What would you do? (29)
42lonelymanPeterborough, Ontario Canada6 Threads 36 PostsSomething happened today and I want to ask all of you a question. If your "ex" has a problem not involving money or kids, do you go out of your way to help. I am trying to maintain a civil relationship, and she knows I have the week off, so should I help her?
what is the problem???..it would depend for many i think.
with my ex, i would help her if i could depending on what she needed. She is the mother of my girls so i respect her and would do what i can as long as it is a reasonable request.
with my ex, i would help her if i could depending on what she needed. She is the mother of my girls so i respect her and would do what i can as long as it is a reasonable request.
we were married for 8+ years, no kids, and to be honest, she was unfaithful. I am having a hard time dealing with my feelings when I see her. I am upset, not angry, that she chose to do what she did, but will NOT get back with her. That being said, do you think I should avoid her, or be human and help? I've always helped people when possible, but do I put my feelings on the back burner when most of our relationship was helping her? I realize I can't tell you the whole story here, but should I have helped her or not?
Was it Maya Angelou who wrote - if it is not an absolute yes from the core of your being then it is a no...
You are still hurting by the sound of it and seeing her is upsetting. I don't think you have to go out of your way to help her if she just wants you to move a sofa or something. It would depend on the type of help and how you felt about offering it.
This doesn't sound like a major issue ... I wouldn't judge you either way ... do what feels right to you.
A gift of help is not a gift if you resent it.
You are still hurting by the sound of it and seeing her is upsetting. I don't think you have to go out of your way to help her if she just wants you to move a sofa or something. It would depend on the type of help and how you felt about offering it.
This doesn't sound like a major issue ... I wouldn't judge you either way ... do what feels right to you.
A gift of help is not a gift if you resent it.
If she is using you tell her to fly a kite. i agree with artgurl, do what your heart and gut feeling is.
Well .. I myself would do anything for my sons father.... So that if I ever needed anything in life I can count on him.. even though I doubt he would be good for anything..hahahaha... I try to be the nicest ex girlfriend baby mama.... So .. I mean ... she is the mother of your kids....
No, you are not that lonely.....I would say that judging from what you are not saying the answer is....none other than No. I think you want to say No as well, but being Mr good guy all the time is playing catch up with you. Start now by saying No, and it will become easier as time goes on.
Ask yourself this question: "how will I feel when I wake up tomorrow after helping her"...will I regret it, or will I feel great!
I would help my ex if asked. As a matter of fact I would probably help just about anyone who asked me. That is just the kind of person I am. But you must do what you believe is right for your situation. If you are trying to distance yourself from her,then maybe it is not right for you to help, only you can know what is the right choice. Can you live with your decision?
Christine
Christine
If most of the relationship was about helping her, then you have to say no to this co-dependency, and let go. She is going to try pull you under every chance she gets. Everything happens for a reason.
Well if its not life threatening and if she isn't in any severe danger then no I would not help. Sounds like to me she knows your vulnerable and is trying to take advantage of it.
Now I don't know her and don't like to judge but unless you had children together (which you don't) and it concerned them or it was something bad then I would go your own way and cut ties with her if your stuck on not getting back with her because as long as she is in the picture you will never be able to heal properly or move on with your life which may result in issues in future relationships you may have with someone else.
Just my 0.2 cents.
Now I don't know her and don't like to judge but unless you had children together (which you don't) and it concerned them or it was something bad then I would go your own way and cut ties with her if your stuck on not getting back with her because as long as she is in the picture you will never be able to heal properly or move on with your life which may result in issues in future relationships you may have with someone else.
Just my 0.2 cents.
I could not agree with you more Katine
My past relationship was with a women seperated not divorced who talked with her x regulary....had her utilities bills still in his name after 3yrs ...and had no problem stating he was her best friend.... geez thought I was
What broke the camels back was one day after work I picked up take out and asked if she wanted to come over she reply my x is here so she invited me over ....I declined ....that pissed her off
When we discussed the matter I stated it was nothing personal I just have no desire to associate with her x and i could not understand if they were still that close why are they apart
I also asked why are you not divorced she replied I don't plan on getting married again .... I chuckled I ended the relationship
I guess letting go is hard for some who are still emotionally attached
My past relationship was with a women seperated not divorced who talked with her x regulary....had her utilities bills still in his name after 3yrs ...and had no problem stating he was her best friend.... geez thought I was
What broke the camels back was one day after work I picked up take out and asked if she wanted to come over she reply my x is here so she invited me over ....I declined ....that pissed her off
When we discussed the matter I stated it was nothing personal I just have no desire to associate with her x and i could not understand if they were still that close why are they apart
I also asked why are you not divorced she replied I don't plan on getting married again .... I chuckled I ended the relationship
I guess letting go is hard for some who are still emotionally attached
I can understand your reasoning but also being too nice can get you walked all over and taken advantage of. I know because I speak from experience.
Unfortunatly some people out there get a kick out of taking their ex's feelings for granted and I think its not fair at all.
Unfortunatly some people out there get a kick out of taking their ex's feelings for granted and I think its not fair at all.
Well, I helped, or tried to anyway. She washed her car the night before, then couldn't get it to latch when her friend got in on the passenger side. She drove to work having her friend hold the door closed. I arrived at her work, walked over, opened and closed the passenger door, and it worked. Had to remind her, again, about moisture and below freezing temps. Once the inside of the door warmed up it worked fine. Thanks for all your input. 
thanks for letting us know .....lesson learnt first time, wonder if the car really couldn't shut, and this was a ploy to get you there.
When it was convenient for me i would assist my ex if she needed it. But to go out of my way? Only when she paid me for the work!
Arthur Dent is the main character in the Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy...no relation to him or anyone bearing that name! 
...although Arthur is my middle name! 
...although Arthur is my middle name! More Threads
Kultur-multur
s*xual skills
More Proof The GOP is a Criminal Organization
The weird and the random facts around the world
wanting beyond need
Ladies
men's perspective towards women
The GOP Representatives owned by Vladimir Putin
Karen McDougal - Playmate Model will testify in Hush Money Trial
the way you look
More Threads
Report threads that break rules, are offensive, or contain fighting. Staff may not be aware of the forum abuse, and cannot do anything about it unless you tell us about it. click to report forum abuse »
If one of the comments is offensive, please report the comment instead (there is a link in each comment to report it).
If one of the comments is offensive, please report the comment instead (there is a link in each comment to report it).
Stats for this Thread
2,199 Views
28 Comments
Created: Dec 2006
Last Viewed: 11 hrs ago
Last Commented: Apr 2007
0 Likes
Related Forums
- Kultur-multur
- s*xual skills
- More Proof The GOP is a Criminal Organization
- The weird and the random facts around the world
- wanting beyond need
- Ladies
- men's perspective towards women
- The GOP Representatives owned by Vladimir Putin
- Karen McDougal - Playmate Model will testify in Hush Money Trial
- the way you look