And the barman says... ( Archived) (42)

A Shot of Whiskey A man walks into a bar and orders a shot of whiskey then looks into his pocket.

He does this over and over again. Finally, the bartender asks why he orders a shot of whiskey and afterwards look into his pocket.

The man responded, "I have a picture of my wife in there and when she starts to look good then i'll go home."

A three-legged dog walks into a bar and says to the bartender, 'I'm looking for the man who shot my paw'

Ole Earnest, had that in one of his movies...

A drunken Italian was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter.
A cop pulled up and said, "I've got to take you in, sir. You're obviously drunk"

The wasted Italian asked, "Ociffer, are ya absolutely sure I'm drunk?"

"Yeah, buddy, I'm sure," said the copper. "Let's go."

Obviously relieved, the Italian said "That's a relief - I thought I was a cripple."

A man from Belgium walks into a dutch bar and he sees a guy with a pittbull. He asks: what kind of dog is that? The dutchman says: It's a fighting dog, a pittbull. The Belgian says: I bet he can't beat my flatfaceteckel. The dutchman laughs and says oke, where is your dog? In my backyard, I can't take him in here. So you have to come with me.
They drive to the house of the Belgian and he shoves the pittbull through the fence. They hear a lot kaikaikai, see a lot of blood splattering around and finally the head of the pittbull flies over the fence and lands before them. The dutchman says: What kind of terrible dog is your flatfaceteckel?
The belgian answers: In Belgium we call it a flatfaceteckel, in the Netherlands they call it a crocodile.

A wife was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband's key in the door. "Stay where you are," she said. "He's so drunk he won't even notice you're in bed with me."

Sure enough, the husband lurched into bed none the wiser, but a few minutes later, through a drunken haze, he saw six feet sticking out at the end of the bed. He turned to his wife: "Hey, there are six feet in this bed. There should only be four. What's going on?"

"Nonsense," said the wife. "You're so drunk you miscounted. Get out of bed and try again. You can see better from over there."

The husband climbed out of bed and counted. "One, two, three, four. You're right, you know."

A guy comes into a pub where the barman is standing and he looks really depressed>
Why you are so depressed the man asks?
Well, I 've got a horse behind the pub and the dumb animal keeps laughing day and night, I can't sleep anymore. The guy that put's an end to it can drink the whole day on my costs.
The guy says: okay, let me try. He goes through the backdoor and five minutes later he comes back and says: well it's done, give me a drink.
The barman don't believes it so he goes looking to his horse that is crying.
The barman returns and asks: What the hell have you done? The guy answers: Well, first I whispered in his ear that my willy was bigger than his and the horse started laughing real hard. Then I lowered my pants...

A guy enters a pub and the only free spot is next to an ugly old woman, with warts all over her face. On her shoulder she has a parrot.
When the man sits down she says to him: If you guess what's on my shoulder you will make love to me. The man says: It's a whale. The womans answered Actually it's a parrot, but I'm okay with the whale.

How can you tell when your dogs gone crazy?