that having many friends is really a great thing.But now I have decided to have few close friends whom I can rely upon.I have realized that out of dozens of friends that I have only 2-3 were really trust worthy and genuine.I just want to preserve them for my entire life.
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jac_the_gripper: And a choice people often make because it feels safer to stay in that space.
But is it?
It was really difficult for a person like me who almost treats everyone equally and trusts them easily,to become choosy in making friends.I feel very sad and constantly worry if my reserved behavior would hurt anyone.But is it?
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peachmelba: Takes time to build trust and even then you might be let down so it's all about trusting in yourself first to acknowledge ,,,"yes not everyone can be trusted so be careful who you put your trust in and keep your wits about you but at the same time. Allow for the fact that you can renew your faith in people ,,,,if one is naturally a giver in this life it's good to be note that just as much as you give to a person unconditionally the same will be come back to you,,give and take ,, Trust in yourself is the no one priority.
Thank you ------ This thread is Archived ------
holiday_mood: Why is it that I fear to trust new people?I have been betrayed by some people badly in the past,but now I can't get over it.I only trust myself,am I strange?
I think it's normal to make you cautious and more choosy, but it might simply become a problem if you are not willing to let new people into your life.
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holiday_mood: It was really difficult for a person like me who almost treats everyone equally and trusts them easily,to become choosy in making friends.I feel very sad and constantly worry if my reserved behavior would hurt anyone.
So, you've got several things going on.
Naturally, you would trust people and you feel uncomfortable about the possibility you could hurt others, by not trusting them, or not treating them with respect.
But also, experience has shown you that trusting people may lead to your own hurt.
It maybe feels like an impossible situation, or a difficult balance.
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KNenagh: I think it's normal to make you cautious and more choosy, but it might simply become a problem if you are not willing to let new people into your life.
I will try my best to get over it..and meet new people,but I am sure I will choose my friends more wisely..
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holiday_mood: When I was young I used to feel that having many friends is really a great thing.But now I have decided to have few close friends whom I can rely upon.I have realized that out of dozens of friends that I have only 2-3 were really trust worthy and genuine.I just want to preserve them for my entire life.
I am the same, 2 or 3 friends I can really trust.Have a great day holiday.
Your name makes me want to take a vacation.
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holiday_mood: I will try my best to get over it..and meet new people,but I am sure I will choose my friends more wisely..
Probably most people came to that conclusion at some stage.
Best of luck with it.
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jac_the_gripper: So, you've got several things going on.
Naturally, you would trust people and you feel uncomfortable about the possibility you could hurt others, by not trusting them, or not treating them with respect.
But also, experience has shown you that trusting people may lead to your own hurt.
It maybe feels like an impossible situation, or a difficult balance.
Yes you are right to some extent..I am just trying to test people more and more before I trust them.I am not dis respecting but I often do feel that some people get offended sometimes as I have narrowed the possibilities for every one to reach up to me.Naturally, you would trust people and you feel uncomfortable about the possibility you could hurt others, by not trusting them, or not treating them with respect.
But also, experience has shown you that trusting people may lead to your own hurt.
It maybe feels like an impossible situation, or a difficult balance.
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joey987: I am the same, 2 or 3 friends I can really trust.
Have a great day holiday.
Your name makes me want to take a vacation.
Oh that's interesting to know..Yes I created my profile when I was in a holiday mood..lolHave a great day holiday.
Your name makes me want to take a vacation.
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