OCD (7)

I have OCD, until a few years ago, my "tick" was a compulsive washing of my hands, especially when I was cooking. I couldn't cook dinner without making atleast 2 kitchen towels completely wet, before dinner was finished.

A former workmate of mine, was a "prankster", one day at work, she turned off all the main water supply, so we didn't have water. I went to the toilet, only to find there was no water to wash my hands. I used disinfectant, but it wasn't enough, I started getting really anxious, and was about to cry, when it started raining, I rushed to the window, to wash my hands in the rain, realising that something was wrong, my workmate admitted her prank, and turned the water on again. I often had small sores and chapped skin on my hands. I'm over the obsessive hand washing again, I still do it alot, but not as much as before.

I then started to have an obsession checking the main door to see if it was locked, I did this many times each night (strangely enough, I didn't do it during the daytime), even getting out of bed in the middle of the night to check. That ended after I broke 4 doorknobs on inside my apartment door, and the maintenance man kept asking why it's happening (I haven't told him why). I still check the door many times each night (even when I go to the toilet......I have to go pass the main door, so I try not to go too often to the toilet at night), but not as often as before.

Everything in my kitchen cupboard was in a certain order, eg. I could go to the kitchen cupboard and even with with my eyes closed, find the right condiments, glass, dish etc. That's all changed now, as 2 of my grown up children have moved in with me. Everything is in a disarray, it took me a while, and I'm still trying to ignore it, to the point that I hardly ever cook food at home anymore, and if I do, then I cook enough so I can freeze some of it, and I don't have to cook daily, I eat salads or sandwiches, or buy food to eat on my way to work.

Now, I'm obsessed with trying not to have an obsession. I still wash my hands alot, and check often to see if the door is locked, it's not easy, but I keep trying my best. Hopefully, one day I'll be able to live without an obsession.

I forgot to say that sometimes when I'm in the bus or train, I find myself counting trees, windows, or anything that's in a large amount along the way. I don't buy fruits, vegetables or such in odd numbers, it's either 2, 4 or 6 etc., if it's already packages, I try to find one that has an even number. If you've seen the move "As good as it gets" with Jack Nicholson, how he walks on the stones.....The pavement from my apartment building to the bus stop is paved that way, as are many paveemnts in and around the city, I often have to remind myself to step on whichever one.