When does it get better? (16)

I'm so heartbroken that My Ex is still so Hurtful.

It has been three years and everytime we need to exchange the children he wants a hug and I have to tell him no thank-you. If the children call him he asks my daughter to put me on the phone and he threatens me and hangs up. I know he needs time to work through his anger, But does he have to be so hurtful? I'm so tired, I feel like I'm always under attack. Does it ever get any better?

when the children are with him...they are with him...when with you.... they're with you...parent business...can be done...some one did say that a prenup worked...then think positive and imagine sorta having one.

Keep refusing...then don't take any of the feelings. Only way he'll learn to deal with it. Understand but forgive by staying honest with your feeling of not feeling the same. And keep going with your life. He's doing something he shouldn't...that's mind games...point blank...

This is the hardest thing Ive ever had to do. Iam a very forgiving person and I beleive that is why it hurts so much.

As much as I have tried to keep our separation very civil...because i don't hate my "ex" I just don't want to be married to him...he has said some pretty hurtful things to me especially in the past year...thing i never thought i would ever hear him say TO ME...

I am always stunned when he says things like..."It would just be so much easier if you fell off the face of the earth..." or.."It would be so much easier if you just dropped dead"...

It cuts right to the heart of me...but i do understand his need to "exact" his pound of flesh...doesn't make his words any less hurtful...but it does make what i need to do that much easier...

So no...I guess it doesn't get easier...

Don't be the victim. He does it because you let him. The responsibility is yours to shut him down if he's being hurtful. It sounds like your waiting for him to " come around" so he won't be so hurtful. He does it because he knows he can get away with it. Yes, its hurtful...don't let him see that though. The word he probably hates more than any other word is "no". You have to learn how to say it and stand by it. From experience, it is hard. You gotta shut him down quick and assertively. He will not stop if he knows he draws a reaction from you.

If my comments seem harsh, sorry, but in these kinds of situations, firmness is the key. He's holding YOU hostage right now. Find your voice...it's there. Use it and use it in a way that will surprize him. Like all bullys, you stand up to them and they crumble. If you have safety concerns, get the available help in your area to deal with them.

Its the same for me Bailey...I'm the one that decided I wanted out of the marriage...so that's why i'm supposed to carry the guilt i suppose (according to him anyways)...
I've used the same argument with him....I love my kids...I love being their mom...I can't be a good mom and function in that capacity when i was constantly miserable and unhappy....and like you i wanted those girls to know what a real loving relationship is all about...not the "room mate" thing their dad and I were doing...

I have told him over and over...I don't want anything other than what is rightfully mine...I will not fight him on anything...I want him to hand over what he thinks i deserve...I was his wife, his companion, I loved his parents and cared for them, I supported him in furthering his career while i gave up mine to be a "mom", and most of all I am his children's mother...
I am quite capable of "re-establishing" myself...but i shouldn't have to...and i want him to acknowledge that....(*sigh*)

excellent points, but you know, he's not as likely as we'd like to acknowledge that what you did (stay home to raise the kids, support him in his career) was anywhere near to being a sacrifice. Many men (and many women) take that sacrifice for granted. It irks me to no end to hear my ex say "I did everything for you"...in my passive aggressive mode, my head starts screaming "yep, you sure did, you let me stay home every weekend so I could (ahem) spend time with the kids, clean the house, get everything ready for the next day while you stayed outta my hair & went to your buddy's house to hang out in the garage & do whatever it is you guys did in there- yep, that was all for me. Oh, and yeah, you bought me a new van so I could lug the kids around easier...and then you took it back when I left you". Geez now I see where he's coming from...yep, it was alllllll for me!

I like spagooch's comment- take back your voice, don't let him bully you.

You have received some good advice on this thread - especially from Spagooch. You need to find your position, stand strong on it and say "no". You must be consistent. Lorraine.

Sound's like he need's to accept the fact that your relationship with him is over. Don't know what else to say, hopefully he'll grow up soon? Good luck!