Nobody's Shoulder To Lean On... (13)

Most of us on here have left "abusive" marriages (I use the term loosely)...what happens when you leave a perfectly "normal" marriage just because your needs are not being met?

I'm trying to be as specific as i can here...

I was married to a wonderful man...a good man in every way...a handsome man, a good provider and an excellent father....my whole family absolutely adores him (he actually spends more time with them than I do...), he cared for my parents as if they were his own and they could depend on him for anything anytime of the day or night...the teachers and mothers at the school love him as he is always willing to go on school trips and always willing to lend a helping hand....

My problem?...He is just not for me...I feel absolutely nothing that a "wife" should have felt for a husband...I loved him...as a best friend...but not as a lover...I had tried everything to make that marriage work...but i just couldn't stand it anymore...and i sunk into depression...and that's when i decided i needed to get out, if for nothing else...to save my sanity...

Now...because very few people understand my situation - my whole family included - I do not have a shoulder to lean on and i can't talk to them about my "life"...because they refuse to understand...they felt i had it all and i threw it all away...all they ever do is "badger" me...so i avoid them even more now...

Anyone else been through this or have any suggestions....words of wisdom??

I know how you feel. I have been there with Dylan's dad. He was a good man, my family adored him but I just did not feel the same way as he did for me. We also wanted different things in life so I knew I wouldn't be happy in the long term and he wouldn't either. I also did not want to bring my son into that kind of life either.

So you did the good thing. You followed your heart and you also had respect for him and chose not to continue with him and give him a wrong impression. Instead you were honest with him and you gave him a chance to find someone who would love him the same way he would they.

I don't believe in couples staying together just because of their children. Children are not as stupid as we think. They can sense when their parents are not happy and if we are not happy then they will not be either and chances are they will grow up getting into that same situation and I didn't want that for my son. I want him to grow up being in a mutual loving relationship and that life is not one sided. That it takes 2 to make things work and tango.

When I broke things off with my son's dad. I felt alone too. I felt like I had no one to talk to because with my family if I told them something they would remind me that if I hadn't thrown away my ex that I wouldn't be in that situation so there was no point of arguing with them. However I was lucky I did have friends who did not judge me and supported me as well.

I am sure you have lots of amazing friends (Including me ..well I hope anyways lol) and you know you can talk to them anytime. True friends will not judge you and will accept you for who you are no matter what kind of mistake you made in your past, present and future.

Thanks so much Trace....

That was exactly my reasoning when i decided to tell him the truth...he deserved a better life than living with someone as a "room mate"...and he was young enough to achieve that if he wanted...

You're right children see more than we give them credit for...I want for my girls to know that "intimacy" is part of a loving relationship...and they weren't seeing that with their father and I..

I wish i could tell my family that i would be a bigamist if i married every single man i thought was attractive, and a good man...they don't understand its like a menu....nice to look at, think about...but won't "order"....lol

this is a great thread and hits home.
i get along with my ex and her family and still see them and do t hings with them at times. But i have realized, while i am a good man and good father that Misty and i just were not meant to be forever. Our daughters were a blessing but we were more friends and we both ended up wanting different things.
Urs, I understand your situation as i feel this is similar to what happened with my relationship.
Stick to your friends they can be great to lean on. In time, hopefully the family will understand you and if they dont well, all that matters is you do.

Thanks Darrin....

I know i will never be able to make my "ex" understand how very very much i love him...and always will....it was just not the kind of love that a woman has for a man...it was more of a deep and abiding love for someone who is special and your best friend...

My life is as it is now because i chose to please my family...so now i have given up on that...because though they are happy...I was the one slowly coming apart at the seams in silence...

I don't understand when married couples go their separate ways they call each other vile names, hate each other and so on....these were people you once loved and cherished....someone you would have given your life for....you may not love them that same way any more, but they are still the same person....that's just my opinion anyways..I will never hate my "ex"...and i am happy that my family still loves and cares for him, still makes him part of our family...he is...always will be...we share two beautiful children...

I just want them to accept anyone else I choose to include in my life the same way....if for no other reason...because they love me and want me to be happy....

You must of had doubts when you married him...as well..
and if you choose to marry someone you do not have those
'feelings' for...and believe you will grow to love them..
it ain't happening!!

Yes I know....and yes I did....I depended on others and took their advice that "it" would come in time...

I have paid deeply for that misconception...and in the process hurt someone who did not deserve that...though in my defense I was honest about how i felt about him before we got married...he too thought that "time" was the answer...

Do what is in your heart wicked..